Thief

Artful dodger

By Anonymous - 13/08/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my chemotherapy has knocked me so I couldn’t even climb stairs at the train station. Another passenger helped me to the top, which I was so grateful for until I realised he was a pickpocket. On one staircase he got away with my wallet, phone, earphones, and gold bracelet FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 87

Thievery

By Anonymous - 18/04/2013 04:00 - United States - New York

Today, I had to explain to a woman why she wasn't allowed to squeeze all the contents of the sample lotion bottle into her own bottle. She threw a fit, and dumped the whole bottle on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 317

You deserved it 4 074

He needs them more than you

By cjj325 - 20/03/2009 23:35 - United States

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my best friend. We were on the beach and it was fairly crowded but we got in the water at this really secluded area. While we were swimming I looked up to see a homeless man wearing my clothes, walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 040

You deserved it 32 541

Badass

By Bloodline's Dead-End - 25/09/2024 08:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my grandmother and I got mugged. As I stood there paralyzed with fear, she grabbed the mugger from behind as he escaped, and gave him a suplex, knocking him out. Then, as if nothing happened, she dusted herself, picked up our things, held my hand, and said, "Come on baby, let's get you a clean pair of shorts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 227

You deserved it 496

Suspected

By Anonymous - 09/12/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I was been accused of stealing lunches from the fridge at work. I’m a huge germaphobe and would NEVER eat someone else’s food, but because I’m the fattest one in the office, everyone automatically blamed me. Hashtag fatgirlproblems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 173

Name names

By James - 30/03/2022 04:00

Today, and every time I try my hand at content creating, I get 0 appreciation or recognition, beyond bigger content creators stealing my work and ideas as their own, and seeing them get the many 10s of thousands of views I could have gotten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 282

Doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 13:59

Today, after I went to live with my biological mom, after she convinced me she’s been off drugs while I was living with my grandparents, she gave me one of two puppies she'd bought as a gift. Then she got arrested. Turns out she stole said puppy. Some things never change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 99

Dumbass

By Anonymous - 21/11/2022 04:00

Today, my son is an idiot, but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt by giving him a job as a cashier in one of my stores. Within half an hour, I was sent security footage from that store's manager showing my son on his phone, ignoring customers, picking his nose, and stealing money from the till. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 446

By Anonymous - 05/09/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, my house was broken into. I'm really poor and don't have a television or nice clothing, so they just dumped my trash all over the house and stole my one loaf of bread that was supposed to last me for the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 910

You deserved it 191

Heist

By Pedro the Basuraman - 11/05/2018 20:30

Today, after 27 years of dedicated and loyal service, it finally happened, I was robbed at gunpoint at work. The whole heist only took about 30 seconds and the perpetrator took off without taking anything from me. I still don't get it. What kind of screwball would hijack a garbage truck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 509

You deserved it 211

Nicked it

By Imdead - 14/09/2018 22:00

Today, we're taking the plane home from Dublin after a school trip that I only barely got onto after troubles with my passport. Luckily for me, a kind person had decided to save me from the passport this evening - together with the rest of my wallet. I'm stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 728

You deserved it 242

Smooth criminal

By omgfmlhard - 11/05/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I walked into Best Buy to buy a 42" widescreen TV I'd been saving up for many months. As I walked in, a man stopped me and handed me my wallet that I'd accidentally dropped. I thanked him. Five minutes later at the checkout, I opened up my wallet to realize it was empty. He had stolen everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 986

You deserved it 12 077

Unforeseen consequences

By DontSteal - 09/05/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, my credit card information was stolen and the account locked. I'll get a new card in 10-14 days, after a planned medical trip for an increase in seizures. Without a credit card, I can no longer check into the hotel, nor access cash before my flight. The next opening is in 3 months. If I die I'm haunting you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 123

Keep quiet

By PoorAndabroke - 28/05/2022 22:00

Today, I learned that you shouldn’t announce on social media that you’re leaving on vacation for a week. Your house might get broken into, and all your electronics will be missing. They were kind enough to leave a note saying, “If you can afford a vacation, you can afford to replace all this shit. Have fun!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 1 445

My gift is my song and this one's for you

By sadsongstress - 12/08/2009 11:18 - Belgium

Today, my ex got dumped by his girlfriend. Seeing my opportunity, I sent him a song I'd written for him, about how much I still love him. He sent it on to the girl who had just dumped him, claiming he had written it. They're now back together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 304

You deserved it 22 829

Surprise !

