The Top

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Climate change

By BloodyHorror - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, the blood from some defrosted steak dripped under my fridge where I couldn't see it. One insanely hot day later, and my whole house smells like it has its period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 005

You deserved it 495

All shook up

By Mike - 15/12/2010 11:57

Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was, "I farted." Well, at least they all laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 090

You deserved it 8 705

By Anonymous - 02/09/2012 23:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, after a visit with my mom, I started feeling sick. I meant to send her a text asking if she had gotten sick lately, but I accidentally sent a text asking if she had gotten dick lately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 533

You deserved it 5 393

Hermit life

By Pookaa - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a text from someone I've been avoiding saying, "Can I come visit you today?" I replied, "No, sorry, I'm not home." They then replied "Then who is that in your living room?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 196

You deserved it 8 406

Blurt it out

By gotta love my momma - 28/08/2014 05:08 - United States - Folsom

Spicy

Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 337

You deserved it 11 329

By Anonymous - 01/10/2011 02:01 - United States

Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 345

You deserved it 6 844

Smuckle time

By Anonymous - 26/01/2022 10:59

Today, my husband asked me to meet him at 6 for our date night, but I ended up being 45 minutes late. Turns out he predicted my lateness and had booked the restaurant for 7, not 6. He knows me so well, but sometimes I hate the smug smarmy bellend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 3 900

Awkward…

By ApolloandDixie - 23/12/2009 06:17 - United States

Today, my mom and I were going to the store. I stayed in the car while she went in. In the car next to me, there was a dog in the driver's seat barking at me. Bored, I barked back at it until I realized there was someone in the passenger's seat watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 237

You deserved it 35 379

When you don't want to visit your family

By Lewis - 15/12/2018 18:00 - France - Paris

But moooooooom! I wanted to play Fortnite!

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 81

By Anonymous - 29/12/2018 10:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I found out my 8th period science teacher got fired. Our final is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 250

You deserved it 342

School project [gone sexual]

By Cail - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out that he was a good speaker, and could incite passion in a crowd. Instead, what came out was, "Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 231

You deserved it 67 643

By Anonymous - 26/02/2017 19:00 - United States - Shreveport

Today, while at work for a dog groomer, I picked up a new puppy that came in for a groom. I held it up at face level with me, baby talking it, when it promptly began peeing. Luckily, it didn't get on my clothes. Unluckily, it got onto my face and into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 767

You deserved it 2 035

By notpregnantthankgod - 20/11/2015 17:20 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, the local gossip was in line behind me at the shop. She saw me buying pregnancy tests. The good news is that I'm not pregnant. The bad news is that she'll definitely have everyone thinking I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 587

You deserved it 2 225

By Lucy - 21/07/2012 07:40 - United States - La Mesa

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been in love with for the past two years. Five minutes in, he passed out on top of me from a pain pill overdose and had a mini seizure. He finally woke up and groans, "Those bastards! They confiscated my clothes!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 630

You deserved it 5 451

By devil neighbours - 11/04/2017 15:00 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I'm living in a house share with a passive-aggressive middle-aged couple who leave rude notes around the house and yet pretend I don't exist when they happen to be in the same room as me. I'm in no position to get rid of them or move myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 828

You deserved it 343

By Married2handsome - 16/06/2013 23:58 - United States - Palm Bay

Today, my daughter found out what happens when my husband watches Mythbusters and doesn't heed the disclaimer to "Not try this at home." He feels bad about her cut face, but says he's proud he can throw a playing card that hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 133

You deserved it 3 555

Married2handsome tells us more.

Married2handsome 13

Monday 17 June 2013 18:45

Yes, he's a cool dad! No, it was certainly NOT on purpose. :) Although she says it hurt, she too thought it funny and requested I place it as a FB status and FML!

By wowzer - 28/08/2014 19:58 - Puerto Rico - Gurabo

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 394

You deserved it 3 635

By bob - 03/07/2012 17:33 - United States - Fairborn

Spicy

Today, I woke up to a nude picture of my girlfriend. Once I looked at it my morning wood went away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 038

You deserved it 9 401

By LolKaleb - 27/08/2014 03:02 - United States - Frisco

Spicy

Today, as I got out the shower, my mom walked in to give me a towel, then quickly covered her eyes and said, "Woah, I almost saw your penis. Good things it's ridiculously small." I had friends over, and I'm pretty sure I'll hear about this for at least the next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 447

You deserved it 4 947

LolKaleb tells us more.

