Today, I finally had the courage to talk to my distant crush.... - FML

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By Not into sis - 07/05/2018 17:57

Today, I finally had the courage to talk to my distant crush. I learned we have a lot in common and we really connected. I also learned she has the same name as my younger sister. Now I can't stop thinking about my sister whenever I see my crush. FML

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user53658 15

Wednesday 9 May 2018 8:44

The universe played a cruel joke on you...

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user53658 15

Wednesday 9 May 2018 8:44

The universe played a cruel joke on you...

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Today, I got pulled over heading home from college. My car was full of my stuff from moving out, and I couldn't reach the glove box. I told the cop this, and asked if he wanted me to go around to the passenger side to get my paperwork. He agreed. When I got out of the car, he pepper sprayed me. FML

agreeclassic 2 552

vote type 1 189

Today, I had to clean my house to hide the evidence of the party I threw last night. I attempted to clean the puke stain on my carpet while still drunk. I didn't realize until this morning that the All Purpose cleaner I used was actually All Purpose Adhesive. The evidence is now glued to my carpet. FML

agreeclassic 7 287

vote type 1 44 375

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

agreeclassic 28 820

vote type 1 4 782

Today, I had to turn down a job offer that would have been perfect for me because post-Covid fatigue syndrome is kicking my ass. FML

agreeclassic 620

vote type 1 262

Today, my crush shared his listening age on Spotify Wrapped, as well as his top artists. We happen to have the same listening age and top artists. Yet he rejected me as a girlfriend because I’m “not his type.” FML

agreeclassic 91

vote type 1 480

Today, I had to wave my arms like a maniac as I sat on the toilet at work, otherwise the faulty motion sensor/timer would turn the lights off after about ten seconds. I've had to do this for several days now. No one else has reported this problem, so management won't get it fixed. FML

agreeclassic 38 165

vote type 1 4 365