Sex, Painful and Intimacy: Life hacks

Life hacks

By Zibby - 11/02/2011 05:51

Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML

agreeclassic 10 491

vote type 1 80 914

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Similar FMLs

By Toothy - 02/04/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

agreeclassic 37 999

vote type 1 50 066

By sexyfail - 26/01/2010 08:59 - Australia

Today, I learned that removing your boyfriends boxers with your teeth is waaaay less sexy when you accidentally bite a chunk of his pubes and yank them out in the process. FML

agreeclassic 10 243

vote type 1 27 896

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

agreeclassic 2 470

vote type 1 787

Time consumed

By unendowed - 18/03/2012 02:11 - United States - Katy

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML

agreeclassic 30 441

vote type 1 11 708

By Surprisebuttsecks? - 07/12/2011 04:39 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend shoved a Q-tip up my ass while I was brushing my teeth. FML

agreeclassic 41 347

vote type 1 7 427

User manual

By Drewzter - 11/01/2010 03:33 - United States

Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML

agreeclassic 6 967

vote type 1 26 519

By PerfectBoyfriend - 07/06/2016 16:38 - Belgium - Reet

Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML

agreeclassic 16 433

vote type 1 1 921

Hummmmm

By Anonymous - 28/08/2013 16:11 - United States - Spokane

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

agreeclassic 56 171

vote type 1 10 546

Saucy

By ouchhhh - 20/07/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. Five seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML

agreeclassic 4 671

vote type 1 638

By FawnPrincess - 17/11/2017 15:00

Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML

agreeclassic 4 249

vote type 1 457

robc32ca 4

Friday 11 February 2011 12:08

washing is a better option

Jimboom 11

Friday 11 February 2011 12:14

Ha ha. I bet you think the idea of spicing up your sex life constitutes putting curry power on your penis.

Comments

sweet_candy_ 17

Friday 11 February 2011 20:57

You're not supposed to swallow toothpaste it's hazardous.

arrowheart 3

Friday 11 February 2011 21:09

ur an idiot

nuttynatty7 0

Friday 11 February 2011 21:19

vry vry correct

lil_lala209 5

Friday 11 February 2011 21:52

wow really? with ALL the other options you have to choose from you use toothpaste? your a real dumb ass... YDI

H2nn2h_fml 0

Friday 11 February 2011 22:12

You are so dumb, for real.

EmilyCecile 0

Friday 11 February 2011 22:28

ya know, it takes a special kind of idiot to do that my friend

EmilyCecile 0

Friday 11 February 2011 22:28

ya know, it takes a special kind of idiot to do that my friend

elkayshmay 0

Friday 11 February 2011 22:43

Duh.

kaitlynlovemee 0

Friday 11 February 2011 22:47

Oh...my god ! Hahahahaha... :D

varkey 7

Friday 11 February 2011 23:33

you are a complete idiot and you totally deserved it.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, while backpacking in Switzerland I had my camera stolen. Not only does this have photos of my entire trip but the pictures I took for my best friend's wedding. I was the only photographer of her elopement. FML

agreeclassic 51 157

vote type 1 12 239

Today, three days after my dog gave birth to her puppies, she actually picked them up and brought them to me. I thought it meant she trusted me with them. Nope. She was saying, "Here, they’re your problem now" because she hasn’t let them near her since, even to feed them. FML

agreeclassic 458

vote type 1 100

Today, my daughter told me she “doesn’t ever see herself getting in a relationship” and “dating just isn’t for her.” She’s 30 and has never been with anyone. FML

agreeclassic 226

vote type 1 963

Today, I downloaded Hinge for the first time, only to have the first guy I match with to tell me, "I can’t wait to breed you and to knock you up." FML

agreeclassic 1 494

vote type 1 276

Today, I found out that the lump in my wrist that keeps getting inflamed and sore is caused by sketching and using my laptop too much. Good thing I'm in my fourth year of studying to become a designer. FML

agreeclassic 34 966

vote type 1 3 087

Today, before a big client pitch I went into their office bathroom to quickly slick down my hair. It had two identical automatic faucets, one for water and one for hand soap. Now my hair is full of soap, and smells like industrial strength lavender. FML

agreeclassic 10 230

vote type 1 30 988