Intimacy: Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the...

By djoe - 28/10/2010 12:00 - Australia

Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML

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vote type 1 6 330

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 20:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/02/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, my roommate brought a kitten to the apartment. I hate cats, and probably sensing this, the thing clawed me right in the crotch. I of course am not going to say a thing because I happen to be in love with my roommate, but she has no clue how much I hate this thing. FML

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By misoranomegami - 21/06/2014 02:48 - United States

Today, my mother came over to check on my new kitten while I was at work. She took a video of the kitten playing on my bed and climbing on my nightstand. Right on top of my vibrator I forgot to put away. I'm not sure if she noticed or not but she's certainly been showing the video around. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/09/2019 20:06

Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML

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By CatBlock - 31/01/2014 06:16 - United States - Decatur

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cockblocked me. FML

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By nenette - 12/11/2014 22:50 - France

Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML

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By axwound - 27/12/2009 13:04 - United States

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

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Good Meowrning!

By piliseep - 01/12/2017 09:00 - United States - Apex

Today, at 6 am, I was suddenly jerked from the warm embraces of sleep by the smell of poo. I was very groggy and confused when my hand landed in something wet and cold. I turned on the light and was horrified to find that my kitten took a huge dump in my bed. It was everywhere. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/02/2014 15:20 - United States - Reno

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

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By Anonymous - 05/06/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML

agreeclassic 45 250

vote type 1 8 311

dacho 7

Thursday 28 October 2010 19:56

Petting your pussy?

mintcar 9

Thursday 28 October 2010 19:50

So? Just explain.

Comments

jgh122293_fml 2

Thursday 28 July 2011 15:43

so u were playing with your pussy

Faheezy 1

Friday 9 December 2011 8:38

Well, you were petting a pussy. Your pussy ;) So punny!

Drobin_fml 0

Thursday 5 January 2012 2:41

"Don't mind me! I'm just playing with my pussy!

creamysandwicher 0

Saturday 4 February 2012 3:01

Just say your playing with your pussy, he/she may want to join.

npearson5290 4

Thursday 19 April 2012 1:48

Sounds like something out of Austin Powers or something. "What? I'm patting my pussy baby. Yea." *pulls out cat from blanket*

diamondbaby16 4

Saturday 7 July 2012 8:43

Well your hand was under the blanket :p

SarahhRF 6

Wednesday 11 July 2012 7:50

When did petting your pussy ever become a bad thing (: lol

cheeseandvampire 1

Wednesday 17 October 2012 5:15

some one needs to count how many Kitty jokes have been made cuz I'm too lazy

drayloon 50

Wednesday 2 January 2013 9:23

ur jus stroking ur pussy, no big deal

iLoveUnionJ 8

Friday 30 August 2013 23:22

you were playing with a pussy though..oh the irony.

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