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Beep beep beep beep

By HateCelebz - 30/12/2025 20:00

Today, I made Christmas dinner. I live in a block of flats, and I was cooking for two hours. The smoke alarm went off after 10 minutes, but it's so high up that I couldn't reach it to turn it off, so I had to fan it off every five minutes, then five minutes later it would go off again, and so on. The neighbors complained. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 364

A lot going on

By Anonymous - 14/06/2025 06:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I threw a get together and one of my friends came. She recently lost a good friend. It made me realise how selfish I’ve been to want to end things, and I can’t imagine seeing her sob into someone else’s arms about me. I feel terrible, I love her…am I horrible? FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 425

Burger, everything burger

By HANGRYGAL - 15/09/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I went through a drive-thru and ordered enough food for three people. The cashier asked if I needed extra napkins “for the group.” I panicked and said, “Yes, for the kids in the back.” There are no kids. Just me, alone, eating like a human trash compactor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 446

Bundled

By Anonymous - 01/04/2025 20:00 - Canada

Today, I cancelled all my streaming subscriptions and signed up for a “bundle deal” to save money. Turns out the deal was just all my old subscriptions repackaged under a new name. I’m still paying the same price, but now with ads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 465

Germ warfare

By Anonymous - 28/11/2025 20:00

Today, as punishment for getting caught kissing my precious newborn grandbaby two years ago, my son and his nasty wife have barred me from even meeting my second grandbaby until she's at least two months old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 1 066

Clapback

By Anonymous - 14/06/2025 11:00 - Australia

Today, the cafe lady misnamed me Michael. I corrected her and jokingly exclaimed that Michael must be really handsome if she mistook me for him. She simply responded, “No, not really.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 403

Where are you?

By Anonymous - 19/07/2025 22:00 - Canada

Today, I set a silent alarm on my phone for 6:30 AM so I wouldn’t wake up my partner. Problem is, I forgot to turn off “Do Not Disturb” mode, so my alarm never went off. I woke up at 9:30 AM, still in pajamas, and missed a meeting with a client. I'm avoiding my manager's calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 449

Risky move

By Anonymous - 31/07/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I tried to impress a cute cop at a coffee shop by holding the door for her and saying, “You’re under arrest… for stealing my heart.” She deadpan replied, “That’s harassment, sir.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 842

Trip of a lifetime

By Just got friendzoned - 24/06/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, on a vacation with my best friend who I’m secretly in love with, I was dressed to the nines, and felt confident and upbeat about myself. Not once has he made a move on me the entire time, not even in the hotel room we both shared. At the end of the trip he told me I’m “such a great friend.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 698

Derpina

By No, I am NOT!!! - 27/02/2026 00:00

Today, in our homecoming high school reunion, the batch's "derpina" broke cardinal rule #1, "No +1", by bringing her baby, brandishing her to everyone. When it was my turn, as I held the baby, she said her first word, "Daddy" and just like back in school, everyone started to tease me with her all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 298

That's that me espresso

By Big Clive - 14/05/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I stayed late at the office to finish work and thought I was alone. I put on my headphones and started singing along to Sabrina Carpenter at full volume while filing paperwork. Halfway through, I turned around to see our cleaning staff staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 483

Oh, right

By brainrot - 14/01/2026 03:00

Today, I spent an entire conversation nodding and agreeing with someone, only to realize near the end that I'd misunderstood one key detail and was agreeing with the opposite of what they meant. I laughed awkwardly and said, “Oh, I thought you meant the other thing.” They said, “I know.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 331

Who are you?

By Anonymous - 10/05/2025 03:00 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, a kid walked in on me and my new FWB having sex at her place. I knew she had children, so I asked if it was hers. No, it was her son's. I'm boning a grandma who's not even 50. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 458

Classic

By imfucking25 - 19/02/2026 12:00

Today, I struggled to open a childproof bottle, which, by the way, had the instructions printed on the lid. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 276

Sweet kids, what happened?

By Tico - 16/02/2026 03:00

Today, I discovered my parents' first Valentine's Day "date" picture. It shows them as 8 year-olds awkwardly smiling for the camera. Mom looked like a super dork with braces and headgear, and Dad looks weirdly like a really pretty girl in boy's clothes. I asked them about it, and now they won't talk to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 290

Cool moves, dude

By Anonymous - 14/09/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I caught a falling jar in the kitchen with one hand and I felt like an action hero. In celebrating, I yelled, “Did you see that?!” The jar then slipped out of my hand, smashed onto the floor, and splattered sauce all over me. My roommate flipped me the finger and left me to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 310

Which show is it?

