Health: Today, I got hit by a stray cantaloupe. That's not a typo. I...

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 11:06 - United States - Maryville

Today, I got hit by a stray cantaloupe. That's not a typo. I hate my neighbors' kids with a burning passion. FML

agreeclassic 21 518

vote type 1 1 359

When Christmas Ends Badly…
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By Anonymous - 26/08/2009 00:52 - Canada

Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML

agreeclassic 57 726

vote type 1 3 660

By melonhead - 14/01/2010 08:46 - Australia

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to try and break a watermelon on my head while I was asleep on the couch. FML

agreeclassic 34 905

vote type 1 3 730

Cue Shaggy

By scully11 - 02/08/2011 18:36 - Canada

Today, my old neighbor pelted me with apples when I walked out the door. I ducked for cover and asked what her problem was. She yelled, "You took fresh peas from my garden!" I looked at her garden, only to see my dad tiptoeing back to our lawn, laughing and holding a bag full of peas. FML

agreeclassic 37 384

vote type 1 3 379

By Anonymous - 21/05/2012 01:10 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed, so they circled around and threw an unopened can. That one hit. FML

agreeclassic 27 093

vote type 1 2 038

Windy Williams

By June - 31/05/2024 17:00 - United States - Flower Mound

Today, I woke up at 4AM to the sound of lightning hitting a tree in my backyard, then that tree proceeding to hit my house. Later, my neighbor's tree fell over, which hit our fence, and they're not even home. FML

agreeclassic 439

vote type 1 89

Juicy

By Anonymous - 06/08/2023 18:00

Today, I got excited when I learned that the fruit on the trees by my apartment building was ripe and free to pick. I picked myself some juicy summer plums and enjoyed them. Minutes later, my tongue started burning painfully. Turns out, I'm allergic to plums. FML

agreeclassic 986

vote type 1 148

By melon squash - 11/09/2016 10:15 - Belgium - Kessel-lo

Today, I lifted up a watermelon, not realising it had gone bad. The thing exploded like an alien giving birth. Stinking juice and rotten inside all over the kitchen. Even behind the build-in closets. It smells like rotten fruit cheese and I can't reach behind the closets. FML

agreeclassic 13 585

vote type 1 1 332

When life gives you lemons…

By Lemonhead - 30/11/2009 05:01 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike back to my house. Suddenly I was hit by something in the head. I looked down to see a lemon on the ground and looked up to see a guy yelling at me in a car that was passing. He was yelling at me because I got in the way of the house he was throwing it at. FML

agreeclassic 30 024

vote type 1 3 193

By Anonymous - 30/05/2015 03:07 - United States - Salem

Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML

agreeclassic 30 640

vote type 1 2 119

By Anonymous - 04/07/2015 06:25 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I got hit in the face by a ping-pong ball. It hit me so hard, it burst a big zit on impact. FML

agreeclassic 25 994

vote type 1 3 244

ihartmytdi 23

Monday 29 February 2016 0:39

Time to introduce them to a stray watermelon.

pixierara 28

Monday 29 February 2016 0:35

Have you talked to the parents about it? That's very odd to say the least.

Comments

katarazombie 6

Wednesday 13 April 2016 19:30

That last comment would be more ironic if it was a passion fruit lol.

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Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML

agreeclassic 41 272

vote type 1 5 694

Today, I drove over an hour to my grandma's house for her birthday party. When she answered the door, her eyes went wide and she said angrily "No, not you!" and slammed the door shut in my face. FML

agreeclassic 33 637

vote type 1 2 939

Today, I apologised to someone for my misuse of the word 'coloured' in a discussion about ethnic minority issues. They then got even more angry and said that to even quote the word in the context of an apology is evidence of my ignorance and inherent racism. FML

agreeclassic 30 050

vote type 1 4 947

Today, I was babysitting a young boy. I accidentally let a few words slip when I dropped something. He won't stop dropping the F bomb and his mother is coming to get him in the morning. FML

agreeclassic 12 207

vote type 1 38 253

Today, my husband is adamant he's not a cheater, because, "it only counts as cheating if you have sex with other women for free." Apparently 20-year-old male prostitutes don't count because they're not women and they cost money. FML

agreeclassic 3 053

vote type 1 235

Today, I told my mom that I walked in on my sister and her boyfriend having sex. My mom flew into a rage and slapped me several times, calling me a liar and made me apologize to my sister for saying something “so disgusting” about her. I wasn’t lying and she just smirked the whole time. FML

agreeclassic 1 502

vote type 1 849