LolKaleb 14

Thursday 28 August 2014 20:19

It got posted yay. Well some were asking why I showered while friends were over. I had came from the gym and I left my door unlocked for them to come in since they were walking distance away. As I came back sweaty I decided to shower so I wouldn't ruin the couch. As I got out my mom came in to give me a towel since she didn't want me using my old one but she so happened to come in at the same time as me getting out the shower. My friends are still talking about it so yeah I have a good 2 or 3 weeks left before it's over.

By qwerki4 - 28/10/2015 19:29 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was coming home from work and saw an old couple overwhelmed by the number of people at the train station. It was peak hour and I decided to help them. As I went up to them, they said, "Get away, go mug someone else". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 143

You deserved it 1 683

By Annoyed student - 29/04/2017 04:00

Today, after extensively researching how to properly use in text citations out of fear of my professor reporting me for citing my quotes incorrectly. She reported me instead for forgetting quotation marks on three of my proudly and properly cited quotes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 802

You deserved it 1 554

By beckbm23 - 21/11/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 184

You deserved it 2 601

By unknown - 28/05/2019 04:00

Today, I dissected a baby pig. All I could think about was Wilber from Charlotte's Web. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 422

You deserved it 330

By Anonymous - 09/08/2014 15:43 - India - Mumbai

Spicy

Today, I found a piece of erotic fiction on my brother's computer. It involved two lesbian teenagers, who just so happened to have the same names and physical descriptions as my sister and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 773

You deserved it 4 566

By CloroxDoggo - 24/11/2016 00:23 - United States

Today, I was meeting up with a friend in a town. He said he was at the restaurant we were going to meet at; I was too. Turns out I was in the wrong town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 408

You deserved it 2 045

Assumption

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my friend asked me how I did on my test. I got an 85%. She asked me what my secret was, and I said, "I'm just smart." She replied, "No you're not. How did you pull it off?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 293

You deserved it 6 780

Red flag

By Ceej - 30/07/2011 21:06 - United States

Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 703

You deserved it 6 683

Sticking with you

By post-loss - 06/06/2017 18:00

Today, in my excitement to make some new cards for the postcard exchange I take part in, I apparently spilled my bottle of glue directly into the bag that contains my entire postcard collection. I didn't notice until several hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 679

You deserved it 618

By still broke and jobless - 17/09/2015 20:24 - United States

Today, I saw a missed call on my phone. Thinking it was one of the multiple jobs I applied for, I called back. Turns out it was just a debt collector. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 885

You deserved it 2 565

By Matthew - 16/06/2017 22:00 - United States - Largo

Today, after working at my summer job for 3 weeks, I was informed that I was too young to work there. I had contacted them 3 months prior and had given them my birthdate multiple times. I had also attended a special training in their corporate HQ, which I drove 7 hours both ways to get to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 163

You deserved it 342

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, I was running late for work and grabbed what I thought was my deodorant. Turns out, it was my husband's foot spray. Now I'm at the office smelling like a combination of roses and athlete's foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 367

Today, my only friend got banned from my house, all because she kissed her boyfriend in front of me. I'm 16, but apparently I can't handle seeing a kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 229

You deserved it 1 604

Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196 811

You deserved it 34 759

Today, my mom needed coffee so I drove to Starbucks to get her some. She let me drive the Porsche, which has never happened. Upon coming home I picked the coffee up out of the cupholder so it wouldnt spill. My phone vibrated in my pocket, I spilled the coffee and crashed the car into the garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 209

You deserved it 65 510

Today, the ninth grade dean called me into his office to talk. He asked me if I was new, because it seemed like I was having trouble making friends. I've been going to the same school, with the same people, since kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 469

You deserved it 3 382

Today, after seeing a cute girl on the bus, I tried to look cool by flipping my hair, only to smack the side of my head into the bus window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 077

You deserved it 10 159