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A for effort

By SkinsCastSelection - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture of his morning dump because it was heart-shaped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 178

You deserved it 6 449

By stupidgirlll - 26/06/2009 08:09 - United States

Today, I was excited about showing off my new haircut. All my friends thought it looked really good and it made me look older. What did my boyfriend think? He said I look like a little girl and he was afraid to kiss me in public because he didn't want someone to think he was a pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 239

You deserved it 7 401

New, from Goop

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after a nap, I went to scratch my eye and felt what I presumed to be a clump of mascara on my eyelash. I didn't wear mascara today. It was a tick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 698

You deserved it 3 939

By Anonymous - 02/08/2014 04:00 - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend interrupted my proposal to take a selfie with the ice cream I had just bought her. She then said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 187

You deserved it 6 475

By Anonymous - 28/04/2013 03:16 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I had to explain to a friend that the show writers for Glee did not write "Bohemian Rhapsody" and that Freddie Mercury did not steal the song from them. We're both 17 years old, and she reacted by kicking a chair at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 251

You deserved it 3 452

By Vic - 11/07/2011 09:00 - Denmark

Today, it's my birthday. The present I received from my best friend was the exact same necklace which I gave to her for her birthday two months ago. It had been unwrapped and re-wrapped in the same paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 338

You deserved it 4 035

By flustered - 06/05/2012 14:57 - United States - Rapid City

Today, my son tried to swat a fly with a hammer. Our apartment walls are now littered with dents and holes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 598

You deserved it 4 791

By anonymous - 03/07/2011 04:47 - Canada

Today, it took me 5 hours to paint my deck, only to have it ruined by the neighbor's cat running all over the undry paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 797

You deserved it 3 439

By Italian_Stallion - 16/02/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I was at the airport, about to listen to Disney's Camp Rock soundtrack on my iPhone. I pressed play, only to realize that my headphones weren't plugged in all the way. Everone sitting near me heard Joe Jonas' voice coming from my phone. I am 40 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 128

You deserved it 68 241

Confess!

By hitandrun - 10/08/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 227

You deserved it 76 161

By Anonymous - 26/09/2014 21:07 - United States - Pensacola

Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 231

You deserved it 8 209

By notsoonenufdeparted - 02/10/2010 05:07 - United States

Today, my four-year-old asked me when I was going to die. I replied "Not for a long time, why?" He looked at me and stated "Because I only want to live with Daddy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 301

You deserved it 4 821

By dancer, not a hooker... - 05/05/2013 05:01 - Canada - Penticton

Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 583

You deserved it 11 672

By Anonymous - 22/10/2009 02:58 - United States

Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 830

You deserved it 6 975

Priorities

By ill - 02/10/2009 17:18 - Canada

Today, I called my dad to ask why my university tuition had not been paid. He said that my school was "too expensive" and he "couldn't afford it." He then asked me if I would take in his mail while he was away. He was taking his new wife to Hawaii; apparently it's beautiful this time of year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 626

You deserved it 3 630

By Noname - 13/03/2009 20:54 - United States

Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 915

You deserved it 30 114

Classy guy

By NewlyDread - 06/02/2013 02:31 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 472

You deserved it 7 443

By VMV - 01/02/2013 23:53 - Spain - Abrera

Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 183

You deserved it 9 435

By Jodie - 03/02/2012 12:48 - Australia

Today, I had to change my mobile number because I was getting abuse from a guy, so I sent my new number to all of the people on my contact list. Including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 912

You deserved it 50 290

By Money-money-money - 14/12/2012 02:25 - France

Today, I played a game of Monopoly with my friends. Since I'm of Greek origin, they thought it would be funny to make me start with a €100,000 debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 539

You deserved it 5 618

By Anonymous - 01/10/2013 20:25 - Canada - Dollard-des-ormeaux

Today, I went with my boyfriend to his church youth group for the first time. I found out a girl there likes him, when she decided to pull me off him while we were hugging, and take my place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 584

You deserved it 3 339

By r4inb0wbrit3 - 13/07/2012 07:37 - United States - Townsend

Today, I was on a date with a great guy, and we were really hitting it off. While we were walking in the park, a woman who smelled like the devil's toenails and looked as if she hadn't bathed in a year passed us. I whispered to my date, "Look at that disgusting woman." It was his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 530

You deserved it 37 959

By Afroman720 - 27/07/2015 18:55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 803

You deserved it 2 895

By Nchristine - 27/05/2010 20:59 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad had backed into my already crappy car. The reason they didn't buy me a nicer car in the first place was they were afraid I'd wreck it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 964

You deserved it 4 150

By Anyonexx0 - 14/04/2015 18:15 - United States - Washington

Today, my sister and I heard back from a job we both applied to. I had used the knowledge from my MBA degree to write a six-page essay for the application, while she just copied and pasted hers from a random website. Guess who got the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 811

You deserved it 3 791

Leave me alone

By Peppermint - 17/03/2011 10:00 - New Zealand

Today, I put signs up in the lifts at work with my name and desk phone number as the contact in case the lifts break down. I work in IT so there are hundreds of men in the building. Someone has already drawn a very wonky heart next to my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 424

You deserved it 5 389

By Cary - 26/12/2011 06:17 - United States

Today, I noticed that my girlfriend has a deeper voice than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 332

You deserved it 7 882

You ain't heard anything, right?

By blabbermouth - 08/10/2012 17:26 - South Africa - Port Elizabeth

Today, my boyfriend and I made love for the first time. Before we left his house so he could walk me home, I fixed my hair by the hall mirror and joked about having serious sex hair. My boyfriend quickly reminded me that his incredibly religious mother was in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 118

You deserved it 37 442

By Anonymous - 27/05/2009 16:18 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend who lives in China contacted me and told me she'd been harassed by a guy and was thinking about pressing charges. The guy is someone I know from college - he promised me he would say "hi" to her for me while he was in Shanghai. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 183

You deserved it 5 259

Isn't that, like, a crime?

By notkatvond - 19/06/2013 18:46 - United States

Today, at my job at my tattoo parlor, yet another client offered to pay for his tattoo by "letting" me sleep with him. This client happens to be my boyfriend's best friend, whose girlfriend is having me tattoo his name on her wrist next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 303

You deserved it 4 126

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend, a math teacher, wanted to recite multiplication timetables while making love in order to come less quickly. He could only recite up to the number 5 because as it turns out, the timetables actually turn him on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538

You deserved it 184

Today, while enjoying a nice dinner out, I observed a homeless man giggling hysterically to himself while wiping boogers on my bike seat and handlebars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 377

You deserved it 3 737

Today, at work, I was standing around, doing nothing. When my coworker pointed this out, I laughed and said, "It's okay, I'm training for a supervisor position!" Guess who was standing right behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 961

You deserved it 18 777

Today, I went to make coffee, but having just woken up, I forgot the paper filter. You can guess what was in my coffee… FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 298

Today, with the experience of sitting behind someone on a roller coaster, I found out pee is affected by gravity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 980

You deserved it 2 583

Today, I talked to my boss about my pay decrease since switching job locations, and how I feel I should be getting a bit more. Her response? “Absolutely not.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 125