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Party time!

By Anonymous - 12/09/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I surprised my friend at their birthday party with a confetti cannon. I pulled the string, expecting colorful joy. Instead, it misfired, launched backwards and smacked me in the forehead. The confetti came out five seconds later, directly onto my dazed head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 289

Blasphemy

By Anonymous - 21/09/2025 12:00

Today, while reorganising my very extensive book collection, I found my 16th century Bible had about 15 pages glued together with what I suspect is 30 year-old raspberry jam. My son might be 36 years-old now but he’s going to get it when I see him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 371

Cycles of life

By Anonymous - 23/04/2025 15:00 - Bosnia and Herzegovina - Cazin

Today, my daughter got her first period. I'm the one shaking and hyperventilating. I'm more nervous for her than I was for myself back when I got my first period. I just now understand my mom while she was pacing through house back and forward when I got my first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 388

Don't bite off more than you can chew

By What do I do? - 09/07/2025 15:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, and for sometime, my husband and I have been discussing owning a home - a house or an apartment or other options. I've always wanted to live in a house, but I'm 100% sure I can't keep up with the chores or keep it clean. An apartment I can manage to clean, but not a house. I told him my vote is for apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 367

I'm gonna head out

By Shirlz - 22/12/2025 15:00

Today, I answered a question in a meeting that wasn’t directed at me. I spoke for way too long before realizing everyone was silent because the question had actually been rhetorical. My boss nodded slowly and moved on. No one mentioned it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 348

I hate hiking now

By Anonymous - 04/04/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I was trying to take a cute selfie on a hiking trip. As I leaned against a boulder to get the perfect shot, a squirrel jumped out of nowhere and attacked me, probably thinking I was after its food. I dropped my phone into a creek, and my friends took a picture of me freaking out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 434

Excuses, excuses

By Alison - 14/05/2025 15:00 - United States - Toledo

Today, I sent an angry email to a client who has been ghosting us for weeks. I ended it with, “Frankly, your lack of communication is unacceptable.” Five minutes later, I got an angry text message, saying, “Hi, I’m currently in the hospital recovering from surgery. I’ll respond as soon as I’m able, so take a Xanax.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 671

Prepare for trouble

By Anonymous - 27/11/2025 03:00

Today, I was walking in the street, and ahead of me was a girl with a flowing dress. It was windy and the dress lifted up, showing for a split second Pokemon underwear. Before I could stop myself, I said: "Pikachu, I see you." She turned around and slapped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 664

Bonus

By Anonymous - 18/12/2025 22:00

Today, I finally got a bonus virtual gift card in my email that was thrown in for buying a new mattress. Except I've never used a virtual gift card before, I only have the vaguest idea as to how to use it. I actually googled how to use it because I was so clueless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 249

No pain, no sleep

By Anonymous - 29/09/2025 09:00

Today, after going to the bathroom I went to bed. I have a very sturdy bookshelf that sticks halfway to the right of the door as I enter my bedroom. I had dumbly turned off the lights as I didn't want to bother with them before bed. I ended up kneeing the bookshelf, hard, now I'm wide awake and in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 267

Flirtatious mood

By Anonymous - 18/06/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I sent a guy an up-skirt shot, trying to be cute and flirty. He responded with a series of increasingly more mean emojis, including the laughing eyes, the green nausea face, and finally the poop emoji. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 360

Third wheel

By sammy - 11/01/2026 20:00

Today, and since 2026 started, my two friends began liking each other and I'm very happy for them. The problem? They get so close (literally and figuratively) that they do things that make me feel left out (both subjectively and objectively). Everyone says it's normal, but when I was in love I never did that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 279

Parasocially busted

By Anonymous - 14/09/2025 20:00

Today, I spotted a huge Twitch streamer at Whole Foods. I ran up to say hi but caught her making out with another streamer she just did a music video with… even though she’s supposedly dating someone else. She froze, I panicked, and bolted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 292

Fonzie

By Anonymous - 28/10/2025 09:00

Today, I was in a crowded elevator and tried to discreetly take a breath mint. The little tin slipped from my hands, bounced off my shoe, and scattered mints everywhere. Everyone stared as I bent over, frantically picking them up, muttering, “I swear I’m usually cool.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 305

Traditional polycule blues

By I just want a polycule!!!! - 08/03/2026 22:00

Today, I'm polyamorous. I dream of getting in those big, beautiful loving relationships you see in poly media, where everyone works to make it work. All I ever seem to meet are possessive freaks who want me all to themselves, or couples wanting a threesome. Do your reading! That's not how polyamory works! FML

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 610

Is that even legal?

