Sex, Roommate, Lonely and Intimacy: That old chestnut

That old chestnut

By foreveralone - 24/09/2012 23:12 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I was trying to convince my flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten. After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stared at me and said, "You really need a penis inside you now and again." FML

agreeclassic 19 833

vote type 1 23 550

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By djoe - 28/10/2010 12:00 - Australia

Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 01/05/2017 20:42

Today, I came home to yet another kitten. My girlfriend swore to me this would never happen again. When I reminded her of her promise, she told me the kitten will be staying, and she wants me to move out. FML

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I did not consent to this under my roof

By CatBlock - 31/01/2014 06:16 - United States - Decatur

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cockblocked me. FML

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By Acne_problems - 22/02/2019 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML

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By grizzlybear - 27/06/2011 05:55 - Mexico

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I had a penis, our relationship would be better. FML

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By ouchh - 11/09/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/02/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, my roommate brought a kitten to the apartment. I hate cats, and probably sensing this, the thing clawed me right in the crotch. I of course am not going to say a thing because I happen to be in love with my roommate, but she has no clue how much I hate this thing. FML

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Sick move, bro

By jlw1998 - 25/04/2016 04:36 - United States - Dallas

Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML

agreeclassic 18 505

vote type 1 4 522

CheeseTron 15

Tuesday 25 September 2012 8:49

Don't listen to her. More pussy is always the answer.

nelds 12

Tuesday 25 September 2012 8:48

Why not have both?

Comments

onorexveritas 23

Tuesday 25 September 2012 18:43

yeah, you come off as a cat lady

cynical4life 4

Tuesday 25 September 2012 19:10

She's right.. Take the advice

CeeCee_fml 16

Tuesday 25 September 2012 19:36

So, you need more dick in your life because you want to own a pet? There must be a lot of people not getting any then.

Arcangel196 0

Tuesday 25 September 2012 19:40

Hahaha lameo

monkiki62 5

Tuesday 25 September 2012 19:40

A penis is nowhere near as cute as a cat. Get the cat op

mosquito19 14

Tuesday 25 September 2012 20:43

yes, you do

Hellbound_Alleee 14

Tuesday 25 September 2012 21:00

Don't sweat it. She's just a sexist idiot. Self-hating women usually end up pregnant and single.

valrdjem 2

Tuesday 25 September 2012 21:31

I usually don't comment, but that was pretty funny.

outoftown 26

Tuesday 25 September 2012 21:57

OP's roommate just didn't want a cat, and used a put-down as an excuse. Time for a new roomate, if OP really wants a cat.

jordanhraye 18

Tuesday 25 September 2012 22:33

What's a flatmate?

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Top

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vote type 1 4 289

Today, I thought one of my flatmates was beating his girlfriend, so I barged in about to stop him. Turned out they were having really rough sex. FML

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Today, I was drunk in a hotel lobby with some of my cousins. I went out on the patio to get some fresh air when I saw a black cat in the bushes. I went straight over to it and started to pet it. I realized too late that the black cat was actually a skunk. FML

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Today, in thanks for my assistance, a customer recommended me a plastic surgeon who could "really help with that face." FML

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Today, my wife finally let our kids stay the night at my mom's house, meaning we had our first night totally alone together in 6 years. She spent all night texting my mom for updates on the kids or on the phone to her sister, so I watched a film by myself then went to bed bored at 8:15 p.m. FML

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