Intimacy The pleasure, the pain

The pleasure, the pain

BadBribe - 24/06/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Finger wagging

Anonymous - 16/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

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Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

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SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 09:53 - France

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

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Miscommunication

Anonymous - 25/10/2012 05:45 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML

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Nice outing

Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

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Hidden

bootyislife - 16/06/2015 20:01 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML

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Anonymous - 28/07/2015 00:08 - United States

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

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man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

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It's getting hot in here…

Anonymous - 17/06/2022 16:00 - New Zealand

Today, my wife surprised me with a blow job. Turns out it was a punishment for not doing the washing, as she did it with Chilli powder in her mouth. FML

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Snowball

shmarf - 20/06/2015 06:00 - United States - Belton

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

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genius_man16 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 23:01

She was the one who wanted to bribe you. WTF is her problem?

pat2rome 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 23:08

Her fault for not swallowing. FYL

deaditegirl 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 0:52

She had to bribe you to "be good"? YDI for being a douchebag.

Arcterion 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 0:57

Break her nose.

Spencer_CDS 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 1:01

Pft, that's her own Goddamn fault for not swallowing, or projecting it in another direction. Any woman, by the way, who kicks a guy in the nuts, for a reason so trivial as that, deserves a punch in the ovaries.

Sawadee 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 6:02

OP...you should have done it in her mouth

SexyMami15 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 1:02

Kind of a similar thing happened to me with my dress. I told the guy to use my shirt to clean up, but he used my dress instead. Now, my dress is ruined forever.

magiczipperman 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 1:04

yo you shoulda just had her swallow problem solved

ChefBoy6382 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 1:15

next time aim for her face...

xdeathscene 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 1:17

YDI... why should she have bribe you to be good? You should be good because you love her...

Panicattackx5 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 1:21

67, that doesnt have to do with anything. The guy wanted a *******, what a crime! I blame her, she shouldn't have taken it out of her mouth :]

amazingkate 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 1:23

i don't know if your life is ******, but your relationship is ******.

Janasaury 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 1:27

What a *****. Really, if you know that you are going to do that, you shouldn't wear something that isn't easy to cum off of, or something you plan on wearing in front of your parents. That and how the hell did you manage to get it on her back? I could see her being pissed if it was on the front, but the back? And it's bs that she has to bribe you to good around her parents, unless there is some unknown factor where they are horrible to either one of you.