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    Remaining characters: 320

    Your story must start with “Today,” and end with “FML”. TXT language is forbidden and spelling mistakes hurt people’s eyeballs, so the use of either would result in the direct dismissal of your FML. Don’t use this space for discussions, advertising or spam, or for posting anything which isn’t an FML. Furthermore, it’s not possible to obtain badges by posting keywords, so stop believing things you’ve read on message boards. Don’t try reposting old FMLs, we’re not that daft.


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    By franska - 03/11/2015 00:14 - Suède - Lund

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I stumbled upon a slightly drunk neighbor, trying to type in the entry code with his penis. FML
    agreeclassic 925
    vote type 1 61
    Share  
    End-of-year festivities: New Year's Eve fun and frolics
    End the year on a high note with anecdotes where every New Year's Eve firecracker is synonymous with laughter! More…
    Previous FML Next FML

    TOP COMMENTS

    NewUsername 26
    Thursday 29 September 2016 10:47

    He was only slightly drunk? Wow, what happens when he gets really drunk?

    83 1
    LyricaSilvan 29
    Thursday 29 September 2016 10:42

    The mental image of that is strangely hilarious.

    79 1

    Comments

    MrsPanda 14
    Friday 30 September 2016 2:00

    Hahaha brilliant!

    0 1
    justarandomalien 7
    Friday 30 September 2016 4:05

    only slightly?

    0 1
    Exaspera 54
    Friday 30 September 2016 4:16

    Maybe that's all he knows what to do with it?

    1 0
    cakester123 11
    Friday 30 September 2016 4:27

    thats sanitary

    0 0
    SamanthaB243 22
    Friday 30 September 2016 4:49

    Slightly...?

    1 1
    howdmynosego 12
    Friday 30 September 2016 6:40

    But if he was drunk, it should be too soft

    1 1
    species4872 19
    Friday 30 September 2016 7:04

    Old wives tale.

    0 1
    Antivist 13
    Friday 30 September 2016 12:41

    Did his dick work for the entry code ? (X

    0 1
    mattyiscool123 26
    Sunday 2 October 2016 5:12

    Did it work?

    0 0
    xxUnknown 19
    Sunday 9 October 2016 5:30

    Only slightly?

    0 0
    philick 4
    Friday 11 November 2016 17:53

    love it thats a classic

    0 0
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    Keywords

    Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home
    Top FMyLife FMyLife
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    Today, I found FML for the first time in class, and literally laughed out loud in the middle of the lecture in front of 200 classmates. Today's lecture? The cruelties of slavery. FML
    agreeclassic 34 472
    vote type 1 33 153
    Today, my girlfriend hasn’t fucked me in god knows how long. I had to mention a BJ and she already said she was going to give me one for Valentine’s Day. I knew it was bullshit because it’s the 17th and still no head. I get mad when I watch sex scenes. I masturbate but it's not the same. I really wanna fuck other women. IDK WHAT TO DO. FML
    agreeclassic 306
    vote type 1 503
    Today, I’m in China for work. All my work is stored in my Google Drive, directly via the internet. It’s just a pity that Google is banned in China. FML
    agreeclassic 809
    vote type 1 219
    Today, the thirteenth new hire quit at the call center I work at, while still in training. We just started last week with a wave of 20 new hires. FML
    agreeclassic 878
    vote type 1 276
    Today, I had a police officer come to my house because I've been reported missing. My friends online decided to call the police because I haven't signed in for 6 days. FML
    agreeclassic 37 696
    vote type 1 6 718
    Today, I was at the beach with my friend on vacation. We were playing Marco Polo in the ocean and I was Marco. I thought I heard my friend, so I lunged forward and grabbed her. Too bad it wasn't my friend, it was an old guy in a pink speedo, and I grabbed his butt. FML
    agreeclassic 28 005
    vote type 1 9 437
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