By what a cruel man - 08/03/2026 03:00

Today, my rich ex-husband died, and left our two children $100 each, while leaving his other children seven figures. He said in his will that it was his "revenge" for my infidelity. Now my kids won't talk to me. How cruel can you be, holding on to a grudge and punishing your own blood for it? FML

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 793

Beep beep

By Anonymous - 23/11/2025 15:00

Today, my phone auto-connected to my car’s Bluetooth as I drove my boss to a meeting. I didn’t realize my playlist had switched to dramatic telenovela theme music at full volume. She jumped, grabbed the door handle, and asked if I was “OK, like, emotionally?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 232

Overwhelmed

By Anonymous - 23/08/2025 20:00 - Australia

Today, and ever since I got pregnant, I hate how my husband smells. I hate his perfume, his toothpaste, his body odor, everything. When I tell him, he feels offended. I just want a hygienic man to be a little less hygienic, is that too much to ask? FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 498

Spatial awareness

By Anonymous - 21/10/2025 20:00

Today, I walked up to what appeared to be an automatic door. I stood for a second, waved my arms, but nothing happened. Then a guy came from behind me, pushed a clearly visible button under a clearly visible sign that read "Push to open." He said, “It’s OK, happens to everyone.” It doesn’t feel like it does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 306

Modernish rejection

By Liarssuckk - 24/06/2025 06:00 - United States

Today, the girl who rejected me because she said she was a lesbian got Facebook official with another guy. I called her out on her lying and she replied, “Take it as a hint, now get out of my Messenger before I call the zookeeper.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 757

Lost

By Anonymous - 06/06/2025 20:00 - Canada

Today, I walked into the gym in my new workout outfit and headed straight for the weight machines. After 10 minutes, a staff member tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Sir, this is a physical therapy clinic.” The gym was next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 458

Anything for a quiet life

By Anonymous - 18/03/2026 22:00

Today, I got mad at my husband for slacking off on chores. I wanted help so we could both spend time with our daughters who were visiting. He was having a heart attack and didn't want to spoil the visit, so he kept quiet. I just got mad instead of noticing he was in pain. I'm a jerk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 501

Pushing it too far

By Anonymous - 30/04/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, I realized I might have some issues. After some amazing, satisfying rough sex, I started having incredible pain. I went to the hospital and discovered I'd asked him to beat me so hard that he'd cracked a rib. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 575

Thanks

By Anonymous - 30/08/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I tried to be nice to a cute girl at the café by holding the door open for her. I smiled, leaned on the door frame, and poured my entire cup of coffee down my leg. She still said thanks before walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 361

Guess not

By Unmerry xmas - 26/12/2025 09:00

Today, at a Christmas party, I chatted up a hot girl. She acted indifferent and uninterested so I took the hint and stopped. Moments later, another guy chats her up and they seemingly hit it off. At the end of the party, I heard her brag to her friends how they exchanged numbers. I guess I’m not good enough for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 555

Fear factor

By James - 07/01/2026 22:00

Today, I put my son on a ladder and told him to help me get down the Christmas lights to force him to face his terrible fear of heights. He cried for a good ten minutes, then started to calm himself down, just in time for my wife to run out screaming, "GET HIM OFF THAT LADDER!" Now he's even more scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 585

All dungeon, no dragon

By +1 staff of ENDLESS TALKING - 27/12/2025 00:00

Today, I went to a public tabletop RPG session, excited to finally try it out. It was full of a bunch of fucking theater kids that wanted to be friends with everything and not fight. Four interminable hours later, I finally escaped from the Chamber of Boredom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 334

Manly man

By Anonymous - 17/06/2025 14:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I realized that I don't use my brand new $200 electric razor enough to justify the cost. It works perfectly fine, I just only use it once every two weeks instead of every day like everyone else does, all because my facial hair doesn't grow thick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 284

First impressions

By Ethan - 04/12/2025 12:00

Today, my boss introduced a new hire and said, “You two will get along great.” I tried to make small talk, tripped over the recycling bin, and spilled paper everywhere. The new hire said, “So… is this, like, normal around here?” Unfortunately, yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 258

Preppers, man

By Bad at adulting - 04/12/2025 15:00

Today, I attempted meal prepping to “get my life together.” Within an hour I'd burned rice, melted a plastic spatula, and discovered I’d seasoned chicken with powdered sugar instead of salt. My smoke alarm and my stomach filed complaints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 367

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The Top

Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 429

You deserved it 6 570

Today, I walked in on a homeless guy peeing on a turd on the floor of the women's restroom at the park. I'm a janitor for the city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 357

You deserved it 2 409

Today, I dropped my physics class because I thought I bombed the 50% second midterm test. I got my results an hour after dropping online. I finished with an 83. I can't get back into the course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 297

You deserved it 64 812

Today, I realized my boyfriend makes the same noises in bed as he does when he's winning in Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 104

You deserved it 6 205

Today, I got reprimanded at work for calling off when I wasn’t sick. Apparently someone at the store saw me making online videos. What a great day to try starting my influencer brand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 1 059

Today, I learned that I've been saying a word wrong my whole life and all my friends have been too polite to correct me, when I found out that "Segue" and "Segway" are pronounced the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 192