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Lockdown is driving us down

By I tried - 09/04/2020 17:00

Today, my husband went on a tirade, accusing me of bullying and being too hard on our kids. Apparently, I’m taking this homeschool thing too serious, and I need to cut them a break. All I did was make them write their letters and numbers on paper instead of just using their tablets. Yeah, real mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 104

You deserved it 192

Sinning is winning

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 18:01

Spicy

Today, I came home early from work and walked in on my husband in bed with his two young female "bible study students" from his church. Now I remember why he explicitly said to never interrupt his, "Sunday School Studies" with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 708

You deserved it 128

You've got mail (or not)

By nomail - 26/05/2016 19:55 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, the management office of my apartment building announced it will be keeping packages in the office until you can pick them up. They also posted new hours. There will be someone in the office once a week, for two hours only. I work those two hours, every single week. No more mail for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 710

You deserved it 881

By NotThatKind - 24/08/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 635

You deserved it 42 433

By Boltz719 - 23/08/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was at my grandfather's house and my car was low on gas. He said I could put some of his gas in my car. He accidentally gave me the wrong tank to pump it out of, and I put fuel in my car that he uses for his small plane. It never ran better until the engine exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 585

You deserved it 3 883

Hungry eyes

By choldcreations - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was eating pizza with my girlfriend. She got sauce on the corner of her mouth so I tried to be sexy and lick it off. It wasn't sauce, it was a cluster of zits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 476

You deserved it 42 070

By oh why... - 20/12/2013 14:51 - United States

Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 481

You deserved it 4 496

By Anonymous - 31/12/2012 15:44 - Canada - Sydney

Today, while buying paint, I began to help an elderly woman working to lift some heavy boxes. She told me what a nice young lady I was. Then her boss came over, screamed at her for being lazy and fired her. She cried. So did I. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 610

You deserved it 3 326

By Anonymous - 24/01/2012 20:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, I didn't have plans on shaving my pubic hair. My girlfriend's braces thought otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 720

You deserved it 40 159

By heya - 24/12/2012 10:09 - Australia - Sydney

Today, whilst at my new step-dad's Christmas lunch, my mother spiked my drink so that I would look worse than her in front of her new mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 445

You deserved it 2 553

Surprise

By iamnotfat - 06/02/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, "Just this fat chick I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 833

You deserved it 4 505

Burn

By Swedishsummer - 08/05/2016 21:54 - Sweden - Floda

Today, we finally got some signs of summer in Sweden and I went to hang out in the sun with some friends. I was wearing sunglasses so I only put sunscreen on my nose and forehead. I now have a dick-shaped area in my face where I didn't completely burn my face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 352

You deserved it 5 568

By involuntary waxing - 15/01/2012 09:00 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I started a new medication, not paying much notice to the one side effect: "unusual vaginal secretions". They're unusual alright, they glued my underwear to my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 129

You deserved it 4 326

Screwed

By prince232 - 04/05/2016 04:34 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after having a second interview with a club I want to work for, the interviewer ignored my work references. Instead, he told me he was going to call the only manager I never got along with, for reference in a job I left 5 years ago, because he knows her personally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 169

You deserved it 1 178

By Ashley - 03/05/2016 04:25 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I found out why my boyfriend of 5 years won't propose/marry me. He would rather wait for his estranged wife to meet someone, fall in love, decide to get married, and do the filing herself. He doesn't want to pay the couple of hundred dollars for the uncontested divorce filing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 848

You deserved it 2 286

By fourfootnine - 07/03/2011 13:47 - United States

Today, I discovered that I'm short enough to be legally considered a midget. My daughter now wants to bring me to school for show and tell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 745

You deserved it 4 396

By anonymous - 01/02/2009 10:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, I slept with this new guy for the first time. After sex, he said the doggie style position was fun, it made him wonder what it would be like to rape a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 245

You deserved it 6 331

Cue Rockwell

By liLbob6598 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I received a string of blank texts from an unknown number. When I asked who it was, I got a list of every place I've been over the last three days. I'm scared to leave the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 764