By Not Riverdale - 26/06/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I spoiled a TV show I've seen that a friend has started binge-watching by saying, “Episode 7 really did my head in.” His face turned from excitement to annoyance, and has vowed revenge, saying, "Great, I'm going to be anticipating episode 7 for the next few hours thanks to you, stop talking to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 450

Thanks Dad, but…

By Sad cuck - 09/10/2025 22:00

Today, my dad called in a rage, saying he caught my "cheating whore" girlfriend at a bar on a date. I had to admit to him that she and I participate in a cuckold lifestyle. The sheer disgust and disappointment in his voice has been haunting me all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 511

Keep out of it

By Melanie - 11/06/2025 12:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was in a heated argument with my partner. In the middle of it, Alexa stated, “I’m not sure about that.” We both paused. Then she added, “But it doesn’t sound healthy.” We were both so startled that we stopped arguing and just stared at the speaker like it was judging us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 467

Incel fantasy

By April - 22/02/2026 00:00

Today, I hard launched the guy I’ve been dating online. The guy who’s still mad that I friendzoned him commented, “See if he gives you rides, a shoulder to cry on, brings you food, and lets you copy assignments like I did for a year.” My now-ex dumped me and called me “heartless” for “using that poor guy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 634

Tasty treat

By Anonymous - 09/10/2025 12:00

Today, I discovered that the delicious beef jerky strips I’ve been eating all week are actually the dog’s teeth cleaning chews. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 454

Talk saucy to me

By Anonymous - 30/11/2025 20:00

Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I asked him if he was going to fuck my brains out and make me his dumb little cock sleeve. He said, "That's kind of degrading, isn't it?" Instant mood kill. Never date a man who can't talk dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 344

Authoritarian regime

By A…… - 02/04/2025 15:00 - Czechia - Prague

Today, after my husband yet again failed to complete his To-Do list, I took away his Xbox and PlayStation and told him he could have them back once the list was done. He stared at me and said, "No. You're not my mother. Give them back and we will talk like adults." FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 1 165

What's going on here?

By Kelly - 13/05/2025 09:00 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I brought my new boyfriend to dinner with my family. Everything was going smoothly until my dad asked him how long we’d been dating. My boyfriend looked at me, then said, "Uh, I think it's been… four months?" I looked horrified and said, "It's been TWO!" Now I’m wondering if we’re dating or just two confused people stuck in a situationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 562

New BFF unlocked

By Jeremy - 28/07/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I called my sister to wish her a happy birthday. I sang the Birthday song off-key but in a spirited way, before she interrupted to say, “My birthday was yesterday.” She then added, “By the way, your ex remembered, and I think we're besties now.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 524

Pair of doozies

By Anonymous - 15/03/2026 22:00

Today, God blessed me with two children: one a shiftless arsehole who is definitely going to jail one day, and a neurotic overachiever destined for either a medical degree or a loony bin, and most days I can’t decide which is the biggest pain to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 377

Don't look

By Anonymous - 23/07/2025 18:00 - United States

Today, I realized that my sense of attraction is so incredibly messed up and geeky that I found the "Rib Woman" monster in the World Of Horror game that I play fascinating. Do not look up what she looks like, you will be unhappy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 318

Sexy talk

By Anonymous - 29/12/2025 20:00

Today, after my cute girlfriend got out of the shower and was walking over to our bed. I asked, "Now that you're all clean, want to sit on my face?" To which she replied, "Ya sure, I've not gone poop yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 271

Busted

By Anonymous - 05/02/2026 09:00

Today, my door broke. My normally reclusive, antisocial cat, who runs and hides at the slightest noise, decided to come out and get friendly with the maintenance man. Now I owe a huge fee and my rent is increasing for having a pet I’m not supposed to have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 651

Grandma knows best

By Anonymous - 08/11/2025 20:00

Today, I’m beyond pissed off and downright repulsed that my daughter is still in her stupid rebellious phase. it's bad enough that she does shit herself but now she’s involving our grandchildren. She showed up to our annual gathering and my 10 year-old granddaughter had bright purple dyed hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 868

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The Top

Today, I was so lonely, I wound up talking for two hours to the creep who calls my number every Friday night and makes creepy obscene breathing noises on the other end of the phone. Turns out he's a better listener than my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 770

You deserved it 5 907

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he never seems to have his own opinion, always agrees with me, and does whatever I want. That’s when he admitted he’s scared of me and is terrified of saying or doing anything I won’t like. I have no idea what I did to scare him this badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 546

Today, I was short on money for bills, so I pulled out my alto saxophone, knowing that no matter how much I loved it, I'd be able pay my rent with the money. As I pulled it out of its case, the neck strap broke and I dropped it, breaking the bell beyond repair. Now I'm poor AND depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 708

You deserved it 3 896

Today, I invited my girlfriend over to a family lunch, planning to propose to her at just the right moment. My family was in on it, including my apparently disapproving mom, who kept causing a scene to grab my girlfriend's attention every time I went to pull out the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 890

You deserved it 2 823

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 3 years has spent a total of 2k on OnlyFans throughout our entire relationship. I thought everything was going good. I guess that's the red flag for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 316

You deserved it 240

Today, I asked my girlfriend's father for permission to take his daughter's hand in marriage. He asked me "Which one?" I said "Uh, the one I'm dating... Lisa." He belched and said, "Yeah sure, throw 'er off a cliff for all I care. Piss off, boy." So much for chivalry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 514

You deserved it 3 753