Health, Food and Miscellaneous: Damn - FML

Damn

By zzzgrady - 27/10/2010 02:46 - United States

Today, after having the worst night of my life, my boss chewing me out and acid reflux all morning, I went to the snack machine at work to get the only thing that makes me happy, Reese's PB cups. I had just enough money to buy the very last one in the machine, and it got stuck. FML

agreeclassic 34 178

vote type 1 4 152

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Similar FMLs

By Anonymous - 15/01/2013 20:56 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, after a long, horrible day at work and some fighting with my family and my girlfriend, I decided to cheer myself up by going to McDonald's for a change. I burst into tears when the cashier told me they couldn't make me a Mars McFlurry because they'd run out of ingredients. FML

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By f*ck - 06/03/2015 17:41 - Australia - Reynella

Today, I saw my boss heading my way at work. He has a "no food in the office" policy, so I quickly scarfed down my Pop-Tart. I ended up choking on it so hard that I threw up. FML

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By itsthebestdayoftheyear - 22/12/2015 12:30 - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, after 3 years of hard work, very little vacation and no raises, our boss got us a crappy box of drug store cookies as an employee appreciation gift. Which he ended up eating. FML

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By aquagoddess - 03/07/2018 19:00

Today, I used the last of my money to buy a bag of vending machine chips for dinner. It got stuck. A passerby saw and generously offered to buy another bag of the same chips to dislodge it. Gratefully, I accepted his offer. It stayed stuck. FML

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By Z'ev - 05/04/2013 16:34 - United States - New York

Today, I went to get my car fixed. There was a vending machine in the waiting room, and I was hungry. The snacks were overpriced, but I still had a little money left over. I noticed a bag of Cheetos hanging loose, so I paid for them, hoping to get two bags. They both got stuck. FML

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Man vs. Machine

By Anonymous - 08/09/2024 14:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I spent way too long battling a vending machine that ate my dollar but didn’t give me my snack. After shaking it, kicking it, and practically hugging it, I finally gave up. As I walked away in defeat, it dropped the snack. I rushed back to claim my prize… and the janitor grabbed it before I could. FML

agreeclassic 435

vote type 1 106

By Wormy - 11/05/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I bit into a Reese's Cup that had been sitting on my desk for a while. As I did, half of a yellow meal worm fell out and landed in front of me, the other half was in my mouth. It was wiggling. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/02/2016 11:17 - United States

Today, I forgot to bring my lunch to work. I got so hungry, I resorted to eating antacid tablets from the medicine cabinet for lunch. FML

agreeclassic 17 255

vote type 1 6 342

Suspicious

By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 05:43 - United States

Today, one of my usually unpleasant managers offered me a slice of cheese cake for doing a good job. I declined, but after some pestering on his part I finally accepted it. I have been violently ill for the past two hours. FML

agreeclassic 32 734

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Hangry

By Broke as hell - 07/04/2020 23:00

Today, after being robbed last week, I had no money to go to the store for food. Instead, my dinner consisted of two Tums chewables in tropical fruit flavors. After not eating all day, I thought they actually tasted pretty good. FML

agreeclassic 2 051

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Next

TOP COMMENTS

cheapluxury 4

Wednesday 27 October 2010 9:27

Rage against the machine??

luis01 0

Wednesday 27 October 2010 9:18

I hate when that happens

Comments

ergo_fml 13

Wednesday 27 October 2010 16:46

How would that help your acid reflux?

smurf1 0

Wednesday 27 October 2010 16:47

I feel your pain!!  I LOVE REESES!!

QwertyMcNugget 0

Wednesday 27 October 2010 18:32

Haha, your life is average.

eze950 2

Wednesday 27 October 2010 19:03

O man that's happened to me too...I feel ya

stewpididiot 11

Wednesday 27 October 2010 19:25

ram your bosses head against the machine until the candy comes out.... or his brains... whatever.

PWNjaban 0

Wednesday 27 October 2010 19:34

YDI for relying on candy to be your sole happiness in life, fatty.

kel_pie 1

Wednesday 27 October 2010 21:32

shake that damn machine into submission...

Zigma_fml 0

Wednesday 27 October 2010 21:57

I believe this calls for a FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU picture. They should illustrate this.

MrBigDog2U 0

Wednesday 27 October 2010 23:58

So the F.. what.

Takador 3

Thursday 28 October 2010 0:47

the classic story

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Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML

agreeclassic 561

vote type 1 2 300

Today, I hired a private investigator to find out if my wife of 15 years is cheating on me with my brother. I don't know what's worse, that she is cheating on me, or that instead of cheating with my brother she's cheating with my brother's wife. FML

agreeclassic 61 252

vote type 1 5 555

Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML

agreeclassic 56 720

vote type 1 6 403

Today, this guy I was seeing dumped me for "bombarding" him with text messages. I'd sent him one text asking if he was okay, after he stood me up 2 nights in a row. FML

agreeclassic 21 885

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Today, my boyfriend and I had a fight about his parents. We're both 23-year-old university students who aren't allowed in his bedroom unless the door is completely open. Nothing he says to his parents will change this. FML

agreeclassic 1 746

vote type 1 722

Today, my girlfriend got the brilliant idea of trying out a sex tip dreamed up by one of the glorified trolls at Cosmo. I think my balls are broken beyond repair. FML

agreeclassic 51 774

vote type 1 7 207