Insulting and Love: Rare and inventive insult

Rare and inventive insult

By fuck you - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

agreeclassic 36 676

vote type 1 3 849

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Similar FMLs

By Anonymous - 09/08/2013 14:54 - France

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

agreeclassic 55 733

vote type 1 4 953

Nice dude

By ThroatSlasher - 17/08/2015 19:20 - United Kingdom - Grimsby

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML

agreeclassic 27 019

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He's a keeper

By mariana - 08/02/2014 00:18 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

agreeclassic 48 703

vote type 1 10 351

By (._. ) - 06/08/2013 20:35 - United States - Alburnett

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd have to ask his dad if it was OK. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "Come on, Dad" and "But why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML

agreeclassic 61 791

vote type 1 5 130

By nameless - 12/07/2009 06:45 - United States

Today, I asked the girl I am in love with out on a date. She asked me for my name. FML

agreeclassic 53 295

vote type 1 11 883

By bertiebeth - 02/08/2014 05:35 - Australia - Padstow

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML

agreeclassic 47 808

vote type 1 4 035

By MysticSoup - 21/04/2019 22:00 - United States - Carthage

Today, I asked my doctor out on a date. He had his nurse turn me down. FML

agreeclassic 1 072

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Honesty is the best policy

By Anonymous - 19/06/2020 02:00

Today, I finally went on a date with a girl I've been talking to for 2 years. She is my dream girl, picture perfect and I love her with all my heart. So I asked her, half jokingly, if I was her dream guy. Her reply? "Don't ask me something you don't want to hear the answer of." FML

agreeclassic 1 434

vote type 1 1 281

By -insert clever nickname here- - 29/04/2012 23:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

agreeclassic 23 532

vote type 1 15 033

Never again

By Catsfordays - 20/08/2015 06:02 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML

agreeclassic 24 977

vote type 1 2 640

nonsensical 26

Monday 27 April 2015 0:30

"Not if I eat them first!!" Yeah, no, that'd be weird nevermind.

spamhands1 18

Monday 27 April 2015 0:24

That is not nice, your better off without him

Comments

lbguitarist 7

Tuesday 28 April 2015 5:02

Dodged a bullet? Dodged a missile, I'd say. OP's better off eithout that asshole.

GirasolNegro 22

Tuesday 28 April 2015 16:17

Sounds more like a nightmare than a dream to me!!

iLOVEbbs78138 3

Tuesday 28 April 2015 20:59

Wow, sounds like the modern day Prince Charming..

cosmicdancer84 7

Wednesday 29 April 2015 3:14

He can Derelict his own balls.

WhoCouldIBe 11

Wednesday 29 April 2015 4:32

Maybe he's gay? Or go with the 1st top comment's advice

thebakingseal 22

Thursday 30 April 2015 15:46

You deserve someone better. Don’t worry, there’ll be someone out there who treats you right!

Honeyholic5 14

Friday 1 May 2015 12:33

Ouch.. But I suppose the man of your dreams wouldn't say stuff like that.

Ricky27753 6

Sunday 3 May 2015 3:42

Lucky I wish the girl of my dreams asked me or ?

stratfordbaby94 4

Sunday 3 May 2015 21:43

What an asshole

nastya_nastenka 16

Thursday 7 May 2015 22:49

He sounds mindblowing >

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Top

Today, yet again, I had to dye my hair brown in advance of the new school year, because my school doesn't allow "unapproved" colors, even if they're natural. FML

agreeclassic 34 205

vote type 1 2 383

Today, I was supposed to fly home for my dad's funeral, but the woman in the seat next to me was so obese, her bulging flesh left absolutely no way for me to sit in my seat. I complained to the stewardess, who then forced me to leave the plane just for raising my voice in frustration. FML

agreeclassic 1 008

vote type 1 507

Today, I checked my bank account online and noticed two checks that I didn't write had gone through, so I got copies of them and recognized the handwriting. It was my best friend's. FML

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vote type 1 69

Today, I realized that when my dad said he would pay for my college, he really meant that he was going to forge my signature on a student loan in my name and not make payments on it. FML

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vote type 1 3 612

Today, my boyfriend sneaked into my room, not knowing I wasn't home. It would have been great, except my dad went in my room to put laundry away. FML

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Today, my five year-old daughter came up to me and told me she wanted to be a nun. When I asked why, she replied, "So I won't get my heart broken by a boy." FML

agreeclassic 42 102

vote type 1 7 823