The Top

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The top of the year

Am I still here?

By Anonymous - 12/01/2026 03:00

Today, I walked into the wrong classroom, sat down, took notes for ten minutes, and only realized my mistake when the professor asked me to introduce myself and explain why I was there. I wasn’t even enrolled in the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 317

Mucky

By Anonymous - 04/04/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I discovered that my body wash bottle's top came open last night without me realizing it. Space is limited in my bedroom so the only place I could put it (I live with my parents and they can be absentminded) was behind the TV. The good news is it didn't get on the TV; the bad news is it's all over the stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 367

Don't tell Hbomberguy!

By Bad speech - 06/09/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I was asked to give a toast at my cousin’s wedding. Nervous, I copied a speech template I found online. Halfway through, the groom’s father interrupted me to say, “I read that exact speech on Pinterest.” I wanted the ground to swallow me whole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 562

Merry Mystery Christmas!

By Santa - 24/12/2025 00:00

Today, I wrapped all my Christmas gifts at midnight. In my exhaustion, I forgot to label them. On Christmas morning, everyone will open presents while I try to remember who was supposed to get socks versus who was supposed to get a coffee maker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 362

Excellent

By Anonymous - 21/03/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I walked into my apartment after work, only be to greeted by an awful smell. I searched every inch of the place, convinced something had died. After an hour of searching around, I found the source: a single forgotten boiled egg in one of my backpack's pockets. I will never forget the smell of sulphur or whatever it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 464

Monday morning grind

By Anonymous - 15/12/2025 15:00

Today, I joined a work call while rushing breakfast. I muted myself, or so I thought, until my boss asked who was “chomping.” I froze, mid-bite, while everyone waited. My coworker said it sounded “nutritious,” which somehow made it worse. I didn’t speak again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 363

Hey big spender!

By Anonymous - 11/11/2025 22:00

Today, I received a food delivery. The bag was huge. I thought the restaurant had made a mistake and given me extra food. I checked the receipt; it said, “Special note: For our hungriest customer. Extra napkins!” They'd remembered me from last time I ordered a ton of food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 316

Intense humming

By Anonymous - 02/08/2025 03:00 - United States - Houston

Today, while using a public bathroom, I was singing to myself because I thought I was alone and not in a rush. When I opened the door, three people were waiting in line. One of them rushed in behind me, another seemed really annoyed, and the third person said, "I love that song!", confirming that they heard everything FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 534

Movie night

By Boo! - 14/12/2025 03:00

Today, I tried to sneak a burrito into a movie theater by hiding it in my jacket. Halfway through the trailers, the foil popped loudly, and the burrito slid out and rolled down the sloped aisle like a tiny log. The theater lights were still on, people turned to watch, so I pretended it wasn’t mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 515

Plumbed out

By Jeff101 - 25/03/2025 20:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I tried to fix a leaking pipe under the sink. I watched a YouTube tutorial and was feeling confident that I could get the job done. Two hours later, half of the kitchen was practically flooded because I forgot to cut the water off, and scrambled to actually find the main valve, then I had to call an emergency plumber, who showed up, laughed, and fixed it in five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 582

Are you OK?

By Anonymous - 10/10/2025 22:00

Today, I was leaving a café. I pushed confidently on the glass door… which didn’t move. I pulled. Nothing. I pushed again, harder. Still nothing. A barista finally yelled, “Other side!” as I realized I’d been wrestling with a decorative wall mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 352

Lost it

By Anonymous - 05/07/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I went to an escape room on a date. I was convinced I’d be the puzzle-solving hero, so I sprinted ahead… straight into a low-hanging laser sensor that set off alarms and locked every door. We had to be rescued by staff, and my date still hasn’t talked to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 679

No more fun

By Single - 10/01/2026 12:00

Today, my fiancé called off our engagement because I told him, "I've had fun, now I want to settle down in life." According to him, our marriage should be our fun. I have no idea what he's talking about. Yeah, mortgages and babies are such fun. Idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 805

Tipping point

By Anonymous - 11/04/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I went to a self-checkout kiosk and it asked if I wanted to tip. For what? Watching myself scan groceries? I still ended up tipping 10% because I panicked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 451

Delicate cycle

By Fergie03 - 14/11/2025 22:00

Today, I did laundry for the first time in weeks. Feeling productive, I dumped everything in, including what I thought was my pile of towels. Turns out, I washed (and shrunk) my roommate’s $200 wool sweater. She found out when I proudly showed her how “clean” everything looked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 435

Snitch

By Anonymous - 15/05/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, as revenge for not buying her a new iPhone, my twelve-year-old daughter told her father that my boyfriend, who just moved in with us, is on the sex offender list. My ex turned my boyfriend into the cops and his parole could be revoked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 1 766

Gaming the system

By Anonymous - 06/12/2025 09:00

Today, I indulged in some online gambling. I wisely only spent $100 and won, quite a bit; I even wisely withdrew 2/3rds of the money into my bank account. Thing is I'm on SSI, which requires me to keep a maximum amount of money in my bank; if it goes over I get cut off. Now I'm scrambling to spend my winnings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 401

