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Suspicious minds

By Embarrassed boss - 17/09/2025 09:00

Today, I saw one of my employees sipping from a beer bottle at work. I marched to his desk, snatched the bottle, and said, "Drinking on the job? You're fired. Get out." I then looked at the bottle. It was kombucha. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 786

In my way

By Anonymous - 19/09/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I tripped over my dog while carrying groceries. As I laid on the floor surrounded by smashed eggs, spilled milk, and a bruised knee, my dog stole the bread from the bag and and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 113

Time for plan A

By Anonymous - 20/09/2025 22:00

Today, it’s my birthday. I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks in June and was not planning on having another kid. Took a Plan B pill after a rendezvous in August, but found out this AM that I’m pregnant. Guess the Plan B didn’t work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 230

I'm so tired

By Anonymous - 24/09/2025 12:00

Today, after a very long day, I needed a hotel room but the only one available was a honeymoon suite. I was so tired, I just said yes. My wife just called demanding to know why I was charging a romantic room to our joint credit card, and if I’ve got a woman with me. I just want to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 91

Congrats!

By KellyPolizi - 28/09/2025 00:00

Today, I joined the wrong Zoom link for a meeting. Instead of a marketing presentation, I landed in a virtual baby shower. People in the chat clapped when I showed up, so I just waved, panicked, and said, “It’s a girl!” before leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 353

Bent out of shape

By Anonymous - 01/10/2025 15:00

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. I thought I was joining a “Beginner Yoga” class, but it turned out to be advanced hot yoga. I lasted six minutes before falling out of a pose, knocking over two water bottles, and crawling out of the room like a wounded crab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 124

Good chat

By UBER KAREN MODE - 03/10/2025 09:00

Today, I joined what I thought was my weekly team meeting on Zoom. I launched into a rant about our broken coffee machine, which I've been asking for weeks for it to be fixed, before someone interrupted with, “Erm, this is a parent-teacher conference.” I don’t even have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 430

Always check where you're posting

By Jimbob - 08/10/2025 20:00

Today, I got a mass message on WhatsApp from my extended family about my cousin’s engagement. Trying to be funny, I replied, “Wow, can’t wait to see how long this one lasts.” I thought I was sending it to my brother. Only my brother. I sent it to the whole family group. Including my cousin. And her fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 672

Leave us alone

By Ghabbie - 10/10/2025 15:00

Today, a lady tried to call the cops on me and "child services" because she thought I'd kidnapped my white son. I'm African-American and I'd adopted him. I even showed her the adoption decree, but according to her, "You can't fool me, it's AI-generated! I know how you people work!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 66

Doofus

By Jim - 14/10/2025 03:00

Today, I went to my favorite café to order my usual iced latte. The barista smiled and said, “The usual, right?” I nodded confidently, except she wasn’t talking to me. She handed the drink to the guy behind me and said, “Thanks, babe.” He winked at her. I just paid for my drink in silence, praying for a sinkhole to open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 113

Bad time for jokes

By David04 - 15/10/2025 22:00

Today, at the dentist, I was trying to make myself comfortable while he did his thing to my teeth. While my mouth was full of tools, he asked, “So how’s your day going so far?” My reply came out as, “Mrrgh purr blobby noff nay blobby blobby.” The dentist laughed and said, “I was kidding, you’re not supposed to talk right now.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 91

Nice family you've got there

By Anonymous - 18/10/2025 12:00

Today, after years of no contact, my brother texted me for my birthday. I replied, "You and your son are doing great I hope!" I then came to find out that he hasn't seen his son in 500 days and his ex refuses to let him see his son, since she has full custody and he is back on drugs. I didn't know and was genuinely hoping for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 83

Goddamn Zoom

By Anonymous - 22/10/2025 00:00

Today, during a Zoom meeting, I thought my mic was muted. I sighed loudly and muttered, “I have no idea what this guy’s talking about.” The “guy” immediately stopped talking and said, “If you’re confused, I can repeat stuff.” Everyone stared in silence while I melted into my chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 588

Protect the planet

By Anonymous - 23/10/2025 20:00

Today, my partner told me that he will never initiate sex again, all because six months ago I got him worked up then didn’t follow through. I didn’t follow through because I got pissed at him for throwing a cigarette butt into an environmentally sensitive creek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 369

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 25/10/2025 15:00

Today, I came home in an awful mood, and grumbled to my wife that sometimes I want to strangle my boss. My wife regularly screams up and down the house over the most minor shit, but apparently this upset her so much that she took the kids to her mom's, and is demanding I get anger management. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 93

You made your bed…

By Anonymous - 27/10/2025 09:00

Today, I asked my employee, who I desperately need, who I forced into a position she explicitly stated she didn't want, if she could stop cursing out the field employees. She said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 915

Keep it

By I tried - 30/10/2025 22:00

Today, I texted my friend’s mom, asking if she could send over my hoodie that I left at their house. Except I didn’t text her, I texted my ex’s mom, who said, “You should probably stop texting me. She’s engaged now.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 345

