Intimacy: Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt...

By southernluxe - 04/09/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 981

You deserved it 10 671

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Same thing different taste

Nasty

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 551

You deserved it 5 898

Traumatized knob

By Anonymous - 10/03/2015 19:11

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 035

You deserved it 4 623

Hott

By purple - 24/03/2012 05:30 - United States - Katy

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 213

You deserved it 12 438

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 199

You deserved it 5 591

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 330

RIP Beard

By captain patch beard - 03/10/2019 18:01

Today, I met a girl at a bar, we had a few drinks and really hit it off. We headed back to my place to get a little action. As she was riding me, she got rougher and rougher until she reached down and yanked a patch of hair right out of my beard. I yelped in pain and didn’t even finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 165

You deserved it 460

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 074

You deserved it 18 815

By mrricecakes - 23/03/2012 05:55 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 446

You deserved it 5 240

Are you experienced?

By Brax - 30/05/2012 09:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 286

You deserved it 9 431

Girl boss

By dating walter white's gf apparently - 06/04/2013 19:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 167

You deserved it 13 434

shadowgamer_x 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:05

What a hairy situation. At least this wasn't in pubelic!

Althenias 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:04

try shaving, problem solved

Comments

kikirara_fml 0

Tuesday 6 September 2011 5:35

hand job? dude how old are u?! that was like sex in the 8th grade.

gogirls 3

Friday 14 October 2011 5:54

did u get an abortion on ur hand?!

FlyingLazerWALRU 0

Tuesday 6 September 2011 6:27

I lol'd.

perfictlife14 0

Tuesday 6 September 2011 8:06

Haha shave dumbass next time that won't happen

Flakitaflaka03 4

Tuesday 6 September 2011 8:57

How about you shave?

kay729 7

Tuesday 6 September 2011 11:27

That was very nice of you, not only did you save her embarrassment you probably gave her confidence in the hand job department

lobum 12

Tuesday 6 September 2011 13:15

That's what you deserve for not manscaping! Come on, it's 2011, for ****'s sake.

hanzyb 0

Tuesday 6 September 2011 17:11

Another fake FML

xxskittlezxx1 0

Tuesday 6 September 2011 18:49

ouch enough said

dopefreshh19 3

Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:07

Lmao maybe you should shave from now on...

UnluckyDude96 8

Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:23

Ow what bloody pain in the crotch!

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