Intimacy: Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to... - FML

By Anonymous - 31/05/2011 11:21

Spicy

Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 786

You deserved it 69 888

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Same thing different taste

By MyHeadHurts - 20/01/2012 10:42 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 221

You deserved it 39 634

Take it easy on yourself

By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 00:01

Spicy

Today, I came back home from a holiday with family. Finally being on my own, I did some catching up on my masturbation. I have jerked off so much and/or so vigorously, I now have a carpet burn on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 1 694

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 455

You deserved it 7 466

By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 981

You deserved it 50 627

Rubbing it in

By Anonymous - 12/03/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, since splitting up with my girlfriend, I’ve watched so much porn I think I’ve given myself a friction burn on my clit, so now not only does it hurt to even walk normally, it’s way too painful to masturbate, so I’m now horny all the frigging time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 1 345

Bang one out

By exhausted without relief - 08/02/2023 14:00

Spicy

Today, I’ve been so stressed out lately about my health and mounting bills that my insomnia has returned with vengeance. I thought I’d masturbate to help get some relief, but turns out I’m too tired to even do the deed. Too exhausted to release, but my brain still won’t let me sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 097

You deserved it 178

Can't be bothered

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 00:30

Spicy

Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 1 756

By Anonymous - 04/08/2010 10:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to moisturise my dog's testicles because they got sunburnt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 373

You deserved it 7 949

By RyanM - 13/02/2011 09:01 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 993

You deserved it 64 734

Bad ********

By testacular - 25/03/2014 21:20 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Spicy

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 663

You deserved it 55 871

Next

Top comments

Tadeusz_fml 5

Tuesday 31 May 2011 15:48

Get a hobby. Get help. Go do it now. Also, how did you sunburn your area or the palm of your hands?

DalPozzo13 10

Tuesday 31 May 2011 15:49

Get a girlfriend, that will solve your problem

Comments

KHunnyBear 2

Sunday 26 June 2011 9:23

Were you suntanning but naked?

reignstorm 0

Thursday 30 June 2011 3:51

whats masturbating?

JoyceeFruit 3

Thursday 30 June 2011 19:32

go do something with your life! or go master whatever some more!

cheybearlovesyou 0

Thursday 30 June 2011 20:43

You people shouldn't be so rude. Everyone is different. This person happens to like doing this and it's his/her life. You people are the ones who should get a life for even commenting such rude things.

Chavezcpc 5

Tuesday 12 July 2011 9:03

try using aloe

briissocoollike 8

Friday 12 August 2011 5:28

Time to get a life buddy

bennie226 0

Monday 15 August 2011 13:20

Will you please get a life.

crystian 7

Thursday 22 September 2011 4:57

Haha man that sucks luck

RaquelRox2299 0

Wednesday 28 September 2011 5:43

GET A LIFE

Ressamies 6

Friday 4 November 2011 21:14

so when you cant **********, there i NOTHING else to do? interesting...

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The Top

The Top

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about times we'd made our mothers cry. She said she'd only made her mother cry once. When I asked when, she said, "When I told her I was thinking about dating you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 983

You deserved it 3 533

Today, my friends told me that they couldn't make it to my birthday dinner unless I changed the time, because I'd made dinner reservations that would clash with the new episode of Jersey Shore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 677

You deserved it 9 063

Today, I walked around for hours with a Post-it on my back reading, "I JUST HAD SEX!" My boyfriend stuck it on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 772

You deserved it 8 229

Today, I called my husband and he told me that he was going to invite his friend Jeff over that night. I told him I would prefer that he didn't come over. He took it to mean that I wanted to spend time with him and came home with flowers. Then had to tell him I was leaving him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 632

You deserved it 158 176

Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I called my brother to share the news that I've been sober for a month. He invited me to a bar to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 447

You deserved it 3 380

Today, I finally spoke to a counsellor about my depression. As soon as the session started, I became so anxious that I could barely speak. Once the Zoom call was finished, I got the distinct impression that she thought I was mentally disabled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 151