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By unknown - 21/09/2011 12:40 - Philippines

Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 634

You deserved it 39 181

By Anonymous - 26/07/2012 10:42 - Australia

Today, I was mugged. Not for a laptop, cell phone or money, but for the cupcake I was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 430

You deserved it 2 714

By wishbone - 14/04/2009 20:41 - Canada

Today, a cute boy told me I looked like a celebrity. Flattered, I asked who I resembled. He responded by saying that I looked exactly like Ugly Betty. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 713

You deserved it 5 663

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 08:00 - United States - Temecula

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 993

You deserved it 6 009

We were on a break

By Depressed - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that we should take a break from our relationship, because it'd be best for the both of us. Later, I found out that she really meant it'd be best for her and her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 517

You deserved it 3 686

By me - 12/03/2012 02:49 - United States

Today, a guy came by my house and demanded my fiancé come out and fight. He explained that my fiancé had been stupid enough to not only troll on a local interest forum, but to leave his name and our address, inviting people to "come shut me up if you think you're tough enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 132

You deserved it 3 598

By Anonymous - 08/05/2011 19:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised just how grossly out of shape I am, when I started violently sweating, felt light-headed, and almost blacked out. All this from helping my sister shift a sofa from the move-in truck to her living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 725

You deserved it 35 786

By danikka1 - 11/03/2010 17:13 - United States

Today, I told my husband that after fifteen years of marriage, I wanted a divorce. His first question was whether or not he could still go on the family cruise my parents are paying for in May. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 120

You deserved it 10 505

By fuckadaisical - 06/12/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 463

You deserved it 8 908

By Anonymous - 28/07/2009 06:03 - United States

Today, I went on a group job interview, where all the applicants seem to have the same qualifications. When the interviewer dismissed all of us but the prettiest girl, outraged, I told him he was a prejudiced pig, and should be ashamed of himself. Apparently she was the only one who had a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 754

You deserved it 58 912

By Anonymous - 16/11/2012 23:59 - United Kingdom - Eastbourne

Today, I went to a big job interview. Everything went well at first, with the interviewer being impressed by my CV. I was then interrogated over not having a Facebook account, and practically accused of being a criminal, because people without them "always have something to hide". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 713

You deserved it 1 932

By whovian - 25/12/2014 15:17 - United States - Gorham

Spicy

Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 570

You deserved it 4 640

By ice cream dude - 10/08/2012 13:58 - United States - Denver

Today, I finished my first two weeks as an ice cream truck driver. Now I can't get that annoying ice cream truck music out of my head. It's even in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 014

You deserved it 4 337

Scammed

By ahhnotoy - 27/04/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, I bought a box of Fruit Loops. When I got home, I noticed a free prize would be in the box. I sifted through the box, looking for the small toy. It wasn't in there. I don't know what is more sad, the fact that I got ripped off by a children's cereal or that I'm 21 and upset by it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 172

You deserved it 14 592

Threat

By fuck you, kid - 16/07/2014 18:56 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 369

You deserved it 4 019

By anniemeece - 07/04/2012 15:15 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to put my bra on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 471

You deserved it 7 774

anniemeece tells us more.

anniemeece 23

Saturday 7 April 2012 23:14

Wow, I can't believe this actually got published! :O Okay, most of the questions are how: it's a sports bra. I hooked it in the back, and as I was adjusting the front so that it, ahem, fully encompassed everything and that the straps weren't twisted, my hand slipped as I was pulling up the front, and with the power of the elastic, hit myself in the mouth. I know, it was pretty silly.

By BlazefireSaber - 07/07/2015 03:59 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with a broken finger, all because I beat my little brother in a Wii game. He ran over and twisted my finger, saying, "Now how are you going to beat me, cunt?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 553

You deserved it 2 998

By nothowtheydoitinalabama - 22/02/2012 03:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 596

You deserved it 3 722

By embarrassed - 31/01/2012 03:54 - United States

Today, my sister set it so all the Yahoo articles I read are published on my Facebook wall. This would have been fine had I not decided to read, "Does the gynecologist care if you shave?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 526

You deserved it 5 384

By Vassy - 04/12/2012 18:51 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I made a positive remark to the owner of my local groceries store for employing a special needs girl. Not only is the girl not mentally handicapped, she's also the owner's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 672

You deserved it 32 815

By Jenny - 31/03/2009 00:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. All of a sudden he jumped off of me, going "shit, shit!". Worried, i asked him what was wrong. He shouted "I forgot to set my TiVO!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 115 350

You deserved it 8 721

Getting hot in here

By blocked_by_fire - 17/04/2012 18:13 - United States - Pullman

Spicy

Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 795

You deserved it 4 533

By kirsty - 08/04/2012 17:18 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I went to a new deli in town. While waiting in line, I hadn't made up my mind on what to order, so I let the guy behind me go instead. Turns out he was the hundredth customer, and they gave him his lunch for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 477

You deserved it 9 395

By Punk - 07/06/2011 20:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 493

You deserved it 11 874

By nicoleee - 29/03/2012 20:16 - United States

Today, I was talking about phobias and anxiety disorders in psychology class. I nearly had a panic attack because I was worried that someone might realize I suffer from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 073

You deserved it 4 069

Pervy

By okaydisarray - 04/07/2015 02:31 - United States - Dayton

Spicy

Today, my husband's 70-year-old uncle came for a visit. Since we only have 2 bedrooms, we set him up in our daughter's room. Later, I glanced into the room and saw him masturbating in her bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 015

You deserved it 2 820

By heallven - 31/01/2013 12:26 - France - Ostricourt

Today, my loyalty and regularity at my local pizza place were noticed. The delivery guy, when bringing yet another order, asked me if the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were living with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 98

Boredom

By alhummel21 - 12/02/2009 07:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181 866

You deserved it 52 083

By ash - 25/08/2011 22:57 - United States

Today, I had to admit that I'm an alcoholic when I spent my last dollar bills on Southern Comfort instead of tampons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 112

You deserved it 41 849

By whattdafuuukkkk - 05/06/2012 11:56 - United States

Today, a little girl walked up to me at Target and asked me what my name was. I smiled and told her my name was Kristen. She looked at the skirt I was wearing and said, "Kristen, can you wear pants tomorrow?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 466

You deserved it 6 601

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Today, I realized I have more dogs than I do friends. I have two dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 612

You deserved it 6 747

Today, I watched with mild confusion as a piece of paper tucked underneath my windshield wiper flapped around on the highway. What could it be? Surely not a parking ticket. Powerless, I watched it fly away. It must have been the insurance information for the person who swiped the back of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 303

You deserved it 10 730

Today, I was listening to my favorite albums by the Prodigy. Most are from the '90s, with one from 2015. I caught myself thinking about how much better it is than what's out now. It was then that I realized that I AM the old curmudgeon who complains about "today's music." FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 257

Today, it was supposed to be my birthday dinner with two of my friends. They're both now bringing their boyfriends, so I get to be the fifth wheel to my own birthday dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 944

You deserved it 378

Today, I was boiling pasta and tasting it every now and then too see if it was done. As an afterthought, I threw in some lentil pasta as well. Only after tasting a few more times did I notice the maggots that were now slowly rising in the boiling water. I didn't expect that much protein in those lentils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 155

Today, coming home after a hard day's work was so relaxing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 788

You deserved it 493