Health: Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package...

By Anonymous - 07/01/2012 02:22 - United States

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

agreeclassic 14 043

vote type 1 62 151

New Year, New Blunders
Celebrate the New Year with stories of resolutions broken in less than 24 hours and memorable New Year's Eves... for all the wrong reasons! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

By r1has - 12/06/2016 02:58 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, while chopping green chilies, I accidentally rubbed my eyes. It currently feels like Satan pissed hellfire straight into my right eye. FML

agreeclassic 12 062

vote type 1 4 886

Pure evil

By Anonymous - 07/10/2016 20:22 - Switzerland

Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML

agreeclassic 10 987

vote type 1 1 177

By firecrotch - 04/06/2010 05:36 - United States

Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML

agreeclassic 13 814

vote type 1 35 456

By Anonymous - 04/01/2015 10:27 - Australia - Doncaster

Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML

agreeclassic 41 177

vote type 1 5 699

Let's cook

By Anonymous - 20/01/2022 08:01

Today, I may be permanently blind in one eye after my girlfriend squirted me with sauce during a playful food fight. She basically used the first bottle she could grab without looking, the extra spicy sauce I make myself that requires gloves, goggles and nose plugs while cooking. FML

agreeclassic 1 338

vote type 1 559

By Coldsnap - 12/08/2011 17:25 - Sweden

Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML

agreeclassic 35 861

vote type 1 5 017

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 12:00

Today, I was making one of those microwavable pizza kits. Realizing I had no crushed red pepper to put on it, my mom suggested using a chili pepper she had dried. Thinking it was a great idea, I cracked it open on my pizza and out popped some fuzzy white mold and two maggots. FML

agreeclassic 1 695

vote type 1 266

Weird flex but OK

By Chad - 10/06/2025 03:00 - Canada

Today, I confidently told my friends I had a high spice tolerance and took a shot of insanely hot ghost pepper sauce. I immediately hiccuped, tears started streaming down my cheeks, and I coughed so hard I fell off my chair and knocked stuff off of the table. We were in a restaurant. FML

agreeclassic 56

vote type 1 795

Spice up your life!

By Anonymous - 26/01/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to spice up my lunch by adding hot sauce to my sandwich. Little did I know, the hot sauce bottle had a faulty cap, and as I squeezed it, the entire contents shot directly into my eye. Now, not only is my lunch ruined, but I also look like I just auditioned for a role in a tear-jerker movie. FML

agreeclassic 460

vote type 1 123

By Anonymous - 06/09/2012 01:34 - Canada

Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML

agreeclassic 27 942

vote type 1 2 898

dasteve 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:43

Chillies on your willy!

Agent36263626 4

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:42

At least you know where the burning is coming from...

Comments

theone247 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 20:35

Great balls of fire

ZingZilla 8

Saturday 7 January 2012 21:04

No need to go to the doctors about your burning sensation when you piss. Way to go dumbass.

ivanhoe4u 3

Saturday 7 January 2012 21:17

Proves the theory of natural selection.

shyheart 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 22:28

Jose jalapeño on a steeek. C: lmfao.

ravenxcorvinus 9

Saturday 7 January 2012 22:30

..some like it hot..

jannadrina 3

Saturday 7 January 2012 22:35

My bf did that too then whines for like 2 hours.

mamamenee 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 23:01

Wear disposable gloves next time!! What did you think was going to happen!??

ninjacapo 2

Saturday 7 January 2012 23:13

Wow u didnt think of that??? >.< why oh why

marssy_s 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 23:30

Thats really the most stupidest thing you could ever do! xD

ronski 41

Saturday 7 January 2012 23:47

You dumb ass

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I announced to my family that I will be trying out for the next season of America's Best Dance Crew. They responded by laughing hysterically and my mother said "You guys suck, good luck making it past auditions". FML

agreeclassic 31 322

vote type 1 7 546

Today, multiple customers have complained about my body odor. Not only can I not smell anything, but I shower three times a day and brush my teeth seven times a day. FML

agreeclassic 945

vote type 1 138

Today, my parents grounded me and took away my phone, iPod and door. That's right, my door. They think that because I was stumbling and couldn't walk straight last night, I must have been out drinking. They know I suffer from chronic vertigo, but don't believe I was having an attack. FML

agreeclassic 45 412

vote type 1 3 243

Today, after graduating from the same program, I was offered several jobs, while my boyfriend wasn’t. He couldn’t be happy for me, saying, "She got in with the right people, and they just keep handing her jobs," and dismissing my work ethic. FML

agreeclassic 1 310

vote type 1 173

Today, while at work, a customer came up to me, stuck his finger in my armpit, then licked his finger. FML

agreeclassic 31 311

vote type 1 2 446

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by sending me a Bumper Sticker on Facebook that said "Bitch, let's get married". FML

agreeclassic 458

vote type 1 41