Miscellaneous: Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through...

By fububc - 05/02/2010 15:14 - France

Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML

agreeclassic 31 852

vote type 1 6 428

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By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML

agreeclassic 446

vote type 1 992

By wtf - 30/01/2015 09:00 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML

agreeclassic 28 620

vote type 1 2 658

By lizzard0416 - 30/11/2012 03:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML

agreeclassic 36 989

vote type 1 10 002

By ewww - 03/12/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long, nasty toenails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML

agreeclassic 42 408

vote type 1 3 884

Eye bleach

By deardaughter - 14/08/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my father trimming his pubes over the bin with our kitchen scissors. FML

agreeclassic 1 836

vote type 1 125

By no no no no no no no no no no no fuck no - 01/09/2013 20:04 - Greece - Athens

Today, I witnessed my husband hocking a loogie into his hand, then throwing it into the trash can and continuing to make our sandwiches. FML

agreeclassic 41 315

vote type 1 3 233

By EwwEwwEww - 19/02/2017 03:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I noticed that the floor outside our bathroom was covered in toenail clippings. I asked my husband what had happened. Turns out, he saves time by clipping his nails onto the floor and then sweeping them out into the hall, where they get lodged in the carpet. FML

agreeclassic 5 867

vote type 1 469

Happy wife, happy life, right?

By tradwife blues - 22/08/2023 15:02 - United States

Today, I was chopping veggies for dinner and accidentally sliced through my thumbnail and into my finger. I wrapped it and finished cooking, despite being in considerable pain. My husband patted my shoulder and said sympathetically, "Don’t worry about the dishes babe. You can just do them tomorrow.” FML

agreeclassic 928

vote type 1 165

By Anonymous - 13/08/2019 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML

agreeclassic 1 145

vote type 1 1 001

By Avomitmous - 09/02/2014 21:18 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, less than a week after moving in together, I decided to clean out my husband's messy room. In the process, I found a jar containing what appears to be a toenail collection. I don't think I'll ever regain my appetite. FML

agreeclassic 41 744

vote type 1 5 334

darienlake 0

Friday 5 February 2010 19:57

hahaha. you should have gone back in and started a conversation while casually using the scissors to cut your pubic hairs and see what he does

RipIt 0

Friday 5 February 2010 19:58

YDI for smoking! naaah just kidding, that's gross!

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queenofdeath 0

Saturday 6 February 2010 19:48

DAMN! that is so sick, how disgusting can human beings be?

madmikey08 0

Saturday 6 February 2010 22:48

I love cigarettes!!! i hope to kill all of you people who make dumb comments about smoking being disgusting with my second hand smoke

tgime 0

Sunday 7 February 2010 5:26

His nails must've been hella long to be able to cut them with food scissors. I would probably poke him with a cigarette if I saw that. Frickn' gross.

spreadtheword1o1 0

Sunday 7 February 2010 7:23

do I hear a d-vorce??? n u should think about quitting smoking. it not only hurts u but the planet.

defsdgdh 4

Monday 8 February 2010 7:08

smoking is probably worse for you so who cares

iRiptoR 0

Tuesday 9 February 2010 6:14

I would much rather have my spouse do that than suck on a cancer stick. You can clean or replace scissors, but not lungs.

KASHMIR_fml 0

Wednesday 10 February 2010 1:43

wait. he did all that in just one glance or did u sit there and watch him do all that?

fububc 0

Wednesday 10 February 2010 16:02

I was watching the whooooole time.

amy996 0

Sunday 7 March 2010 23:26

ydi cause your a retard snd smokes u wil die in 13 days.

alexthecutie 0

Thursday 25 March 2010 3:19

ewww smoking is gross!!!!

talbot008 0

Thursday 15 April 2010 4:36

ydi for smoking

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Today, I slipped walking down the stairs. My mom thought I sprained my right ankle. In her haste to get me to the doctor, she grabbed me and accidentally tripped me. I broke my left ankle. The right one was fine. FML

agreeclassic 42 796

vote type 1 2 620

Today, a lizard got caught in some loose duct tape in my office. A perk of working alone, I get to clean up. Lizards scare the Bejeezus out of me. FML

agreeclassic 1 199

vote type 1 280

Today, I discovered both how much I really talk to myself when I'm drinking alone and how thin the walls of my apartment are. I heard my own slurred voice coming from my neighbor's apartment. They had recorded me and made a mixtape of some of the more interesting things I had said. FML

agreeclassic 10 555

vote type 1 23 072

Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML

agreeclassic 44 730

vote type 1 7 424

Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML

agreeclassic 74 470

vote type 1 6 400

Today, it's been months since my spouse has talked to me. I'm currently in a timezone that's almost double digits difference. Not even a "Have a good day!" Big ass fuck you I guess. Yet they're always on, then gets off shortly after I'm on Facebook Messenger. Makes sense, right? Shady. FML

agreeclassic 447

vote type 1 146

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