Social media was a mistake

By Anonymous - 03/11/2025 09:00

Today, and ever since July 2009, when someone from high school harassed me by being the first one to write on my Facebook profile, "You need to change your profile photo", I've been dealing with Facebook drama that's caused me mental illness for the past 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 490

Charming dude

By HittingDaGymNow - 05/11/2025 03:00

Today, my now-ex boyfriend said that his dream girl has big breasts. When I pointed out that I have big breasts, he told me that, “But you’re plus-sized, that don’t count. I’m talking 'bout girls with hourglass figures, not big back bitches.” Nice to know that’s how he felt about me this whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 161

Serious business

By Anonymous - 06/11/2025 22:00

Today, I showed up for a Tinder date. I sat there for 45 minutes, waiting. Finally, I messaged her to ask if she was coming. She replied, “Oh no, I wasn’t serious. You just seemed polite. I didn’t think you’d actually show up.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 63

Stand your ground

By No justice anywhere - 26/11/2025 12:00

Today, some guy tried to mug me. Shocked, I threw a punch that somehow knocked him on his ass. I'm now staring down the barrel of a lawsuit since he was apparently only 16 and "acting out" because of his shitty home life, as if I should have just handed him my wallet politely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 64

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - 30/11/2025 00:00

Today, I got off my night shift late, slept for two hours, then went volunteering - playing piano in the atrium. I was sitting on no sleep so I started messing up a lot, then a patient started giving me death stares. I took my eyes off him, then looked at him again and he fell to the ground. Was the song that bad? FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 94

Risky business

By Bruisebutt - 01/12/2025 20:00

Today, after my husband whipped my ass with a belt the night before (consensual S&M sex, not abuse), I had to go to work and sit on a hard metal chair for eight hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 383

You made me realise

By Anonymous - 03/12/2025 15:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were together for 10 months when he told me I’m the only person he’s ever been with who’s made him feel safe and able to be vulnerable and open up for the first time… and made him realise he has trauma to work through. He then dumped me on the spot so he could work through it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 70

Moving on

By Airos4 - 05/12/2025 09:00

Today, my ex-wife got engaged to the guy who she started dating two weeks into our six month "trial separation." I can't even get a date.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 114

Dad of the week

By Fuck u brian - 07/12/2025 03:00

Today, I picked up my son, who was recently diagnosed with ARFID (avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder), from my ex-husband. My ex said, "Yeah, he's over that bullshit eating thing. I told him no video games or TV unless he tried something new at every meal." I hate this smug fucking prick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 629

Give us both pain meds, please

By It hurts - 08/12/2025 22:00

Today, I took my dog to the vet. Wanting to seem like a responsible owner, I lifted him onto the exam table. My back then cracked loudly, I dropped him, and he ran straight into a trash can. The vet sighed and asked, “Rough day for both of you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 109

No biggie

By Anonymous - 12/12/2025 12:00

Today, on a flight, a woman in a crop top reached up to get her bag from the overhead locker and her breasts ended up on top of my head for like a second. Total accident, no biggie. That was six days ago, we fly home tomorrow, and my wife hasn’t spoken a word to me since the breast thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 90

Pure class

By Lisandra - 16/12/2025 00:00

Today, I confronted my boyfriend about his infidelity. I saw him at the mall with another woman at Victoria's Secret, and I took pictures from a distance. When I asked him why he did it, he told me, "If you have $20 to your name and you see a $100 bill on the ground, you're gonna pick it up, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 98

TGIF

By Anonymous - 19/12/2025 15:00

Today, bored to death, I tried to quietly leave a meeting early. The chair screeched loudly as I stood, and my badge fell off and skidded across the floor. Everyone stopped talking to watch me retrieve it before I awkwardly sat back down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 378

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my dear wife, an expert seamstress, took apart one shoulder of my favourite vest, looping the whole shirt through itself like a figure of eight, then stitched it back up. It took me over a full minute to realise why I suddenly couldn’t fold it flat, and she recorded me failing at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 146

Today, after constantly shaming me for my ADHD and anti-anxiety pills, my family finally convinced me to drop $250 on their trusted psychiatrist friend because they thought he’d talk me out of taking them. He recommended higher doses of everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 703

You deserved it 192

Today, my boss discovered that I'm prone to random fainting, due to hypoglycemia. He has now nicknamed me "Fainting Goat" and makes relentless bleating noises every time he sees me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 214

You deserved it 3 133

Today, during a job interview, I was asked to describe myself in three words. My mind went blank, so I panicked and blurted out, “Hungry, sleepy and… flexible?” The interviewer raised an eyebrow and said, “That's not the worst answer I've ever gotten but… come on.” I didn’t get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 179

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 664

You deserved it 2 617

Today, I got in an argument with my wife. I told her that I feel like she immediately disagrees with anything I say. She immediately disagreed and said she never does that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 939

You deserved it 720