The Top

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By Anonymous - 18/08/2011 01:51 - United States

Today, my mom went to grab my sheets off my bed. I said that I would do it, to which she responded, "Calm down, it's not like I've never seen 'spludge' before." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 420

You deserved it 6 781

Whaaaaat?

By erphy21 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Lompoc

Today, my 18 year-old son learned that just because his girlfriend was on top doesn't mean gravity will prevent her from becoming pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 454

You deserved it 6 436

By FreshFaced - 12/06/2011 11:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I went into work for the first time without make-up. My boss thought I looked so tired and ill that he sent me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 021

You deserved it 8 067

By fuck - 02/06/2011 18:43 - United States

Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 138

You deserved it 5 959

By beaten - 13/09/2009 06:17 - United States

Today, my Marine friend got back from his tour of duty overseas. We went out for drinks to celebrate his return. His own form of celebration was to pick a fight with a returning Navy SEAL and his friends. We lost. Badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 375

You deserved it 14 147

Broken

By ish - 14/08/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me in the parking lot right before a baseball game, then convinced me to still go to the game in tears. After the game, we were walking back to the car and he goes, "So, how about some break up lovin'?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 958

You deserved it 9 291

By mykodu - 02/10/2014 20:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my little sister had her second son. She is 31 and she named her sons after her favorite television characters, Sam and Dean Winchester. She has made it her life goal to make sure her husband never finds out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 335

You deserved it 4 887

By amiadori - 01/05/2009 09:50 - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 5 years cheated on me. When confronted she told me, "I didn't get wet so it wasn't cheating." FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 668

You deserved it 5 327

By MarcusJones713 - 08/04/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, I was at the gym with my friends when they invited me to do a few bench presses. Since I'd never done any before, I decided to start with no weights on the bar and work my way up from there. I wound up pinned beneath the bar, calling for my friend to come free me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 857

You deserved it 22 693

It's a trap!

By Ahook1 - 23/08/2010 23:31 - Australia

Today, I discovered that my infertile girlfriend, who I have been having unprotected sex with for the past two months, is apparently very fertile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 420

You deserved it 54 362

By gutsforme - 11/08/2010 10:40 - New Zealand

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he wanted for for his birthday in a couple of days. He replied "to be single" and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 415

You deserved it 4 497

By time to lawyer up - 20/02/2014 21:20 - United States - Forney

Today, I saw a photo on my mother-in-law's Facebook, proudly showing off the horrible job she'd done of painting her car. I sarcastically commented that I wouldn't inflict that on my worst enemy's ride. An hour later, she came by and emptied a bucket of paint over my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 412

You deserved it 52 991

By seriously? - 22/12/2012 22:19 - United States - Spring

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, he got upset and accused me of making up words to make him feel stupid. All because I used the word "vapid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 556

You deserved it 7 576

By Anonymous - 22/02/2010 16:38 - United States

Today, my dad screamed at me because I've been "spending too much money". He's been out of a job for 4 months and I've been giving him 300 dollars a month to help pay for bills... and his beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 756

You deserved it 3 431

Don't mess with Texas

By Anonymous - 17/10/2013 21:36 - United States - College Station

Today, my boss gave me a verbal warning. My crime? Calling people "Hon'", "Darlin'", and the like. I work at a Texas diner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 073

You deserved it 5 953

By Anonymous - 09/05/2011 04:37 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to give his mother a box of chocolates and flowers for Mother's Day. She just stared at them and said, "What's this for? You're not my daughter, and never will be. But I'll keep the chocolate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 924

You deserved it 6 323

By crazystuff23 - 01/06/2009 16:44 - United States

Today, I saw the following message on my Facebook News Feed: "Morning Sex: [My mom] and [My dad] are fans. Click here to Join" FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 739

You deserved it 5 859

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 03:36 - United States - Chicago

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 462

You deserved it 42 610

By tinygirl - 07/03/2011 06:16

Today, it's official, we measured. My boyfriend's manboobs are bigger than my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 315

You deserved it 11 213

By Anonymous - 17/07/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, to get back at me for breaking up with him, my ex-boyfriend thought it would be really funny to post semi nude pictures of me on Craigslist. To top it off, he decided to give all 200+ people who responded to my ad my home phone number. I'm getting non-stop calls from horny freaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 814

You deserved it 20 563

By stop it ninja - 14/10/2012 07:00 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, while I was using my computer, my cat ran up to the power strip, looked me in the eyes, and hit the power switch, turning everything off. She does this quite often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 589

You deserved it 4 958

Yummy

By Massasam - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was late for work. Trying to cut a few seconds off the clock, I tried to open my breakfast candy bar while taking a piss. I ended up pissing all over myself and dropping the bar in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 831

You deserved it 42 482

By Anonymous - 13/03/2012 12:51 - Netherlands

Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 023

You deserved it 8 347

My house, my rules

By Bondi414 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad made a new house rule: "If it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down." My whole house now smells like piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 907

You deserved it 2 864

By anoynomous - 02/02/2010 05:47 - France

Today, I got a ticket. The officer's daughter is my ex. He gave me a ticket for 31 in a 30 mph zone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 734

You deserved it 5 816

By BetterThanFake - 13/01/2010 00:03 - United States

Today, I made a fake MySpace so that I could flirt with my boyfriend and see what he would do. He ended up dumping me for the fake MySpace girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 427

You deserved it 51 597

Stranger danger!

By calidreaming - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Japan - Osaka

Today, as I got off the bus, I saw a girl counting her change making sure she had enough for the ride. Since it was my last stop for the day, I offered my day pass to her. She replied, "Get away, freak." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 177

You deserved it 2 812

By Cult - 30/03/2014 14:27 - United States - Glenside

Today, I found out that my favorite band logo is no longer being used by said band because of copyright issues. I have this logo tattooed on my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 332

You deserved it 57 541

Mommy issues

By tiredofcrazy - 18/03/2014 09:14 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend stormed out after I suggested to him that his relationship with his mother is maybe a little weird. Apparently having regular, hour-long phone discussions about your penis is a perfectly normal thing for a 23-year-old to have with his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 027

You deserved it 7 516

What is it?

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 254

You deserved it 8 237

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The Top

Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 2 619

Today, I figured out why my doctor repeatedly warned me to keep regular bowel movements while I recover from childbirth. I now have an anal fissure. It's like giving birth all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 794

You deserved it 4 429

Today, I accompanied my daughter to her classmate's Disney Princess themed birthday party. Minutes in, the celebrant's mother kindly asked us to leave because my daughter was ruining the theme. How? She dressed up as Princess Leia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 975

You deserved it 382

Today, a cute guy who works at the mall winked at me. When I met up with my boyfriend, I bragged to him about it. His response was, "Don't flatter yourself, he winked at me too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 580

You deserved it 17 841

Today, I found out the only reason my boyfriend asked me out is because he thought I "looked like a girl who'd be into anal". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 174

You deserved it 4 416

Today, I went to my best friend's house to propose to my girlfriend of 6 years. When I walked in, she was having sex with my best friend's 37-year-old brother. She then yelled, ”You should have knocked first!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 952

You deserved it 378