Animals Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to...

Kitten_Love - 28/01/2013 19:52 - France - Paris

Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML

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St. Patrick's Day: Shamrocks and Tribulations
Green anecdotes of jealousy, full of shamrocks and pints, for a memorable St. Patrick's Day! …

Time doesn't always heal

Anonymous - 03/10/2022 09:30 - Israel - Ramat Gan

Today, exactly two years to the date when I thought my dream had came true when my partner surprised me with a kitten. Except two weeks later we had to give him away because my partner was too anxious about the cat destroying any of his stuff. I'm still heartbroken. FML

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Like that scene in Alien!

Orange cat behavior - 13/06/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I had to vacuum for the first time since getting my new kitten. I feared that he would freak out, so I took measures to make sure he would be comfortable, including a "safe room" with toys and a bed for him. As expected, he freaked out. But instead of going to his room, he jumped and grappled onto my face. FML

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Panic!

Only an orange cat... - 22/02/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I found out two things about my new cat: One, he is afraid of thunder. Two, his reaction to hearing a loud thunderclap is to jump very high in the air with his claws extended, then run like hell. I discovered this when he jumped and landed right on my face. My face now looks like I smashed it into a window. FML

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Boo!

nenette - 12/11/2014 22:50 - France

Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML

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Wake up, human!

inveralaska - 16/06/2016 21:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML

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Rocky VIX

Anonymous - 29/09/2019 20:06

Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML

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MoncaBang - 29/01/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

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Chilled

Anonymous - 20/03/2025 00:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I put on a new shirt and headed out to a café to meet a friend. Halfway through our conversation, I noticed my cat had followed me into the café after somehow making a nest in my bag. I looked down to see her tail sticking out of my purse, wagging like she owned the place. She is tiny, but still… how she managed to stay hidden for more than 10 minutes is beyond me. FML

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Classic kitten move

Filly - 18/03/2025 13:00 - Romania

Today, I thought my new kitten had gotten out, so I roamed the streets in the pouring rain, screaming his name for hours. Eventually, my fiance called and said he was home from work. I cried that the cat was gone, and he said, "What do you mean? He's on my lap." FML

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elliekilroy - 11/12/2010 00:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I picked up my friend's new kitten so enthusiastically I scared it and it shat all over me. I literally scared the shit out of it. FML

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ollie179 21

Monday 28 January 2013 23:03

Everyone must of thought you were cool. Carrying pussy in your bag...

Pleonasm 35

Monday 28 January 2013 23:04

Well the cat's out of the bag now.

fiesty 10

Tuesday 29 January 2013 6:25

I don't see it as an fml. I'm sure it was surprisingly inconvenient but I think really cute nonetheless

ShananaginsLOL 13

Tuesday 29 January 2013 6:29

Awwww kittyyy!!!!!!!

ADoG07 11

Tuesday 29 January 2013 6:41

Not even an Fml, thanks effin adorable

joyr 5

Tuesday 29 January 2013 6:57

I cant vote either because who wouldnt want their cat at school??

OhhKristin 11

Tuesday 29 January 2013 7:16

This isn't an FML. This is adorable. I wish my cat surprised me like that.

Axel5238 29

Tuesday 29 January 2013 7:31

This is probably the cutest and best FML in the history of this site. I now need to reaffirm my manliness by drinking beer and playing Duke Nukem.

kennaem1 11

Tuesday 29 January 2013 7:39

I'm sorry, but that is adorable and hilarious.

tarickman 13

Tuesday 29 January 2013 7:52

Ninja kitten.

nikolkaw 9

Tuesday 29 January 2013 8:14

Cute :)

qwertkinz 12

Tuesday 29 January 2013 8:57

FYL hope you didn't get in trouble! But that was just so cute :)

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I had to take two buses home from a friend's house. After waiting in the cold for the second bus for 40 minutes, it finally came and I realized that I'd left my wallet on the first bus. It took me 2 hours to walk home and I was locked out because my house key is attached to my wallet. FML

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Today, as my 12-hour shift was about to finish, a young boy came in wanting to buy a $200 gaming device. His mom said he was purchasing it with his own money, which I found admirable. That is, until he took his piggy bank out of his backpack. FML

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Today, my brother and I got into an intense argument that ended up with us trading blows and having the cops called on us. Apparently I was "insulting his intelligence" by trying to explain that you don't make buttermilk by putting butter in milk. He's 18. FML

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Today, after many hours studying a complete course of Spanish, I felt really good. I had accomplished something, something I could really use next week when I fly to Mexico on vacation. Then I found out what I had learned was Spanish as they speak it in Spain, not how they speak it in Latin America. FML

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Today, while having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, I pushed all the way in. She said, "Stop teasing me, put everything in." FML

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Today, I found out my brother doesn't have a problem with "keeping it in the family". It's now up to me to explain why our cousin is pregnant with his kid. FML

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