Intimacy: Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having...

By Anonymous - 11/06/2014 22:20 - United States - Barnhart

Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML

agreeclassic 54 659

vote type 1 8 173

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By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 18:41 - United States - Valparaiso

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By Anonymous - 07/06/2012 17:41 - United States - Oregon City

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

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Paco_el_Taco 17

Thursday 12 June 2014 5:47

Doh!

livinginabook 24

Thursday 12 June 2014 5:47

Your mind scares me...

Comments

this_ghetto 16

Saturday 14 June 2014 3:02

Lol

grashopper8 7

Saturday 14 June 2014 3:50

This may be my favorite FML ever. Hahahahaha you're amazing

DarkPoet_fml 5

Saturday 14 June 2014 5:06

Marge won't be happy to hear about this!

Dabombr 11

Saturday 14 June 2014 7:23

It could be worse, OP. What if you were having sex with Homer, the guy who wrote 'The Oddysey'?

uhohitslisa2 20

Saturday 14 June 2014 13:52

What Simpsons episodes have you been watching?!

ba357681 1

Sunday 15 June 2014 21:04

Your use of the word douching was the scariest part of all that.

newmember123 6

Thursday 3 July 2014 10:24

ok...... lol

jk_waks23 19

Saturday 21 February 2015 9:03

That and what you probably need is to get laid as well! No offence...

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Jealousy Underwear Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I injured my knee at a Zumba class, a class I joined to lose weight so my knees wouldn't hurt so much. Now I can't even go for a leisurely walk. FML

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vote type 1 808

Today, I walked in on my husband putting my anti-wrinkle cream on his balls. He said, "I thought it'd help." FML

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Today, I was talking to my future mother-in-law about my upcoming wedding. She told me that I wasn't allowed to have the wedding at a church, nor wear a white dress, nor have roses for flowers, because that would mean I'd be "copying" her. FML

agreeclassic 32 876

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Today, it's one day away from my wedding and two days away from our honeymoon trip. Today is also the day that, after dodging it for two years, I got Covid. FML

agreeclassic 1 233

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Today, my mom had me and my little brother make pancakes for breakfast. I had to let the dog out of the house to go do his business, so I had my little brother wait there and told him not to touch anything. I came back 5 minutes later, and there were cracked eggs in the almost-done batter. FML

agreeclassic 600

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Today, we were taking a bio quiz and I understood the subject, so the people sitting behind me asked me to help them out. Being a kind fellow classmate, I did. When the teacher got suspicious, she asked the class, "How are all of you getting the same answers?" everyone pointed directly at me. FML

agreeclassic 1 183

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