Sex, Wanker and Intimacy: Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors.... - FML

By Anonymous - 23/03/2009 18:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asked, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouted, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 082

You deserved it 11 821

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Same thing different taste

What a jerk!

By traumatized house keeper - 08/09/2017 13:00 - Germany - Munster

Spicy

Today, while cleaning the hostel, I had to make some beds in a dorm room. There were three guys in the room, one of whom was sitting on a bed. He looked me straight in the eye and I gave him a big smile before I realized he was jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 500

You deserved it 432

Get in there!

By Menareidiots - 24/02/2009 23:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 842

You deserved it 22 729

By Arizonagirl - 06/11/2016 07:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 361

You deserved it 843

By anonymous - 08/01/2015 19:10 - United States - Noblesville

Spicy

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 178

You deserved it 3 382

Screwing

By ThanksMom - 26/03/2009 18:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my parents were helping me construct my bed. We ended up not having enough screws to properly secure the frame. My dad mentioned that it might cause problems if I got a girl into my bed. My mom said, "Don't worry about it, we all know that's not going to happen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 623

You deserved it 9 217

Stuck on you

By Eeeek - 26/08/2010 21:17 - Bulgaria

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 138

You deserved it 52 980

Great

By Jordan - 10/08/2018 14:00 - United States - Boulder

Spicy

Today, I met the guy who will be my dorm roommate for the fall semester. One of the first things he said was, "By the way, I'm into self-massage, so don't get weirded out if you hear noises coming from my room a lot." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 023

You deserved it 197

By lonelyguy321 - 27/07/2010 14:43 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I went to bed with three hot, half-naked girls beneath me. I was in the bunk above. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 289

You deserved it 16 603

Perfect?

By NeverGonnaGetAny - 23/02/2009 19:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 805

You deserved it 24 064

By awkward O_o - 24/04/2013 21:15 - United States - Saint Paul

Spicy

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 831

You deserved it 4 929

Next

Top comments

bipolarchipmunk 0

Monday 23 March 2009 23:24

you should have said "**** you bitch, I'm right handed!"

ohhboyy 0

Monday 23 March 2009 23:25

slap him in the face with ur left hand see how he likes it

Comments

GingerAriel 0

Wednesday 13 January 2010 21:43

aww poor guy ;)

Realorange 6

Saturday 28 August 2010 23:08

I agree with #1

like_its_ya_bday 0

Monday 13 September 2010 3:43

lmao... ew.. lmao that was good tho

fefebot 0

Saturday 19 February 2011 6:12

No he should have said well now that your here I wont have to

elizacandle 29

Monday 27 May 2013 10:15

what a bunch of little bastards.

ywolfgl 21

Tuesday 13 August 2013 21:01

It's sad that high school kids think of these thinga

CeltHound 14

Sunday 16 March 2014 21:15

Find out their names and then report them to admissions so they're never admitted!

SpectreZ 9

Thursday 19 May 2016 20:22

Never seen an FML with so many "I agree"s.

Dakota1458 11

Sunday 3 July 2016 22:32

Should have been like well it's sturdy enough to hold your weight so three people should be fine

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Today, I was relaxing on the sofa with the cat purring on my lap. My husband blasted an air horn. I'm now covered in cat scratches and piss, from both myself and the cat. I'm going to skin him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 91

Today, I went for coffee with some people from work. I lined up to order behind a guy I'd only met a few times. When he paid, he dropped his wallet, and I saw that he had a picture of me cut from the company newsletter, enlarged, and taped inside his wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 995

You deserved it 3 974

Today, we got a diamond delivered to our house. I was super confused until my husband admitted he’d taken the ashes of his grandparents and parents, my mom and my grandparents', and my auntie's, mixed them all together and sent them to one of those diamond making companies. I’m divorcing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 630

You deserved it 209

Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 441

You deserved it 5 203

Today, my girlfriend has such a bad ear infection that she's leaking yellow pus, but she still refuses antibiotics, calling them "white man's poison" and insisting that "indigenous healing" will cure her. This translates to listening to drum music and dancing, then vomiting everywhere because her balance is fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 187

Today, after spending 4 years without dating after an abusive relationship, and going out with who I thought was a decent guy for 6 months, I told him I have bipolar disorder and take medication for it. He responded by dumping me saying he can’t date someone who’s “crazy.” Back to putting my wall up I go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 270