Miscellaneous: May be

May be

By Anonymous - 29/02/2020 20:00

Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML

agreeclassic 1 668

vote type 1 145

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By ohEw - 09/11/2017 10:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, while doing my laundry, I found a very clean but presumably used ribbed condom in my freshly washed and dried sheets. It was not mine. FML

agreeclassic 4 027

vote type 1 275

By 99Problemsandfml - 08/11/2012 19:03 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I had to buy a new vacuum cleaner. My previous one stopped working, because apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to suck up our puppy's shit from the floor. FML

agreeclassic 26 531

vote type 1 2 522

By Mygawdwhy - 21/01/2018 01:30

Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML

agreeclassic 4 203

vote type 1 2 082

Repair this

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 06:01

Today, at my appliance job, we received a used dryer that needed to be fixed. I took it in the back room to test it. I plugged it in and turned it on. It started to smell so bad that I went to shut it down, but before I did I see two used condoms fly out of the back vent. FML

agreeclassic 902

vote type 1 58

Mortified

By Anonymous - 19/05/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, my vibrator rolled out of my bag so far down the table that I couldn’t catch it, and had to run round the table to grab it by leaning between two of my male coworkers. That vibrator lives under my bed, so the only way it could've got in my work bag would be my boyfriend pranking me. FML

agreeclassic 567

vote type 1 192

By lauren - 08/07/2010 04:51 - United States

Today, I discovered that my cleaning lady steals valuables from me, and covered it up by saying that "the vacuum must've eaten it." FML

agreeclassic 40 098

vote type 1 7 107

By Nicoleanne - 20/11/2016 14:08

Today, I hosted an open house. I forgot about it and arrived as they were leaving. There were dirty dishes and laundry everywhere, and my dildo was on my dresser. FML

agreeclassic 6 495

vote type 1 13 319

By thatsucks - 28/02/2016 20:49 - United States - Seattle

Today, I learned that my housemate used a dry vacuum to unclog the toilet before moving out and then didn't change the vacuum bag. He left several weeks ago. FML

agreeclassic 20 905

vote type 1 1 571

Welcome back!

By Terry - 21/02/2023 08:00 - United States - Tampa

Today, my girlfriend works for a company that cleans VRBOs, so while she went to see family for a week, I asked her coworkers to come clean while she was gone, even the owner of the company showed up, They deep-cleaned house, but when she got home I got yelled at for a dirty coffee mug on my desk. The coffee was still warm. FML

agreeclassic 1 103

vote type 1 122

By Sarah - 25/08/2009 16:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML

agreeclassic 71 686

vote type 1 10 433

J15237 25

Monday 2 March 2020 23:39

and what is wrong with older people having a sex life?

ahabsfan 15

Saturday 29 February 2020 21:44

Is it dishwasher safe?

Comments

ahabsfan 15

Saturday 29 February 2020 21:44

Is it dishwasher safe?

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 29 February 2020 23:28

How did you determine that? The Smell Test? Hey, at least she didn't cut her ****** with it.

J15237 25

Monday 2 March 2020 23:39

and what is wrong with older people having a sex life?

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, was my 16th birthday. Needless to say, I was delighted when my friends presented me with a birthday card in a homeroom. I pretended to be surprised and exclaimed, "Aw, you guys really shouldn't have!" They didn't. It was our teacher's birthday. They just wanted me to sign the card. FML

agreeclassic 63 072

vote type 1 5 302

Today, after a year and a half of sticking to my new wife’s “no-sex-before marriage” rule while we dated, she brushed me off while I tried to consummate the marriage. Apparently, she’s not ready to have kids yet and “semen will get the sheets dirty.” Guess I’ll be jerking it on my honeymoon. FML

agreeclassic 1 887

vote type 1 816

Today, on my way to work, the obese old guy in the house opposite mine offered me tips on my yoga technique. Not only were his tips helpful, but I now know I should either close my curtains or put clothes on when I do yoga. FML

agreeclassic 10 093

vote type 1 39 713

Today, I finally finished a drawing that someone had asked and said they would pay me for. I worked on it for multiple hours and was very proud of it. When it came to discussing payment, I asked what his best offer was. A pack of cigarettes. FML

agreeclassic 44 781

vote type 1 8 953

Today, I tried to turn in a final exam online. When I went to check if it had been submitted, Blackboard told me it did. My grade told a different story. FML

agreeclassic 2 207

vote type 1 158

Today, I was apparently too noisy when I left for work. My options are either try to be more quiet when I leave or set my alarm later and then have no time for breakfast. I share a room with my nephew and I walk to work. FML

agreeclassic 817

vote type 1 134