By kelsey - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, someone stole my phone at a concert. They apparently thought it would be funny to text my mom saying I was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 650

You deserved it 5 099

Don't look back

By Mike - 27/05/2021 02:01

Today, I took my car to a car wash, and when I got it back, one of the rearview mirrors was missing. Someone knocked it off and the management refuses to cooperate on who was the thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 78

Weirdo cousin

By notyourbaby - 07/03/2021 19:58

Today, I found out my cousin stole my used pregnancy test and ultrasound pictures the last time she came to visit, and tried to fake a pregnancy. This was two years ago when she stayed at my house. I just found out I'm pregnant again, and guess who just asked to come to stay and "visit"? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 108

Tea leaf

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Lafayette

Today, I found the purse that some asshat stole from my 15-year-old sister a few days ago. I found it in my now ex-boyfriend's closet. When I confronted him, he broke up with me for "invading" his privacy and kicked me out, without the purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 732

You deserved it 4 028

Alexa, play "Ironic" by Alanis Morrissette

By irony, huh? - 20/10/2019 14:00

Today, I got mugged. For an actual mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 409

You deserved it 115

Rookie mistake

By no selfie for me - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Pasadena

Today, I was at the park unsuccessfully trying to take a selfie. A stranger walked up to me and offered to take the picture for me. I agreed and gave him my phone. He took it and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 273

You deserved it 59 961

Boo! Get better material!

By Anonymous - 22/03/2022 18:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I recently met. He was quite funny throughout our meal, so I came home and told my flatmate all about him and the stories he'd told me. My flatmate said, "Hang on…", pulled out his laptop, and showed me some videos. All my date's jokes were stolen from Ricky Gervais. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 158

Smart criminals

By Annette - 27/11/2020 23:01

Today, I came out to find my truck window broken. They broke into my truck to yank out the stereo. It was unlocked the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 104

Sneaky

By Anonymous - 15/06/2023 10:00

Today, I caught my dad stealing my money again, after I'd warned him he was on his last chance. I threw him out, since he’s been sleeping rough on my sofa. He reported me to the authorities for "elder abuse" and showed them fresh bruises I know the conniving old bastard gave himself. I was handcuffed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 97

Dodgy

By Anonymous - 13/02/2022 14:00

Today, I got a letter from a hostel I stayed at saying they were going to sue me for leaving them a negative Google review. I was the victim of a $7000 theft crime there. They refused to call the police and ambulance when it happened, and they didn’t even give me my money I paid to stay there back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 445

You deserved it 130

Scam artists

By oldladiesbecrazy - 03/09/2021 07:59

Today, in a market, an old lady stood beside me for a few moments, not saying a word, before turning to me and screaming that I'd taken the money out of her purse. Security was called and I was given the ultimatum to either go to jail or give her the money back. Now I have no food for next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 298

You deserved it 142

Why mother, why?

By Gee, thanks mom - 15/02/2022 14:00

Today, my mother yet again chose to put my brother's junkie of an ex-girlfriend's needs and happiness above mine, despite the fact that she's stolen thousands of dollars and anything else of value from my mom's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 99

You asshat

By Natalie - 14/07/2012 16:46 - United States - Odessa

Today, my father, who's never played much part in my life, told me how proud he is of me. I choked back tears, and we hugged for the first time in years. Later, I choked back my rage when I saw he'd opened my mail and obviously planned on leeching my new-found SSI money off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 082

You deserved it 2 247

Stars of CCTV

By lobotomized - 13/07/2009 03:15 - United States

Today, a couple came into the gas station where I work to ask for directions. While I was giving the woman directions (and even writing them down to be as helpful as possible), the man stole my wallet out of my purse that was sitting on the other end of the counter behind a display. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 728

You deserved it 7 753

Help yourself

By BunnysKitty - 10/07/2017 22:30 - United States - Columbia City

Today, I wanted to pack my lunch with some of my homemade meatloaf leftover from last night's dinner, but I couldn't find it anywhere in my fridge. Later in the evening, my boyfriend's parents invited us over for dinner. They served meatloaf. The meatloaf they stole from my fridge last night when they visited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 928

You deserved it 364

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend after helping him study for his ACT, giving him a back rub, and having really awesome sex with him. His reason for dumping me? He's too stressed out to have a girlfriend right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 802

You deserved it 4 638

Today, the police turned up. It turns out the girl I slept with two nights ago was burgled. She told my great aunt, who happens to live next door to her. They then told my grandparents, who then told my mum. I'm now a suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 729

You deserved it 181

Today, I realized that my fiancé only touches me when he wants to have sex. Any other contact is purely accidental. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 367

You deserved it 4 358

Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 561

You deserved it 53 302

Today, most of my neighbours came to my house in an angry mob to complain about my dog barking. I don't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 244

You deserved it 2 331

Today, the guy I've talking to for the past 8 months just celebrated his six month 'anniversary' with his girlfriend. He picked her over me, but we agreed to be just friends. My feelings haven’t gone away, though. I can’t help but be jealous and depressed every time he posts about their relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 992