Animals: Today, my adorable new kitten woke me up with a cute meow right... - FML

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By Gassed Out - 04/10/2016 11:57 - United Kingdom - Middlesbrough

Today, my adorable new kitten woke me up with a cute meow right into my ear, since she was so cute, I decided to pet her, only to get my fingers bitten, and her to fart and leave me with a stench that can only be described as Satan's asshole after a particularly bad curry. I retched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 796

You deserved it 198

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

URBeingLied2 23

Wednesday 5 October 2016 19:50

It needs blood to survive and releases noxious gases to kill its prey. You were lucky you woke up during its war cry.

KyoshiroT 32

Wednesday 5 October 2016 9:06

Cute pets are always evil as they say. Don't worry, your kitty might've been scared since 'it' never been petted before. But as for the smell, I may have vomited in my mouth if that were me.

Comments

KyoshiroT 32

Wednesday 5 October 2016 9:06

Cute pets are always evil as they say. Don't worry, your kitty might've been scared since 'it' never been petted before. But as for the smell, I may have vomited in my mouth if that were me.

GhostFox 33

Wednesday 5 October 2016 11:57

Why not just use the pronouns given for the animal in the post? Why go to 'it'?

sturschaedel 27

Wednesday 5 October 2016 16:57

She just wanted you to feed her. Cats are shellfish like that.

URBeingLied2 23

Wednesday 5 October 2016 19:50

It needs blood to survive and releases noxious gases to kill its prey. You were lucky you woke up during its war cry.

damoonster 11

Monday 10 October 2016 15:29

ok that was funny.

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, I went on a run with my crush. She expressed how happy she was to have a decent running partner, because the last one kept complaining he thought he might throw up. We got to the top of the hill and I puked right in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 667

You deserved it 4 614

Today, I called the suicide hotline after two months of recurring thoughts. I got put on hold by their machine, then was on call with someone who barely spoke English, got transferred to another building, so I was put on hold again, and finally got hung up on. I was already feeling pretty worthless, so thanks guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 385

You deserved it 126

Today, in an elaborate plan to finally meet my cute neighbor, I convinced my friendly mailman to switch up our mail so I'd have an excuse to meet her. After I delivered her mail, I waited for her to mention that she had my mail, but she never did. I even saw her take it out of her mail box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 565

You deserved it 37 828

Today, I went to sleep at 7am. I learned once that Indians used to drink tons of water before bed to force themselves awake so I did that in case my alarm (which I hooked up to my speakers) didn't work. The alarm worked, but the shock of the blasting sound made me pee my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 141

You deserved it 3 180

Today, I decided to take a peek in my fiancé's vow book to see how far he's got. The only thing in there was the lyrics to a song from the movie Shrek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 113

You deserved it 28 560

Today, my best friend thought it would be funny push me off my bike. He thought it was even funnier when the paramedic accidentally dropped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 107

You deserved it 3 089