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I'm in second year of uni, and it was a nap i took to psyche myself up for starting the next essay I have to submit by Monday :P so yeah stress is the word!

By Noname - 14/03/2009 01:06 - United States

Today, after taping 5-year-olds do a skit at an improv camp, I used the camera's view-finder to zoom in on a female co-worker's chest. Another female co-worker tapped me on the shoulder to show that the TV was still connected to the camera. Parents, kids, and instructors all witnessed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 192

You deserved it 138 516

By Laura - 20/03/2012 22:27 - United Kingdom - Girvan

Today, I was at a concert and a man came up behind and started to grind me. I pushed him away. He came back and pissed on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 858

You deserved it 3 702

Fishing

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 18:00

Today, I was looking at my boyfriend's rarely-used Facebook page as he was next to me. Last time he was online over a year ago, he had something up that said, "Still looking for that perfect girl." I jokingly said he should update it. He responded, "Why? It's still true." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 813

You deserved it 361

By Shleebs - 19/03/2012 19:20 - United States - Hamilton

Today, I asked my mom if she could buy me some anti-nausea medicine. She said, "You just have a stomach ache. It's not like you're throwing up." As she said it, I threw up everything but my childhood memories. She still wouldn't get any medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 619

You deserved it 2 330

Shleebs tells us more.

Shleebs 12

Tuesday 20 March 2012 1:03

I actually threw up in her room and in her bathroom. She had to clean it up. I think justice was served.

By Alli.M - 18/03/2012 11:06 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I got a migraine. I work in an arcade with lots of bright lights, loud noises and screaming children. I was stuck in there for 7 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 439

You deserved it 3 227

Yeet the feet

By SalonGirl - 10/03/2009 11:55 - United States

Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 113 653

You deserved it 7 293

Look-alikes

By Anonymous - 24/10/2019 12:00

Today, the guy I really like told me that I look exactly like Kathy Bates. I'm only 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 383

You deserved it 217

So close…

By fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU - 03/03/2014 22:35 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 408

You deserved it 9 644

By omgstuupidd - 17/02/2013 14:27 - United States - Brewster

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to take a jog in an area we never been before. We then got lost. She actually thought that the tattoo on her arm of an open compass with north, east, south, and west would help us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 507

You deserved it 6 318

By SadDad - 06/03/2009 01:51 - United States

Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 341

You deserved it 4 363

By staceyymaee - 06/07/2016 17:47 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my new futon mattress arrived. Upon laying it out on the frame, I realized IKEA has whack bed sizings. When I went to return the mattress for a queen, they informed me a queen mattress wouldn't be here until sometime next week. I already threw out my old crappy mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 964

You deserved it 2 580

Keep it to yourself

By Anonymous - 18/02/2014 16:31 - United States

Today, while waiting in line at a store, a toddler behind me was throwing a major meltdown while his father yelled at him, giving me a migraine. I turned to the woman behind me and said, "Can you believe this kid? I feel sorry for his mother." Turns out the woman was his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 123

You deserved it 46 699

Deception

By Anonymous - 12/09/2009 16:21 - United States

Today, I threw an elaborate surprise birthday party for my boyfriend of four years. He thought we were going to a quiet dinner but when we arrived, thirty of his friends jumped out and surprised him. Instead of kissing me to thank me, he broke up with me because of how easily I had lied to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 757

You deserved it 4 765

By BabyDaddy - 30/05/2010 08:05 - Australia

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of five months is pregnant. Apparently, she stopped taking her pill two months ago because "we" wanted a baby. I don't recall ever having that discussion with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 767

You deserved it 9 813

By ouchh - 11/09/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 963

You deserved it 7 336

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 163

You deserved it 4 867

By afraidtoburn - 26/02/2012 04:18 - Canada

Today, I discovered that during fire drills, my school lines everyone up next to some extremely flammable and explosive propane tanks. If we ever have a real fire, we will all die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 398

You deserved it 2 595

Smells like strip spirit

By m…… - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, we went to the mall and my husband picked me out some perfume. When I asked him why he liked that particular one, he responded with, "That's what's the stripper at my bachelor party was wearing." He was completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 137

You deserved it 4 312

Revelation

By Anonymous - 12/01/2020 18:00

Today, my Dad sat me down and told me that I was adopted. I was unbelievably shocked by this revelation and asked him why he'd never told me this before. His response was, "I didn't know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 346

You deserved it 193

Double betrayal

By Mac - 13/09/2022 09:30

Today, I learned my wife has a lover. He's more handsome than me, and bigger than me. I might've been OK with it if he wasn't my daughter's boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 930

You deserved it 216

By jenni6488 - 22/02/2012 07:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I called the toaster a "cheeky thing" for being done before the kettle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 512

You deserved it 23 314

He is worried

By Anonymous - 08/02/2020 01:00

Today, my husband asked with genuine concern if I would be able to breast feed our kids when they are born, since my boobs are so small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 138

You deserved it 260

By ohfuckwaffles - 29/01/2013 05:28 - United States - Bremerton

Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I learned that I look amazing in a little black dress. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 670

You deserved it 23 438

ohfuckwaffles tells us more.

ohfuckwaffles 6

Wednesday 30 January 2013 4:58

OP here. Thanks for the support, everyone - I have told her, and, while she's definitely not into it, at least she doesn't plan to leave me over it. To those of you wondering whether I'm a transvestite, a crossdresser, a transexual, or transgendered - there are waaay too many of these names, and it's confusing. How about I explain it this way: I'm a girl on the inside, and I'm still attracted to girls (a lesbian, perhaps?). I don't mind my body, and I don't mind wearing men's clothes (heck, it's what I grew up with), but I'd like to see what more is out there... I've been hiding it and ignoring it and thinking I'm wrong for a long time, but my control is obviously slipping.