Miscellaneous Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you...

sober - 12/02/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

79 411

4 334

St. Patrick's Day: Shamrocks and Tribulations
Green anecdotes of jealousy, full of shamrocks and pints, for a memorable St. Patrick's Day! …

It's better than nothing, I suppose

thatonekid - 06/05/2009 22:04 - United States

Today, my dad texted me, "I love u." I replied, "I love you too dad... are you drunk?" He answers back, "Of course I am..." My dad only tells me he loves me when he's drunk. FML

70 045

5 194

paige - 01/04/2011 03:18 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML

55 755

5 792

Illinoisgirl - 14/02/2012 14:29 - Hungary

Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML

40 264

3 054

Nice view

Sexting Parents - 16/11/2012 02:45 - United States - Short Hills

Today, my dad asked me to send my mom a text since he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I pulled up my mom's contact on his phone, and I found that my mom had recently sent my dad a picture of her jugs, along with the message, "We miss you." FML

32 879

2 761

He's still got it

Anonymous - 26/10/2019 00:01

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

1 738

154

Let down

MoxyR12 - 24/06/2009 15:33 - United States

Today, I was texting this guy that I really liked. Things were going pretty well. I got a call from his number and excitedly answered it. It was his girlfriend asking if he was bothering me because he likes to text random people when he's drunk. FML

48 846

5 734

Anonymous - 15/05/2015 23:55 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML

33 767

2 386

Supportive

arch maester shavayalsharashion - 26/07/2015 17:29 - United Kingdom - Surbiton

Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said, "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced!" and took a rain check on me. FML

25 831

2 935

Drunk MC

Anonymous - 11/03/2013 14:03 - Sweden - Sundbyberg

Today, my dad has been hitting the bottle, and will only respond to anything I say in a slurred rap. FML

31 511

3 040

Username - 17/08/2011 23:37 - United States

Today, I drunk texted a guy I like. We'd met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. FML

10 689

41 843

XxLorniklexX 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 1:13

This is why parents shouldn't text.

kk_fml 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 6:17

that is hilarious

Vaati_fml 20

Saturday 19 April 2014 7:50

"Shut up dad, you're drunk."

Druu 53

Friday 29 August 2014 8:25

I would've had a wittier comment had you called West Virginia your home state.

bagofpopkern 18

Monday 22 September 2014 5:32

I must be the only person who doesn't think the dads some pedophile

apineapple 40

Tuesday 11 November 2014 7:10

It might be wierd but he could have sent something worse.

ad1836 19

Thursday 5 November 2015 3:19

Lolol these are always hilarious

jairolover 25

Friday 22 July 2016 0:52

LMFAO

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my boss keeps pointing out similarities between his wife and me. I genuinely dislike her, and have feelings for him. FML

392

1 100

Today, while researching tea etiquette for Sunday's tea, I read, "To put milk in your tea before sugar is to cross the path of love, perhaps never to marry." I suddenly panicked that this very lack of knowledge is why I haven't met a man who wants to marry me, and that I never will. I'm only 23. FML

33 108

9 432

Today, my grandmother hates me. So much so that I've become a rotten, desperate, and overall evil person with no thoughts and considerations towards other people. My family doesn't know this, but I can never undo the damage she has done to me since birth (as she raised me). I only care about my own well-being, nothing else. FML

411

206

Today, I went dirtbiking. While I was going down a hill, I spun out of control and flipped over my handle bars. I now have a sprained arm, multiple bruises and a crescent-shaped gash on my neck that looks like I was bitten. People are asking if my boyfriend and I were being frisky last night. FML

43 234

8 913

Today, I informed my grandparents of my upcoming graduation from college. My grandma looked at me with tears in her eyes, and told me how proud she was that I was able to make it so far in spite of being autistic. I am not, nor have I ever been autistic. FML

42 192

3 471

Today, I learned that the only way to get my boyfriend to respond to me is through nudes. FML

23 747

6 498