The Top

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2017 06:00

Today, I had a few drinks with a female friend after having a bad week. I got so wasted that I wound up ending the night by giving my boyfriend a rimjob. He thoroughly enjoyed it and thinks it's going to be a regular thing now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 594

You deserved it 7 195

By sheyo - 05/03/2009 01:13 - Canada

Today, I went to the movies with some girlfriends. The guy behind us was making these pervy, heavy breathing noises, so we threw some popcorn at him. When the movie finished, we saw him in a wheelchair - with a breathing tube sticking out of his neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 517

You deserved it 315 223

Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes

By Anonymous - 09/02/2017 15:00 - United States - Stevenson Ranch

Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 779

You deserved it 12 106

By Brett - 03/04/2017 22:00

Today, Club Penguin finally shut down. I then got a call from one of my employees, who said that he needed to take a day off from work to, "emotionally deal with the issue." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 125

You deserved it 425

By for my brother in law - 27/07/2016 07:10 - United States - Oxnard

Today, I sent a love message to my wife asking if she was horny. Minutes later, I realized that I sent it to my mother in law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 885

You deserved it 6 786

By jess - 24/12/2018 04:00

Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 275

You deserved it 336

What's that sound?

By Ihavethickthighs - 07/09/2017 16:00

Today, and for the past week, my boyfriend joined me on my walks. He's recently gotten into photography and is now intent on tracking down a rare bird that he never sees but always hears. I don't have the heart to tell him that it's the sound of my thighs rubbing together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 639

You deserved it 591

By TheLostCauseFML - 31/12/2017 08:00 - United States - Quitman

Today, I'm so broke that I had a money nightmare. I'd accidentally purchased a single potato for exactly $22 and it was non-refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 714

You deserved it 468

By kclopez - 19/08/2017 23:15

Today, while going through customs at the airport, my bag was selected for screening. It was nearly overflowing because it was so full, so before the TSA agent searched it, I said, "Watch out - it's going to explode when you open it". Wrong choice of words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 379

You deserved it 4 860

Oops.

By Anonymous - 18/11/2017 01:30

Today, within 24 hours at my new security job, I accidentally tasered the head of security in the groin, causing him to piss himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 886

You deserved it 1 130

By Acu7519 - 16/04/2018 15:00

Today, at my job as a 2nd grade teacher, I was explaining to my students how I'm pregnant and will have to take a break from teaching after I have my baby. One of my students replied with "Ooooooooohhh Ms. Johnson had sex!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 219

You deserved it 855

By Hairball - 01/09/2009 18:05 - United States

Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 466

You deserved it 405 038

By LennyComa - 19/03/2017 00:00

Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 602

You deserved it 943

By Anonymous - 13/03/2018 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally received counselling for my horrible and irrational fear of abandonment. After sitting in the waiting room for two hours, I got a phone call from my therapist. She'd forgotten I was there and gone for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 720

You deserved it 290

By Rob - 07/11/2018 03:00

Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 901

You deserved it 404

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 349

You deserved it 2 780

By Anon - 23/07/2017 05:00

Today, I went camping. The night was calm and quiet, so we went to our separate tents to sleep. I closed my eyes, listening to the distant waves and my father playing porn in the tent beside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 193

You deserved it 480

By thankskimi - 15/03/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568 336

You deserved it 40 598

Shady stuff

By NoDocVisit - 27/07/2016 02:27 - United States - Parrish

Today, I found out why my husband doesn't want me to go to the doctor. It's not because of the reasonable copay. It's because he has let 3 other women use my insurance to give birth, in the last 4 years. They are all his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 191

You deserved it 1 133

By Jenny - 28/12/2017 15:30 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I discovered the importance of having sex before marriage. We found out that my husband is gay on our wedding night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 965

You deserved it 1 671

White lie

By Sorrymom - 11/08/2017 01:30

Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 493

You deserved it 928

Douchebag Alert!

By amy - 02/04/2018 09:00 - United States

Today, my brother bragged about the number of break-up texts he sent this week while driving. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he was dating 3 girls, that he broke up with them over text, that he was texting and driving, or that he's proud of his actions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 704

You deserved it 307

By Anonymous - 19/04/2018 19:15

Today, while getting my teeth cleaned, the dentist’s boobs kept hitting me. Normally I wouldn’t care, but she’s a new mother. There was milk on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 073

You deserved it 496

Abby Gut tells us more.

Abby Gut 25

Friday 6 April 2018 6:32

Considering I’m a teenage girl, yes I am complaining

By ch,nlv - 14/05/2018 01:30

Today, my husband and I did artificial insemination. At the hospital, they mixed up the sperm and didn't realize until it was too late. I'm now pregnant with a stranger's baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 462

You deserved it 408

By job hunter - 18/05/2017 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, I interviewed for my dream job. Everything was going great until the interviewer asked, "So, what's your least favorite race?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 576

You deserved it 337

By Anonymous - 05/11/2017 15:00

Today, my husband accused me of cheating on him and demanded to look through my phone. When he found nothing, he admitted to having his first gay experience this weekend and just wanting something to “even the field” before telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 539

You deserved it 438

By ninja breakup? - 11/10/2018 14:00

Today, my boyfriend of six years came home wearing a ninja suit. When I asked why, he said "These are my breakup clothes. I'm breaking up with you." He then screamed, threw a plastic shuriken at me and ran away. It hit me in the breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 640

You deserved it 360

By Nessa - 10/05/2017 15:00 - United States - Pomona

Today, my mom got out a camcorder she's had a while, saying that there were tapes of me from when I was a child. The first tape I put in was a porno starring her and her ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 730

You deserved it 562

A Lose-Lose Situation

By you can't win - 10/07/2017 21:00

Today, after months of being called paranoid, distrusting and over-possessive by my girlfriend for being suspicious of her, I learned that she really is cheating on me with her coworker. When confronted, she called me ignorant, gullible and naive for believing her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 516

You deserved it 436

Hidden secret

By anonymous - 01/10/2016 09:00 - Australia - Tennyson

Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 325

You deserved it 2 157

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The Top

Today, my family, including my 2 year old niece, went to the zoo. We were at the lion exhibit. I was holding my niece so she could get a better view of the lions. As I was holding her, the lions started to roar. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn't very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 413

You deserved it 4 704

Today, as I was washing the dishes, I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg. I kicked at it with my foot only to realize that I had just kicked my adopted puppy in the face. Now, whenever I come into a room, he runs to the corner and pees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 975

You deserved it 92 192

Today, I seized at the bottom of the stairs and broke a rib. I don't have enough money to pay the bill. I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 63

Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 683

You deserved it 4 714

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to give her my phone's passcode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 188

Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 097

You deserved it 3 315