The Top

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Bushy

By bluedevil26 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got my eyebrows waxed for the first time in a few months. Once she finished, she handed me the mirror and asked, "How does it feel to look human again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 134

You deserved it 12 776

By Username - 04/05/2011 03:24

Today, I can't attend an interview for a great job because I have an exam. An exam I need to pass in order to have a great job like the one I'm missing the interview for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 273

You deserved it 4 120

By fittingroompotty - 02/03/2009 13:38 - United States

Today, the fitting room of the store I worked in smelled really bad. The customers started to complain and since I was on fitting room duty I went to go investigate. A middle aged woman pooped on the floor and then put the chair on top to cover it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 628

You deserved it 5 001

Oh no

By norina - 11/02/2014 10:01 - France - Paris

Today, at the bank where I work, I escorted a very short woman to her safe deposit box in the vault. I left her alone, knowing she could use the phone to call the reception when she was ready to leave. We later realised the phone was too high for her to reach. If glares could kill… FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 944

You deserved it 7 310

That's more than I asked for

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while my teacher was helping me with a problem, the gum he was chewing fell from his mouth and down my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 611

You deserved it 4 828

By Anonymous - 05/09/2009 02:43 - United States

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend in my dorm room. My roommate came in, despite the signal I had up on the door. She didn't leave. She got on her computer and started playing Solitaire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 074

You deserved it 5 706

By heartbrokenhaley - 23/01/2014 20:57 - United States - Brockton

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years told me that since I've proven my loyalty and faithfully stuck by his side, he has no reason to ever consider marrying me, because "It's not like you're going anywhere, honey." He seems not to understand why I am upset by this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 729

You deserved it 5 594

By dummy - 17/02/2012 00:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 757

You deserved it 5 672

By sickmom - 21/01/2014 11:07 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 644

You deserved it 5 528

By rejected4ever - 14/02/2012 18:29 - United States

Today, for Valentine's Day, my boyfriend gave me the half-eaten chocolate bar that I left in his fridge two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 596

You deserved it 4 205

By bumpyroad - 17/04/2011 14:29 - Australia

Today, my husband and I were diagnosed with herpes. We've been together for five years and were both virgins before. Even the doctor couldn't give any other explanation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 595

You deserved it 7 657

Ouroboros

By TheSuregeon - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I applied for my job, while working at my job. I hope they hire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 431

You deserved it 6 016

By Kid - 17/03/2010 09:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I bullied a kid at school, just so someone would talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 055

You deserved it 80 409

PROOF!

By Busted - 16/03/2010 18:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend since I believed him to be cheating on me with another woman, something he adamantly denied. I went to his house to get all my stuff back. After I left, I discovered a silk thong that definitely did not belong to me, in amongst my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 579

You deserved it 4 681

By bird - 08/01/2014 20:27 - United States - Fort Gratiot

Today, I learned that my new parakeet hates her reflection, and will screech loudly day and night unless I take the mirror out. My other parakeet loves the mirror and constantly cries out when I remove it. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 688

You deserved it 6 160

By girlmeetsworld - 18/02/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 152

You deserved it 13 667

By Anonymous - 14/01/2013 05:52 - United States - Seattle

Today, while making dinner I cut my finger badly with a knife. When I yelled for my dad to drive me to the hospital, he accused me of lying to get attention. He had to taste my blood before he decided it wasn't red-colored corn syrup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 952

You deserved it 3 495

By failure - 08/04/2011 05:24

Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 754

You deserved it 81 016

By Ugggghhh - 29/05/2018 20:41

Today, I was that person in the pharmacy that held the line up for 25 minutes. When I got home, I realized I left my prescriptions in the shopping cart in the store's parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 780

You deserved it 1 909

With any luck, it'll be canceled

By Anonymous - 06/04/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my friends finally scheduled their wedding. The entire friend group of the groom, which I am part of, is in the wedding. Except me. If I go I’ll have to watch my boyfriend, who is a groomsman, walk down the aisle with one of the bride’s friends on his arm while I sit alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 944

You deserved it 734

By lonelyboy101 - 27/08/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, I was at a club with my girlfriend of a year. A guy starts hitting on her while I'm sitting right next to her. He then asks her to go back to his place for some fun, so I start laughing thinking that there is no chance she would even consider this. I walked home alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 934

You deserved it 8 632

Isn't that illegal?

