The Top

Hello all ... I've just seen the comments on this ... There were quite a few comments assuming that since I fished out a 2 buck coin from a dunny, that I'd be an unemployed dole bludger. I've never been on any sort of welfare. The previous comment of Sydney being a very expensive city to live in was correct. I don't earn that much, generally between $700-$1100 a week, depending on how busy work is, but I've never been a 'dole bludger', I work very hard, thank you very much.

You OK, hun?

By seizuregirl17 - 19/11/2013 15:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I had a seizure in class. Being an epileptic, I had warned my professor of the possibility that I could have one in class. She was understanding and seemed very concerned about my issue at the time. After I had the seizure, however, she asked me if I had ever tried exorcism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 545

You deserved it 2 911

Bad friends

By Anonymous - 18/11/2019 03:00

Today, I was hanging with my friends when out of the blue, I got thirsty. Friends said there was Gatorade in the fridge. Being the trusting person I am, I took a drink, only to discover it was piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 535

You deserved it 310

By Brett meek - 19/02/2010 07:41 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with a girl. While we were fooling around, she started squeezing my cheeks and told me I remind her of her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 643

You deserved it 3 648

Great timing

By mylo - 03/12/2022 22:00

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to spice things up and do 69. My mom walked in on us right as we came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 575

By jack s.b. - 14/11/2013 22:15 - United States - Austin

Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 124

You deserved it 16 453

Freakout time

By cricketeer - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as my son carried the cage with live food for his pet lizards up the stairs, I heard the sound of 2,500 baby crickets escaping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 088

You deserved it 6 679

By Clare - 21/02/2011 23:15 - Canada

Today, I desperately tried to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't talk about the Bible during sex. He honestly doesn't understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 882

You deserved it 7 611

Give us a cig, mate

By Jbs4lf - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Belgium

Today, I got punched in the face by a drunk dude because I wouldn't give him any cigarettes. I don't smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 067

You deserved it 2 772

Wrong question

By Anonymous - 01/08/2009 14:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked, "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently, I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 657

You deserved it 48 887

Sips unsee juice

By Facepalm2020 - 21/06/2020 23:01

Today, my mom asked me what twerking was. When I said that it was a club dance, trying to get out of telling her what it actually was, she begged me to teach her how to do it. My mom complained to my dad, who grounded me for not teaching her to twerk her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 354

By jobsearching - 21/11/2012 20:43 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I ran into my boss outside of work. She smiled, and started trying to have an in-depth chat with me. I wouldn't have minded, if it weren't for the fact I ran into her at a club, whilst they were having a BDSM theme night. And we were both fully dressed up for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 796

You deserved it 4 692

By Stressy - 12/02/2010 11:39 - United Kingdom

Today, in my psychology class, we were given a sheet that had a list of stressful events and we were to select the ones we had experienced in the last 12 months. I got highest in my class of above an 80% chance of getting a life threatening illness due to stress. Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 445

You deserved it 3 228

By abbacjt - 16/01/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I sent my sister a text about how fat I was becoming and looking as disgusting as my ex-husband. When I checked to see if she had received it I saw that I had accidentally sent it to my ex-father in law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 780

You deserved it 26 751

By susan - 17/11/2012 22:31 - United States - Naperville

Today, my daughter had a meltdown when I told her I donated some of her old toys to Goodwill. It turns out Toy Story has taught her that toys have feelings and that she has a meaningful relationship with them. She's in her teens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 928

You deserved it 27 177

Casual patriarchy

By Anonymous - 31/12/2022 18:00

Today, my husband more or less said to our daughter, "I just met an old friend, he has a son you should marry because my old friend is really rich.” It’s been an hour and he’s cowering in his chair because our daughter is still yelling at him, and it serves him right, but now I have a headache from the noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 264

Shifty

By Zkroger - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a year denied in front of everyone that we ever dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 698

You deserved it 5 135

By Med - 13/11/2012 12:02 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 819

You deserved it 2 984

Mid-life crisis guys

By Choppedliver - 13/01/2023 14:00

Today, my husband is divorcing me, leaving our 4 children behind because, and I quote, “She’s 22, 5’3 with perky tits and ass, you don’t find women like these often.” I asked him three times if he was serious. He said, “As serious as a heart attack.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 729

You deserved it 257

Wedding fatigue

By takeiteasy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my wife and I went to a wedding. At one in the morning, when the cheese was being served, we were starting to fall asleep at the table, so we went to our car to take a short nap. When we woke up it was 5 a.m., and the party was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 804

You deserved it 34 976

Ban appeals time

By Anonymous - 06/01/2023 00:00 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was playing my favorite online game when I had to use the bathroom. While I was away for five minutes, my little sister went on my laptop, typed the “N-word” in chat, and got me banned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 468

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I had to stand in line for twenty minutes at the bank, in between two of my ex-boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 509

You deserved it 11 394

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened, I slipped and fell in the shower, and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered, "Well, she's masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 197

You deserved it 3 352

Today, my new iPhone was stolen from my school locker. After canceling my service, sobbing, having my mom yell at the secretary for their lack of security and finally agreeing to change to a private school, I found it in the corner of my locker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 061

You deserved it 81 325

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by sending me flowers that said, "I just need some space, forever. I hope I never see you again, even if you were a great person. It's not you it's me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 627

You deserved it 895

Today, my boss - AKA Satan - told me I'd better watch out, because I'm now top on his list of people to lay off next time the company downsizes. All I did was give a report to the board admitting that our sales are down this year. He blames me for making him look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 913

You deserved it 3 784

Today, none of my 500 Facebook friends responded to my status about "Who wants to hang out during summer holidays?" I created an imaginary person on a different account to respond and ask me to hang out with him. I had a conversation on my status, with myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 027

You deserved it 46 435