Kids: The zoo - FML

The zoo

By margretlle - 26/04/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML

agreeclassic 54 756

vote type 1 8 421

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

By Mr.P - 21/10/2011 15:35 - United States

Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML

agreeclassic 29 239

vote type 1 3 272

Do a backflip!

By Anonymous - 22/02/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I walked out into my backyard. As I did so, my dogs ran past me, slamming the sliding door off its track. I went to catch it, and knocked the bird cage over. To complete the fumble, as I turned to catch the bird cage, I stepped in a dog turd. I wasn't wearing shoes. We're all okay, but… FML

agreeclassic 485

vote type 1 146

Flash, ah ah!

By Dumb, Dumber, and Dumberer - 12/10/2022 20:00

Today, a bird ran into my window. My overzealous cat ran at it like the Flash and smashed his face in the window. He yelped and ran away, then as I was running to see if he was OK, I slammed my face in the door jamb. FML

agreeclassic 831

vote type 1 279

By Anna - 15/06/2012 09:43 - United States - Buellton

Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML

agreeclassic 8 776

vote type 1 51 802

By No Nip - 25/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML

agreeclassic 1 996

vote type 1 487

Impressive

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

agreeclassic 59 738

vote type 1 19 551

Face your fears!

By birdsterrifyme - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Sikeston

Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML

agreeclassic 32 518

vote type 1 4 454

By mayhemily - 21/09/2015 16:22 - Canada - Aurora

Today, I passed out in my kitchen and was woken up by my dog. Not because she was worried about me, but because my body was blocking her food dish. FML

agreeclassic 22 493

vote type 1 2 978

In my way

By Anonymous - 19/09/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I tripped over my dog while carrying groceries. As I laid on the floor surrounded by smashed eggs, spilled milk, and a bruised knee, my dog stole the bread from the bag and and ran off. FML

agreeclassic 316

vote type 1 112

By birdbath - 08/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

agreeclassic 35 903

vote type 1 3 640

Next

TOP COMMENTS

24788 6

Sunday 26 April 2009 13:57

I think they planned that one out. Lol owned

SwaggerDownPat 0

Monday 12 March 2012 4:48

What exactly was the point of that comment?

Comments

katiekatiek 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 12:11

first :p and loll!

reyemrein 0

Saturday 20 February 2010 3:09

uuuuuuhhhhh your bird was probably freaked out because your dog was running around.

ryrock310 10

Thursday 6 January 2011 18:38

I have a feeling this is a fake

REFLEXED 7

Wednesday 15 June 2011 4:34

Jailbreak attempt number 2.....

LilKonvicted 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 12:13

haha

SwaggerDownPat 0

Monday 12 March 2012 4:48

What exactly was the point of that comment?

venom7 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 12:16

Now.. sh!t happens, don't it!?! LoooooooooL..

oomlot 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 12:20

Too many negative votes, comment buried

Show the comment

yojoeletsmakeout 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 12:30

Everyone on FML is getting knocked unconscious these days.

FuckThisLogin 32

Tuesday 20 October 2015 14:37

Knocked up or knocked out

Warkweh 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 13:04

Best fake FML ever.

TheFifthWitness 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 13:31

You should shoot the bird and feed it to the dog. Then cook the dog in the stove. Then, instead of calling this an FML, you could call it a lesson.

DollyMolly 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 13:42

Was your bird okay? D=

zacbreitbach 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 13:48

haha what are you some kind of pirate? No, but that really sucks FYL indeed

itsTiffany 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 13:52

Ouch, at least you're okay. Dumb parrot!

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Top

Today, I won an argument against a sexist co-worker. When I left later on, I jumped into my car to drive home, but managed to reverse it into a parked excavator. Guess who's going to hear virginal jokes about women drivers from now on. FML

agreeclassic 37 809

vote type 1 17 988

Today, at my theatre group, I was supposed to stamp my foot in a tantrum then exit stage left. I stamped my foot at just the right height and power for it to go all the way up my leg and dislocate my hip. I’m only 36 and now I might have a bad hip for the rest of my life. FML

agreeclassic 704

vote type 1 125

Today, I went to the beach. While I was enjoying the sun, an old man with prosthetic leg and no clothes on sat next to me. He took off his fake leg and put it behind his head. Then he opened his legs revealing his "stuff." I will never unsee this. Ever. FML

agreeclassic 30 193

vote type 1 2 589

Today, I went to the gas station, paid the clerk, and drove off without pumping any gas. FML

agreeclassic 15 172

vote type 1 39 041

Today, at 11 p.m., after getting up for work at 4:45 a.m., I ran up the stairs to go feed my cat. I slipped on something, missed the handrail, then fell down and cracked my head on the tile floor. My hairclip was dead center, so I then had a fun night in the ER while my dang head wouldn't stop bleeding. FML

agreeclassic 703

vote type 1 123

Today, I sat next to an attractive punk-rock guy on a plane. I tried impressing him by playing music I thought he would like. I clicked on The Who and opened a large window with the album cover so he could see. The track then shuffled, and he was faced with a giant picture of Miley Cyrus. FML

agreeclassic 17 707

vote type 1 117 584