By Ryan Engle - 29/07/2021 02:01

Today, my neighbor, who has 4 video cameras pointed at the front of my house, got a drone that’s now hovering over my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 79

Hey!

By wtf dad - 10/01/2013 03:15 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I learned who my dad's new fiancée is. Upon meeting her she exclaimed, "My, I haven't seen you in a while!" She's my ex-boyfriend's mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 468

You deserved it 3 324

By Bruce - 02/02/2012 03:11 - United States

Today, my son learned that when you slide a mug across the kitchen table, it doesn't stop where you expect it to like in the old cartoons. I then learned what it feels like to have a full mug of hot chocolate spilled onto my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 526

You deserved it 3 431

Stuck in the past

By Anonymous - 05/04/2020 05:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend still writes Twilight fan fiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 418

Quick, hide!

By Mattyboy - 24/08/2009 09:57 - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house. When things started heating up, I heard the front door open and my girlfriend said that it must be her Dad. She handed me my clothes, pushed me out the window, and told me to knock at the front door. Her Dad answered, holding my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 997

You deserved it 18 683

Are you lonesome tonight?

By Noname - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my two best friends decided to boycott Valentine's Day, ditching their boyfriends to hang out together. Not only am I single, but I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 790

You deserved it 2 702

Bad sign(s)

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 19:10 - United States

Today, my girlfriend started a month-long period of not talking to me. One of her male friends, who is a self-styled astrologist, told her there are "bad omens" in our relationship for the coming weeks. I don't know if I should dump her for being gullible or just plain stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 448

You deserved it 3 779

Double-crossed

By Anonymous - 13/04/2020 20:00

Today, I found out my husband wasn’t really “working from home” in the evenings. He locks himself in his office until the late hours of the night, having intimate Skype sessions with his coworker. That explains why our joint bank account hasn’t seen a direct deposit this past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 972

You deserved it 199

Everyone's an expert

By yaa - 17/04/2020 17:00

Today, my sister's husband, who's never even been to college let alone medical school, told me that my cancer is not hereditary, despite a deep family history. He instead swears it's due to my "poor lifestyle and eating habits." Mind you, he's a 300 lbs, fall-down drunk with multiple DUIs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 109

You deserved it 180

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The Top

Today, my school handed out the new yearbook. I was so excited to be on the cover page in a group shot with all my friends until I realized that I was having a boner at the time the pic was taken. These books go out to the whole school. Everyone noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 354

You deserved it 20 631

Today, I moved into my new apartment. I was feeling really excited until my new neighbor knocked on my door and left me what looks like rabbit ears on my welcome mat. He just stared at me expectantly as though I should be thankful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 180

You deserved it 1 877

Today, my girlfriend and I were on the phone. She heard I was out of breath and asked me, "Are you okay?" I didn't have the heart to tell her that she'd caught me masturbating, and I'm so out of shape it sounded like I'd ran a marathon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 1 701

Today, three different strangers stopped me on the street and asked if I was Brad Pitt. Either there's some kind of conspiracy going on, or I'm the world's ugliest woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 500

You deserved it 5 520

Today, I was working at Old Navy. A girl came up to me and did a bizarre dance. Not knowing how to react, I imitated her to be friendly with the customer. Then she stopped cold. Her friend stormed up to me and yelled, "You jerk! Why are you making fun of her? She has Tourette's, you know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 469

You deserved it 41 065

Today, and ever since my wife has gone onto birth control pills for her endometriosis, her time of the month now lasts for three weeks each month out of the four, and on the fourth week she gets pains and doesn't feel like sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 233