Love, Stalker and Scary: Creepy

Creepy

By Anonymous - 20/12/2009 08:47 - Canada

Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently duplicated my keys before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering, “He looks like Jesus.” FML

agreeclassic 46 439

vote type 1 3 674

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By Anonymous - 07/01/2014 21:24 - United States

Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML

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Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML

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By drugged_on_arrival - 10/09/2009 10:55 - Virgin Islands British

Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and disoriented. You know, the kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-fight-now-we-can-get-married crazy. She says everything's fine now and she's so glad we've "started our family." FML

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By Anonymous - 17/04/2012 20:53 - United States - International Falls

Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML

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By Big Baby - 28/01/2017 00:00

Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/05/2013 20:21 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML

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By oh - 23/02/2016 02:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my ex-girlfriend woke up from a coma that lasted a few months. Her parents called me from the hospital shortly after because she was in hysterics that I wasn't there. Apparently she thinks we're still together, and I now have to somehow break up with her again after almost a year apart. FML

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Where am I?

By Anonymous - 13/10/2008 08:25

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but it wasn’t actually her. What happened last night? FML

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By RomanceFail - 02/04/2015 12:51 - United States - Crestwood

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

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By bTOhno - 13/08/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML

agreeclassic 45 083

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Rebecca1993 0

Sunday 20 December 2009 16:20

._. boy do you know how to pick them.

xCrackerx 3

Sunday 20 December 2009 16:48

She sounds like a keeper. Always by your side, just like a dog. That's loyalty.

Comments

brandishmandii 2

Sunday 9 March 2014 0:45

Bullshit

athrowaway 5

Thursday 2 April 2015 16:16

Then what happened?

PVXCRunner15 12

Sunday 16 August 2015 20:10

That sounds like a call to 911

fryebaby623 14

Friday 13 November 2015 8:21

restraining order time!

twilight2002 17

Wednesday 30 December 2015 15:04

I bet you screwed her...lol...guys lol

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, my thoughts are filled with fantasies of pleasuring my boss under his desk, to the point where it distracts me from job duties. I take a break and wank at work, and then I return to my normal way of thinking and how much I love my wife and how happy I am. Lust really can blind someone to what is important. FML

agreeclassic 226

vote type 1 585

Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML

agreeclassic 32 661

vote type 1 6 799

Today, my dumbass cat sat on a lit candle. The whole house now smells like burnt hair and I now have to clip clumps of wax-burnt hair off his bum. FML

agreeclassic 8 023

vote type 1 974

Today, my friend dragged me out of a movie because they swore a bit and there was drug use. Apparently, she's a Mormon now, and, "doesn't want her values compromised." This from the same girl who tried to get me to try crack a few weeks ago. FML

agreeclassic 1 790

vote type 1 241

Today, a lady talking about the Bible came to my house. She looked at me and said I wouldn't need to cut myself if I had God in my life. Mom heard and did a thorough investigation of my body for scars. I had to bathe my rabbit last night, and he scratched me. They were from him. FML

agreeclassic 1 693

vote type 1 190

Today, my hubby asked me what we were doing for dinner. He'd already asked me twice and each time I responded, he said, "Sounds good." He has no idea why I feel like he doesn't listen to me. He's been doing this shit for 12 years. FML

agreeclassic 1 554

vote type 1 353

Creepy

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