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By BrokebyKids - 06/09/2010 20:26 - United States

Today, my daughter asked for a dollar to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck while I was on my computer working. Out of my wallet she took a fifty dollar bill. The ice cream man got a big tip before driving off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 345

You deserved it 16 379

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By elevenharries - 03/06/2010 08:54 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, after staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time, I got in the shower. His bathroom door doesn't lock, so half way through my shower he walked in. Trying to be sexy, I pressed myself up against the glass, which turned out the be a door that opens outwards. I fell on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 113

You deserved it 42 391

By Shamu - 27/02/2011 19:28 - United States

Today, I found out my friends call me 'Shamu the whale' behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 022

You deserved it 7 090

Jesus wept

By chicochico - 19/12/2008 16:05 - France

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came, "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 358

You deserved it 7 045

By WishIWasADogMinder - 10/12/2015 10:47 - Australia

Today, while making less than minimum wage at McDonalds, I had to dispose of a grown man's soiled underwear that he left on the bathroom floor under a pile of toilet paper. It isn't even the grossest thing I've seen in my six months of employment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 891

You deserved it 2 530

Thanks for bringing that up

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother asked my live-in girlfriend if she's had any problems with me peeing the bed. I haven't wet the bed since I was seven and I'd hoped to take that secret to my grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 253

You deserved it 3 106

By brob56 - 23/04/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 853

You deserved it 82 776

By thejbarrick50 - 21/05/2012 02:29 - United States - Bergen

Today, I decided to save a few bucks and let my mother cut my hair. I then had to wait in the hospital for attention due to the fact that she cut the tip of my ear off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 156

You deserved it 4 801

Oh well…

By DL06 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I met a guy online. We talked all night long and hit it off amazingly. He told me he'd never felt that way about anyone else, and I agreed. He sent me a picture and he was gorgeous. I sent him one after he assured me he didn't care what I looked like. I haven't heard from him since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 888

You deserved it 12 646

By Bishy123 - 26/03/2014 07:50 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I tried to get out of my boyfriend's car in an angered exit because he got a text from the woman he's been cheating on me with. I ended up tripping on my purse, falling out of the car and face-planting onto the sidewalk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 101

You deserved it 7 490

Bishy123 tells us more.

Bishy123 8

Wednesday 26 March 2014 20:48

I was not aware he was cheating on me until I read the text. He is no longer my boyfriend.

Driving school dropout

By Rebecca - 16/01/2012 00:36 - Canada

Today, as I was pulling into my driveway, I hit my fence. The same fence that I had repaired last week because I had run into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 648

You deserved it 41 462

By bloodyfreakinawful - 14/12/2012 06:40 - United States - Seabrook

Today, in class, I reached into my bag to pull out a tampon, which I hid under my sleeve so I could make a quick escape to the restroom. My teacher yelled at me, because she thought I'd taken out my phone. I then had to prove myself by showing the tampon to the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 998

You deserved it 3 208

By flattened - 10/02/2011 10:58

Today, my mum got an electric car. It's so quiet that we could hear the bones of my cat break as we reversed over it on the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 709

You deserved it 8 513

By Fuzzy - 08/01/2010 07:56 - Australia

Today, I was watching Star Wars : Attack of the Clones, and Yoda was using the force to move a heavy object. While in the middle of my loungeroom, I instinctively put my hand up to use the force to help him, infront of my father and sister. My sister will never let me live it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 143

You deserved it 39 934

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 06:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally. I now found out, she is correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 885

You deserved it 41 206

By erin3809483 - 23/05/2009 00:12 - United States

Today, while installing a deadbolt on my closet, I did it wrong. It closed but wouldn't lock so I had to re-install it. Sitting on the floor of my closet, I shut it to make sure it was installed correctly. I locked myself in for twenty minutes, home alone, before kicking the door down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 869

You deserved it 50 530

erin3809483 tells us more.

erin3809483 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 20:57

umm a deadbolt on my closet because i'm home from college and my sister steals all of my clothes. also, its not a deadbolt but like one of those doorknobs that have a key lock and when you install a new doorknob there is the piece that clicks into the wall when it shuts. I installed it backwards to decided to check and make sure it was right the 2nd time and it clicked therefore, i was locked in the closet because you install the knob after that.

