Sex, Sextoys and Intimacy: Freaky

Freaky

By Anonymous - 27/08/2010 09:15 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex yet, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite." Now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

agreeclassic 46 975

vote type 1 5 023

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By Can't Unsee - 25/08/2018 22:00

Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML

agreeclassic 3 217

vote type 1 592

Peaked

By herve - 22/05/2009 19:50 - Lebanon

Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

agreeclassic 92 138

vote type 1 11 640

By possibly fucked - 22/06/2014 20:34 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

agreeclassic 66 934

vote type 1 9 562

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By Erik Monkey - 27/04/2022 07:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my girlfriend finally showed me the porn she likes to watch. Amputees were involved. FML

agreeclassic 1 082

vote type 1 266

Show and tell

By Boyufd - 22/04/2020 23:00

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

agreeclassic 2 222

vote type 1 323

By Anonymous - 13/07/2011 05:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

agreeclassic 81 798

vote type 1 8 527

By Geez - 19/10/2009 17:02 - Netherlands

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

agreeclassic 30 248

vote type 1 3 780

Bigger than...

By Jim - 26/11/2019 16:00 - Canada - Winfield

Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML

agreeclassic 2 543

vote type 1 542

By Anonymous - 16/08/2015 15:49

Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML

agreeclassic 31 998

vote type 1 3 587

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 11:40 - United Kingdom - Chatham

Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML

agreeclassic 32 424

vote type 1 3 441

rockr_chick 5

Friday 27 August 2010 16:32

its going to be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway

Smyth 3

Friday 27 August 2010 16:37

A forearm sized *****? She set herself up for disappointment with that one.

Comments

RajaRaja 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:21

hah

GrammerNazi1000 8

Friday 27 August 2010 16:21

I suggest HOLY SHIT!!

lesliexhardcorex 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:21

oh god. hahahaha

Granddragon 0

Friday 27 August 2010 18:45

haha I know. I'm just hoping he has skinny forearms.

MarkSeattle 0

Friday 27 August 2010 20:32

lol. no kidding. even a super tiny guy forearm would be 10" long and at least 9" circumference towards the elbow.

hateplow 3

Friday 27 August 2010 16:21

classy lady

swimmerstud 7

Friday 27 August 2010 16:21

Too many negative votes, comment buried

Show the comment

DeesFMLs 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:21

LOL

xxroseyxx 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:23

blahhh

DeeeXoxo 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:22

haha you have a crazy gf

Doopliss01 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:22

Too many negative votes, comment buried

Show the comment

MrConfusion 21

Thursday 5 May 2016 5:38

Found the 10 year old!

nibbles101 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:22

loosey goosey :]

j5p332 6

Friday 27 August 2010 16:43

Indeed. Good luck throwin' your hot dog down her hallway..... or break in the backdoor...

Colecto_fml 26

Thursday 13 February 2014 16:42

After what we've heard, I don't think the backdoor would need any breaking in

swimmerstud 7

Friday 27 August 2010 16:23

I ment you not your. haha I wonder how floppy her ****** is?

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Keywords

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I was on a date with a girl I've had feelings for since I was 14 (I'm 22). I took her out to dinner, then to a movie that we both liked and had a few drinks afterwards. I thought it was going really well until I was driving her home and she asked to be dropped off at her boyfriend's house. FML

agreeclassic 47 233

vote type 1 6 598

Today, I was asked to translate for a family in Arabic since I’m the only one in my office who speaks Arabic. Turns out the family is actually from Bangladesh. They speak Bengali. When I explained this to my coworker he replied, “But aren’t y’all Middle Easterns related or something?” FML

agreeclassic 1 152

vote type 1 100

Today, I received a package that I thought contained a textbook for law school, for which I paid $130 used. Instead, I received a paperback novel titled "The Nosy Neighbor" by Fern Michaels. My semester starts next week. FML

agreeclassic 924

vote type 1 122

Today, I took my dog to the park. He ran straight into a muddy pond, came back to shake himself off, and got mud all over my freshly cleaned white hoodie. A stranger passing by gave us a thumbs up and said, “Good boy!” I'm not sure who he was talking to. FML

agreeclassic 298

vote type 1 207

Today, I discovered that the reason my neighbors have been giving me weird looks while whispering to each other lately is because I've started walking my cat on a leash, and this is apparently "a cause for concern about my mental health." FML

agreeclassic 930

vote type 1 323

Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML

agreeclassic 38 106

vote type 1 7 191

Freaky

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Peaked

No kinkshaming, but come on…

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