You deserved it 2 714

Tense

By Anonymous - 23/05/2020 17:00

Today, my dad happened to mention he proposed to his girlfriend, who I had no idea he was dating. Turns out it's one of my old high school teachers, specifically the bitch who hated me as much as I hated her. My dad is so oblivious, he has no idea WWIII is about to start in our living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 321

You deserved it 258

By jazopalchris - 25/11/2013 23:42 - Australia - Mount Gambier

Spicy

Today, my 7 year old daughter explained to a taxi driver that she was born from my "vagina that doesn't have hair". He winked creepily at me and said, "I bet it doesn't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 055

You deserved it 5 850

Coming soon…

By bieberslayer - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, in my AP Biology class, a student informed us she'd read that Antarctica had completely melted due to global warming, to which my friend gushed, "Yeah! It's been melted for, like, months." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 546

You deserved it 2 292

Creepy

By jeeperspeepers - 02/08/2009 22:03 - United States

Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 140

You deserved it 133 004

By Preggobride - 14/08/2018 23:35

Today, I am 7 weeks pregnant and dealing with severe morning sickness. Not to worry though, it should get better at 14 weeks, right after I get back from my honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 943

You deserved it 703

Whoops

By Anonymous - 12/04/2016 02:38 - United States - Glen Ellyn

Today, an old friend of mine texted me, saying we should hang out. I thought it was really sweet and was excited to see her again, until she realized that she was texting the wrong person, and canceled our plans immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 621

You deserved it 1 345

Double-edged sword

By Janitoro - 23/11/2012 01:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 447

You deserved it 9 226

Baller

By Anonymous - 26/06/2020 17:00

Today, my popular friend stole another girl's boyfriend. She didn't keep him very long, though. In fact, she only kept him until I finally got together with my crush. Then she decided she had to have HIM. She succeeded, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 993

You deserved it 201

By LittleGina - 04/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Benson

Today, a woman was standing in front of me in line. There was a strand of hair on her back, so to be nice, I pulled it off her. It was still attached to her head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 563

You deserved it 7 828

By kinkicali - 20/11/2012 08:43 - United States - Maple Valley

Spicy

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 516

You deserved it 36 557

Get back here!

By Anonymous - 12/02/2010 07:51 - Canada

Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 186

You deserved it 2 773

By fmlatmovies - 25/07/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I was at the movies. All of a sudden, the woman next to me starts laughing uncontrollably and talking to her friend during the movie. This continued throughout the movie, ruining it. I turned and whispered to my friend. The woman then taps me on the shoulder and yells, "Shut the fuck up!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 682

You deserved it 4 770

fmlatmovies tells us more.

fmlatmovies 0

Saturday 25 July 2009 23:31

actually all you haters out there, i didn't have enough room to put my response! i actually turned to her and told her to **** off and to take her annoying fat ass out of the theater because she was blocking the view for everyone and no one could hear the movie over her irritating voice that makes people want to dropkick babies! that shut her up for the rest of the movie.

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The Top

The Top

Today, I came home to find that my mother had sold all my valuable collector coins for cheap at a local shady pawn shop to buy herself a TV. The coins in question were worth enough to start a business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 558

You deserved it 3 066

Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 354

You deserved it 22 953

Today, while having sex with my husband, I was tired so a lot more of a starfish than I usually am. My husband came sooner and harder than he ever had, and declared it the best sex we've had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 157

You deserved it 346

Today, my housemate and I had rough passionate sex in every room of the house. Being that I'm 18 and he's 32, it was a new thing for me. I just received a call from my mother stating that they would not be paying for the baby they watched us make through their wireless cams in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 410

You deserved it 5 307

Today, after 3 years of unemployment and 6 months of hard studying, I found out I hadn't actually registered myself for the public service exam that will happen later this month and could finally get me a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 530

You deserved it 2 497

Today, my fiancé has been jumping out of closets and from around corners with a video camera, trying to catch me naked. He says he wants to post a video online so his old high school friends can "rate" me. I'm now afraid to get intimate, shower, or even change my clothes in my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 275

You deserved it 5 186