Miscellaneous: Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch...

By Anonymous - 22/08/2014 18:41 - United States - Doylestown

Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML

agreeclassic 25 127

vote type 1 43 007

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Jedi mind trick

By Anonymous - 02/10/2019 04:00

Today, my stepdad punched me in the face after I told him I hated him. He and my mom came in 10 minutes later to try to convince me that I'd made it up in my head that he'd punched me. My face was still red. FML

agreeclassic 2 285

vote type 1 206

By idonteven - 12/08/2013 20:04 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML

agreeclassic 50 050

vote type 1 4 486

By Anonymous - 08/05/2009 03:02 - Canada

Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML

agreeclassic 67 036

vote type 1 16 519

By stupidprankster - 09/03/2012 10:10 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to scare my dad for once, since he has scared me for fun dozens of times. It would have been funny, had he not punched me in the face. FML

agreeclassic 26 509

vote type 1 7 495

By J - 11/02/2016 15:44 - Malta - Piet?

Today, my sister punched me in the face. My dad was actually annoyed with me when I told him. He said I'll never be a "real man" if I can't take a hit from a girl. FML

agreeclassic 19 316

vote type 1 3 298

Stop!

By Anonymous - 03/07/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to take a nice picture of my dad but he was just doing stupid-looking poses, so I got mad and told him to "stop acting like a prostitute" without knowing what that even means. Keep in mind, this was also in front of my mum and oldest sister. FML

agreeclassic 78

vote type 1 659

Shocking

By Anonymous - 02/08/2020 17:01

Today, I tried to hang up a light and, in my clumsiness, got shocked. My dad started screaming at me for yelling out. FML

agreeclassic 1 281

vote type 1 240

By Yoooooo0 - 29/11/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML

agreeclassic 43 098

vote type 1 3 726

Prepper

By suze44 - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML

agreeclassic 45 263

vote type 1 5 371

By ILiveWithMorons - 12/04/2011 03:07 - United States

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

agreeclassic 34 404

vote type 1 3 346

Dave_Davington 33

Saturday 23 August 2014 5:24

I want to buy your dad a drink.

myeverydaymylife 21

Saturday 23 August 2014 5:24

And then you take a selfie of you with him in the background, setting you on fire. All about that #selfie

Comments

lilkity5244 6

Sunday 24 August 2014 7:24

I would too

Al3xv3l92 24

Sunday 24 August 2014 7:47

But first let me take a selfie.

Jaevwyn 17

Sunday 24 August 2014 9:50

You got off lightly.

Nish007 15

Sunday 24 August 2014 11:26

the face punch is ok. the setting you on fire is a bit excessive

someguyhere 12

Monday 25 August 2014 22:26

Tell your dad if he needs any help let me know.

phoneaddict13 29

Tuesday 26 August 2014 13:10

**** him hard!!

mrtennis 8

Wednesday 27 August 2014 15:15

oh god how i hate that word.

THEDARKLORDOFALL 17

Friday 29 August 2014 1:26

I agree with him.

mystupidbird_ 5

Friday 29 August 2014 1:38

wait what? I know the word is sometimes annoying but to that point?

fantasyworld 37

Saturday 23 May 2015 14:34

That's excessive.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

agreeclassic 1 355

vote type 1 7 404

Today, I awakened from my peaceful slumber in a great mood. I walked into my closet, ready to pick out an outfit for the day, to find my two year old daughter, kneeling on the floor with a pair of scissors in her hand, cutting up my wedding dress - my wedding is tomorrow. FML

agreeclassic 69 932

vote type 1 14 267

Today, on the subject of sex, I asked my son if he uses precautions and he promised me he always gives the ladies a fake name and fake mobile phone number, like dad told him to. I might have several grandbabies I’m never going to meet, and my husband and I are going to be having words. FML

agreeclassic 1 544

vote type 1 291

Today, I told my long time crush, "I love you," in an elaborate way. She replied, "What an interesting perspective." FML

agreeclassic 3 772

vote type 1 804

Today, the house I squat in with my punks got sold. The fascist fucker showed up with a baseball bat, two mean dogs, and a shotgun, and ordered us out. Now we're back to sleeping in our old van until we can find a new place. FML

agreeclassic 127

vote type 1 1 656

Today, I was happy because my exact shirt and sweater were in Seventeen Magazine. They were in the "What not to wear" category. FML

agreeclassic 39 256

vote type 1 13 428