Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend invited me over to "play with his lizard."...

By Iguana - 12/09/2012 02:35 - Canada - Oromocto

Today, my boyfriend invited me over to "play with his lizard." After excitedly rushing across town, I realized this wasn't a euphemism, he actually bought an Iguana. FML

agreeclassic 14 721

vote type 1 28 796

New Year, New Blunders
Celebrate the New Year with stories of resolutions broken in less than 24 hours and memorable New Year's Eves... for all the wrong reasons! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 17:35 - Canada

Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML

agreeclassic 26 409

vote type 1 12 882

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML

agreeclassic 848

vote type 1 179

By Elle(; - 11/08/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I felt something tickling my neck. Thinking it was him, I ignored it. Just when I was about to climax, I looked down to see a lizard on me. FML

agreeclassic 2 034

vote type 1 256

By lorrilanee - 20/11/2010 06:20 - Australia

Today, I finally made out with my boyfriend. Let's just say his idea of making out is moving his tongue like a lizard. FML

agreeclassic 34 212

vote type 1 5 090

Wrong place

By anonymous - 05/07/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex in the janitor's closet of the pet store where I work. We were really getting into it when we were rudely interrupted by dozens of salamanders crawling up our legs. I had forgotten to lock the cage before we started. FML

agreeclassic 11 717

vote type 1 74 133

By Anonymous - 28/03/2011 18:52 - Macedonia

Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML

agreeclassic 47 807

vote type 1 6 885

Thanksssss

By Mojosahomo - 10/01/2018 17:30 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my cat decided to show me just how much he loves me by bringing a live snake into my bedroom. Thanks. FML

agreeclassic 4 176

vote type 1 625

By Hunter cat - 02/11/2018 13:30

Today, when I got back to my bedroom, I found my cat had left not one, not two, but four dead lizards for me. FML

agreeclassic 2 351

vote type 1 388

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 02:43 - United States - Boston

Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML

agreeclassic 34 079

vote type 1 3 785

Underwhelming

By rabbitkiller - 20/06/2015 10:42 - China - Wuhai

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents, and now they have a dead rabbit because I sat on it. FML

agreeclassic 27 727

vote type 1 5 753

FMLshark 12

Wednesday 12 September 2012 9:17

Sounds like the same boyfriend who wanted to test water displacement in the bathtub with his girlfriend.

rncannon 18

Wednesday 12 September 2012 9:20

I would have been pretty excited anyway. Iguanas are cool.

Comments

WILBUSCUS 6

Monday 8 September 2014 1:12

Who the hell calls their dick a Lazard?? Seriously?

KittyHawkMarch 29

Friday 7 November 2014 7:21

You should be happy about that!

hotdude78 15

Thursday 10 September 2015 19:57

He's a keeper

Mortoli 30

Saturday 26 September 2015 9:50

this lucky guy got a dream girl somethin so cheesy would work lol too bad op.

indigohippopo 20

Monday 28 December 2015 6:45

I've never heard anyone call their dick a lizard..."-" lol

SassacreMassacre 10

Wednesday 27 July 2016 1:48

I would have come over to play with the iguana and then realized it was a euphemism and been sad

EggyDogger 13

Wednesday 18 July 2018 22:29

Well did you

eran69 3

Thursday 30 August 2018 13:49

Sounds like a good time

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, at my hotel, I spent over an hour dumpster diving trying to locate a pair of shorts for a spoiled brat that one of the cleaning staff accidentally threw away. When I finally found and returned them to the family, the father insisted they weren't the right ones. Spent all day smelling of trash. FML

agreeclassic 14 402

vote type 1 1 131

Today, I was doing a sewing project in class. My friend said we should get the teachers to model our designs. I said that I did not think I would have enough material to make clothes for one of the teachers. I said this in front of the whole class very loudly, while the teacher was right next to me. FML

agreeclassic 632

vote type 1 2 442

Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend in the shower. I opened the door and there was a giant shit in the toilet. I pretended I was looking for my hairbrush. FML

agreeclassic 34 271

vote type 1 7 553

Today, while on my usual jogging trail, a man stopped to give me some weird spreadsheet. On it was my whole schedule, with days I’d missed, what I was wearing, and how much my time was improving, along with some tips. I threw the papers and ran for my life. I’m too terrified to ever go back there. FML

agreeclassic 676

vote type 1 83

Today, I have a horrible hangover. My mom also decided it was a good day to go hiking. I ended up puking on the trail. FML

agreeclassic 847

vote type 1 1 571

Today, I woke up to my husband taking a piss on our bedroom floor. I screamed that he wasn't in the bathroom, to which he responded, "Shut up! I'm taking a piss, let me finish!" He has no recollection of the event. Now I have to clean up his piss and rewash my clothes. FML

agreeclassic 37 417

vote type 1 4 158