Today I'm having a colonoscopy. I have to drink 4 glasses of...

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By Laxayuck - 13/02/2017 08:06 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today I'm having a colonoscopy. I have to drink 4 glasses of laxatives. The first glass has just taken me an hour to drink and I threw up in my mouth several times. 3 more to go. FML

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vote type 1 25

The rhythm of the fight
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carlgrimes47 13

Wednesday 15 February 2017 16:50

I know how they can be so salty. Try plugging your nose when you drink them. Trust me it helps

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carlgrimes47 13

Wednesday 15 February 2017 16:50

I know how they can be so salty. Try plugging your nose when you drink them. Trust me it helps

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Today, I was showing my new “smart home” setup to my friends. I said, “Alexa, dim the lights.” Nothing happened. So, louder: “ALEXA, DIM THE LIGHTS.” Still nothing. I kept yelling, getting increasingly dramatic, until one of my friends said, “Bro, your Alexa is unplugged.” FML

agreeclassic 65

vote type 1 515

Today, I found out that my fifty five year-old uncle had taken my phone and texted my girlfriend, saying ,"I'm his uncle, send tit pics." She did. FML

agreeclassic 30 760

vote type 1 3 021

Today, my dad and I got into a fight over who gets the last corner piece of the brownies. I ended up with a black eye and and a sprained wrist. He ended up with the brownie and ran away laughing. FML

agreeclassic 29 925

vote type 1 7 753

Today, my girl likes to wear my boxers around the house but she was in a pair I’d not seen before. I asked her and she went all quiet and guilty looking. Dudes, I literally caught my girlfriend in another man’s drawers. It would be tragic but right now it’s just too funny. FML

agreeclassic 581

vote type 1 75

Today, my fiancé heard I was having a rotten day at work. He stopped by the flower shop and bought me a lovely rose which I put right next to my work station. That is until a giant wasp flew out and stung me. I still have a swollen arm hours later. FML

agreeclassic 28 230

vote type 1 2 254

Today, I was sitting with a friend who moved back into town, and he told me about how he hooked up with a girl at a bar last night. I asked him if she was hot, he responded "Yeah, I have a picture of her on my phone." It was a picture of my girlfriend. FML

agreeclassic 46 411

vote type 1 2 924