Sex, Wanker and Intimacy: Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors....

By Anonymous - 23/03/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asked, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouted, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 082

You deserved it 11 821

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Same thing different taste

What a jerk!

By traumatized house keeper - 08/09/2017 13:00 - Germany - Munster

Today, while cleaning the hostel, I had to make some beds in a dorm room. There were three guys in the room, one of whom was sitting on a bed. He looked me straight in the eye and I gave him a big smile before I realized he was jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 500

You deserved it 432

Get in there!

By Menareidiots - 24/02/2009 23:32 - United States

Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 842

You deserved it 22 729

By Arizonagirl - 06/11/2016 07:31 - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 361

You deserved it 843

By anonymous - 08/01/2015 19:10 - United States - Noblesville

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 178

You deserved it 3 382

Screwing

By ThanksMom - 26/03/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, my parents were helping me construct my bed. We ended up not having enough screws to properly secure the frame. My dad mentioned that it might cause problems if I got a girl into my bed. My mom said, "Don't worry about it, we all know that's not going to happen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 623

You deserved it 9 217

Stuck on you

By Eeeek - 26/08/2010 21:17 - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 138

You deserved it 52 980

Great

By Jordan - 10/08/2018 14:00 - United States - Boulder

Today, I met the guy who will be my dorm roommate for the fall semester. One of the first things he said was, "By the way, I'm into self-massage, so don't get weirded out if you hear noises coming from my room a lot." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 023

You deserved it 197

By lonelyguy321 - 27/07/2010 14:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to bed with three hot, half-naked girls beneath me. I was in the bunk above. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 289

You deserved it 16 603

Perfect?

By NeverGonnaGetAny - 23/02/2009 19:28 - United States

Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 805

You deserved it 24 064

By awkward O_o - 24/04/2013 21:15 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 831

You deserved it 4 929

bipolarchipmunk 0

Monday 23 March 2009 23:24

you should have said "**** you bitch, I'm right handed!"

ohhboyy 0

Monday 23 March 2009 23:25

slap him in the face with ur left hand see how he likes it

Comments

MechaMew2 0

Saturday 18 April 2009 16:44

#4 It was a "she," not a "he" who made that comment.

christopherlove 0

Tuesday 5 May 2009 9:35

It's a threesome if you use both hands.

Jord111222333 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 5:06

isn't it usually the right hand?!? :P

bigraws23 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 3:37

Haha

bigraws23 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 3:40

it's a proven fact the right handed people live longer than left hand people by over four years on average!! Go righties!!! :]

Da_Gov 0

Friday 24 July 2009 21:11

LMAO, you should've done what #1 said!

FunkiiX 0

Wednesday 9 September 2009 19:46

You should of said: "How do you know, pervert."

blmred 0

Friday 27 November 2009 5:09

I agree with #1 lolz

codenameshutup 0

Tuesday 29 December 2009 8:50

well you got told then didnt u

noPENGSinALASKA 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 18:57

you should have said "idk ask your mom and your sister if they were sturdy enough?"

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Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 272

You deserved it 6 644