Intimacy: Captain Jack

Captain Jack

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 22:22 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

agreeclassic 18 424

vote type 1 43 639

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By milked - 27/02/2015 05:28 - United States

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

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By anonymous - 03/06/2013 04:41 - United States - Banner Elk

Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML

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Tiger King

By ??? - 12/10/2020 08:00 - United States

Today, I asked my wife how we could spice up our sex life. She wants me to dress up and talk like Joe Exotic. No, she wasn’t kidding. FML

agreeclassic 1 419

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Spice it up

By Jan - 13/10/2025 20:00

Today, my husband came home, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the bedroom. Furious, I shrieked to be put down and demanded an explanation. He said, "I thought you wanted us to be more spontaneous…" Apparently, that means he should treat me like a sex toy. FML

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By Anonymous - 04/01/2016 06:59 - United States - Atwater

Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML

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By JK - 01/02/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML

agreeclassic 30 979

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Get it on

By xomelodygervais - 08/11/2013 14:00 - Canada - Timmins

Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML

agreeclassic 29 022

vote type 1 6 197

Dirty talk

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 06:57 - United States

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

agreeclassic 44 328

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Try it, you never know…

By Anonymous - 02/01/2013 10:34 - United States - Sanford

Today, my husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs for women. When I asked them what they were for, he said he wanted to spice up our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML

agreeclassic 46 365

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Revealing

By kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

agreeclassic 30 134

vote type 1 51 061

alstbv12 13

Sunday 12 August 2012 5:06

I guess he wanted to try the one-eyed pirate with you.

alissa222 15

Sunday 12 August 2012 5:09

At least he tried?

Comments

lander26 0

Sunday 12 August 2012 8:21

Slurp slurp slurp........ ECHO echo echo echo.

angelwolfe 15

Sunday 12 August 2012 8:22

That made me lol

Yaen 18

Sunday 12 August 2012 8:27

Coolest. Husband. Ever.

avamorrison 0

Sunday 12 August 2012 8:28

You asked for it, love ;)

dggcharles 4

Sunday 12 August 2012 8:34

U got what u asked for so what's the problem?

DracoSpirita 21

Sunday 12 August 2012 18:41

The problem is your horrid typing skills.

purpledrizzle 5

Sunday 12 August 2012 8:58

X marks the spot ;)

s3cr3t 4

Sunday 12 August 2012 9:21

At least he said it seductively.

andria907 2

Sunday 12 August 2012 9:26

Hey he is trying!!! My husband does the same thing I really enjoy it

Calyx_fml 21

Sunday 12 August 2012 9:34

Your husband rules.

arw31089 2

Sunday 12 August 2012 9:43

Lmao!!! Message received. He thought it was sexy

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Today, I finally had an interview for my dream job. It was all going great until I started chuckling uncontrollably, snorted like a pig and hit the guy with the world's largest snot rocket. All I could do was slip out the door as he sat paralysed with shock. FML

agreeclassic 2 364

vote type 1 562

Today, two months after moving up to Scotland to be with my fiancé, he broke up with me because he 'didn't love me anymore and hadn't for a long time.' Shame he didn't tell me that when he was saying 'I love you, I want to marry you', having sex with me, and using my savings for a deposit on a flat. FML

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vote type 1 4 823

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

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vote type 1 508

Today, I found a mouse stuck in a glue trap at work. I had to take it home to get it off with oil, and then I released it outside. Twenty minutes later, the cat returned it to me, dead. After that, the dogs dug it up where I buried it. Sorry, mouse. FML

agreeclassic 1 370

vote type 1 452

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I've heard some weird reasons before, but "My future self told me to" is a new one. FML

agreeclassic 918

vote type 1 137

Today, my friend started his first day of work with me. I thought it'd be fun, but he's been putting on an obnoxious fake French accent and saying "merde" whenever anything goes wrong. Half the women at the office want his dick, and I'm still as single as ever. FML

agreeclassic 47 435

vote type 1 6 001