By davav74 - 15/06/2012 23:31 - United Kingdom - Ely

Today, I visited my new doctor for the migraines I've been getting lately. Right from the start, I could have sworn the guy was on drugs. He just listened to my heartbeat, said, "Well Dave, it sounds like gallstones" and said they'll pass naturally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 689

You deserved it 1 937

By oliveoyl - 23/07/2011 04:05 - United States

Today, my husband, who is in the Navy, had a couple of his sailor friends over to hang out. The stereotype about their swearing is true. My two year old now won't stop saying "Fuck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 701

You deserved it 5 277

By Anonymous - 07/04/2009 15:51 - Japan

Today, I was in a store using the only bathroom there. After I was done, I realized I couldn't open the door. Panicked it locked me in, I banged on the door, and screamed for help. The security and a whole group of people gathered, only to find that I was pulling the door instead of pushing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 453

You deserved it 91 626

By Ltl_Dust_Bunny - 23/03/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, I met a cute guy for coffee. Everything was going fine, right up until he started telling me about his alien encounters and super psychic powers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 900

You deserved it 9 494

By CUNTCUNTCUNT - 29/01/2014 21:28 - Australia - Slacks Creek

Today, it's my 8 year anniversary. My boyfriend's "romantic" gesture for the occasion was to toss a few McDonald's coupons at me and tell me to get whatever I wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 559

You deserved it 7 379

By Anonymous - 02/09/2009 17:38 - United States

Today, I decided to lay out topless in my fenced-in backyard. For about an hour, everything was going great until I sneezed and my creepy, middle-aged neighbor said "bless you". From my bushes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 211

You deserved it 17 640

By Anonymous - 03/05/2015 07:42 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 450

You deserved it 5 076

By Worstjob - 03/03/2011 00:35 - United States

Today, I started my job as a high school janitor. A student decided to welcome me by taking a dump in the urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 335

You deserved it 4 441

By Trey - 19/11/2011 01:58 - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend over to her first dinner with my family. My gramps spent the entire dinner telling my girlfriend how the Illuminati are plotting to take over the world and use microchips to control everyone. So much for being taken seriously now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 532

You deserved it 3 324

By Anonymous - 06/01/2010 21:15 - United Kingdom

Today, it was snowing. I slipped on the ice and fell in the middle of the road, dislocating my left shoulder and knee. As I was screaming in pain and trying to stand up, two boys on the pavement threw snowballs at me while everyone in the cars just drove around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 223

You deserved it 2 833

There's no justice

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my car got keyed because I was parked in a handicapped parking spot. I'm handicapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 898

You deserved it 2 634

By Anonymous - 23/09/2011 22:24 - Germany

Today, after five long years of having been together, my boyfriend told me that he wanted to take our relationship to the "next level". We now have a Sims relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 770

You deserved it 4 978

By Lilragu97 - 26/07/2012 05:14 - United States - Exeter

Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new boyfriend eating soup, naked on the toilet. In shock, I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs, backwards, and hit my head on wall, leaving a dent in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 388

You deserved it 2 400

By Anonymous - 08/11/2010 09:50 - United States

Today, trying to be cute, I told my soon-to-be husband he was the ying to my yang. He responded with, "Baby, you're the Monica Lewinsky to my Bill Clinton." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 570

You deserved it 8 487

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Today, my boyfriend referred me to me as "just a friend" to his ex. They swapped phone numbers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 906

You deserved it 6 024

Today, at work, a customer I've never met before congratulated me on my gender transition and told me how brave I was. I'm not transgender, I'm just short and baby-faced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 870

You deserved it 231

Today, I got a really bad sunburn. On my eyelids. Who knew blinking could be so painful? FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 427

You deserved it 4 721

Today, the only girl I'm friends with deleted my comment off of her profile because she was too embarrassed that people would see we were friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 416

You deserved it 3 510

Today, I came home from work to find my things outside my yard and the door locks changed. I called my wife to let me in and she told me to go live with, “That homewrecking whore who texted you last night” instead. She’s talking about my cousin, who informed me via text that my aunt’s in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 472

You deserved it 108

Today, the pair of solar eclipse glasses I ordered weeks ago arrived. I'm sure they'll come in handy for 2024. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 189

You deserved it 360