Urbex is risky stuff

By Curiosity nearly killed me - 18/07/2025 12:00 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I was riding my bike when I passed a derelict house that recently burned. Curious, I dismounted and went inside. I stepped on a nail, and while I was staggering in agony, I hit a weak spot in the floor and broke my other leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 769

Bull

By Bull no more - 11/12/2025 20:00

Today, I'm the "bull" of a cuckolding relationship. Well, not anymore: I got the usual "come over" text and went over, only for the husband to come after me with a crowbar, yelling that his wife treats him like dirt because of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 306

You really shouldn't have

By BB_Skylar - 11/10/2025 20:00

Today, I found that my (well-meaning and very kind) Dad cleaned up under my bed after a little mold problem. The problem? He cleaned up a few empty THC gummy containers and saw my dildo. And I thought living at home at uni was a good idea… FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 341

Help! I need somebody!

By Not John, Paul, George or Ringo - 24/07/2025 03:00 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I tried cutting my own bangs to save money. When I was done, they were so crooked that my roommate thought I’d lost a bet. Now I have to go into work tomorrow looking like a rejected Beatles tribute act. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 513

A rock and a hard place

By Anonymous - 27/01/2025 06:00 - United States - Orange Park

Today, I’ve been having an affair with my cousin’s husband for the last 16 years. For 3-ish months, when my husband gets drunk, he accuses us of cheating & threatens to tell everyone. Sober, he remembers nothing. We are constantly worried he will tell but are too in love to end it. Both in bad marriages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 1 906

Crossed wires

By katsumi - 29/08/2025 05:00 - Japan - Setagaya-ku

Today, I spent hours carefully writing a super-polite email to an international law firm about an invoice mistake. I finally pressed send, only to realize I had addressed it to my gym trainer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 330

But… I'm hungry!

By Anonymous - 05/04/2025 12:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I ordered a pizza for delivery after a long day. When the delivery guy showed up, I realized I had no cash, so I tried to pay him using my credit card. Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember the PIN, and after three failed attempts, the delivery guy just stared at me in awkward silence and said, "It’s okay, I’ll just take the pizza back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 505

Girl power!

By Anonymous - 22/03/2025 22:00 - Canada

Today, I was trying to break up with my boyfriend over text. I was being really careful to phrase it nicely, and I hit send with a sigh of relief. Except I sent the text to my mom, who now keeps sending me unsolicited advice about my "love life" with an occasional "You go, girl!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 582

Oh wow, that's rude

By Nena - 26/12/2025 03:00

Today, I posted a meme on Facebook that said, “Dear Santa, I want a man who’s at least 6ft tall, abs, can plan dates, texts back, has a job and a car.” A friend of mine commented, “Dear Santa, I want a girl under 150lbs, no kids, no emotional baggage, self sufficient and doesn’t bitch 24/7.” His comment got 25 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 732

Why me?

By Irenne - 26/11/2025 03:00

Today, the coworker I like reported me to HR for "sexual harassment." All I did was make him lunch every day, give him 'just because' gifts, and compliment him in a non-sexual way. It sure isn't "sexual harassment" when another coworker of ours does the exact same things; in fact, he praises it and acts indifferent to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 853

I'll do anything

By Lili - 06/03/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I texted my best friend, “Good luck with your date tonight! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” She replied, "Thanks! I’ll try not to, but to be honest, that’s not saying much." I meant it as a joke, but she had no idea what I meant. It seems that I accidentally implied I’m a bad influence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 395

Watch people poop

By Anonymous - 28/07/2025 09:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I decided to fix my squeaky door by following a DIY YouTube video, because the noise was really annoying. I took the entire door off its hinges... and couldn’t get it back on. I had door-less bathroom and my roommates had many questions before actually asking if they could help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 467

Snoopy

By No way - 16/07/2025 00:00 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I liked one of my crush’s Instagram post from 2012 while stalking his profile. Despite me realising my mistake and un-liking the post, he immediately followed me back, and sent me a DM saying, “Wow, that’s some deep digging.” I’m now referred to as his "creepy stalker archaeologist of Instagram." FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 551

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in our relationship and it was great. He drove me back to my house and walked me to the door, then instead of kissing me goodbye he patted me on the back. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113 934

You deserved it 10 290

Today, I found out I have endometriosis… Which doesn't mix well with a horny boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 399

You deserved it 129

Today, I'm so afraid of Covid, I lied to my friends to avoid hanging out with them every time I was invited. Yes, I've been vaccinated already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 1 364

Today, after 4 years of being single, I decided to go back to the dating scene. I downloaded Tinder. My matches run for the hills as soon as I show them a full body pic of myself. One guy even told me to delete the app from my phone, because if “guys wanted to go whaling, they’d go out to sea.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 405

Today, I had my first hockey game after being out with a shoulder injury. I ended up cracking my tail bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 385

You deserved it 4 478

Today, I was browsing the People of Walmart site, chuckling at all the weirdos on there, when I came across a picture of my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 956

You deserved it 7 934