Insulting Love Rare and inventive insult - FML

Rare and inventive insult

fuck you - - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Anonymous - 09/08/2013 14:54 - France

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

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Nice dude

ThroatSlasher - 17/08/2015 19:20 - United Kingdom - Grimsby

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML

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He's a keeper

mariana - 08/02/2014 00:18 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

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(._. ) - 06/08/2013 20:35 - United States - Alburnett

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd have to ask his dad if it was OK. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "Come on, Dad" and "But why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML

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nameless - 12/07/2009 06:45 - United States

Today, I asked the girl I am in love with out on a date. She asked me for my name. FML

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bertiebeth - 02/08/2014 05:35 - Australia - Padstow

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML

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MysticSoup - 21/04/2019 22:00 - United States - Carthage

Today, I asked my doctor out on a date. He had his nurse turn me down. FML

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Honesty is the best policy

Anonymous - 19/06/2020 02:00

Today, I finally went on a date with a girl I've been talking to for 2 years. She is my dream girl, picture perfect and I love her with all my heart. So I asked her, half jokingly, if I was her dream guy. Her reply? "Don't ask me something you don't want to hear the answer of." FML

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-insert clever nickname here- - 29/04/2012 23:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

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Never again

Catsfordays - 20/08/2015 06:02 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML

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nonsensical 26

Monday 27 April 2015 0:30

"Not if I eat them first!!" Yeah, no, that'd be weird nevermind.

spamhands1 18

Monday 27 April 2015 0:24

That is not nice, your better off without him

CarouselHeart 11

Monday 27 April 2015 17:36

What a ballsack. YLS.

ipodn1 1

Monday 27 April 2015 17:58

I'll go out you :)

Omniprism 14

Monday 27 April 2015 19:06

Sounds like he's a big ass jerk and saved you from him. He may be dreamy but it's sounds like he doesn't have a great personality to match.

vikky538 28

Monday 27 April 2015 19:28

Provide him some marinara sauce and make sure he eats. What a scum bag.

nightfall8705 33

Monday 27 April 2015 21:40

Offer him some fava beans and a nice Chianti to go with those marbles. You're better off without him. No good man would say such a horrible thing to a lady.

DaRito 25

Monday 27 April 2015 22:24

Smooth on his part, he definitely likes you.

Daevas 18

Monday 27 April 2015 23:23

Don't worry, most of us men wish we could reach down there...

Tannasgh 22

Tuesday 28 April 2015 0:35

Not nice...he will end up ugly, drunk, in a greasy wife beater tee shirt wishin' he'd been nicer in 20 years.

ApplePie1994 27

Tuesday 28 April 2015 2:00

That's when you fulfil his wishes by ripping them off (without anaesthetic) and shove them down his throat.

mustanghp 3

Tuesday 28 April 2015 3:22

I'll take you out on a date

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I can’t divorce my lazy, unemployed, shopping-addicted, cheating wife because her father is one of the best, sleaziest, underhanded divorce lawyers in our city. FML

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Today, my 15-year-old daughter asked for a ride to her boyfriend's house. It's the same house I've been driving her to for sleepovers with her friend "Kate" for two years. FML

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Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was the first time in four months since our baby was born, that I could really enjoy it. After we finished up we walked into the livingroom, where my white faced brother was sitting. He said we left the baby monitor on. FML

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Today, I realized my cat responds to and interacts with me when I talk to her more than my own parents do when I talk to them. Actually, that statement applies to pretty much everyone I know. FML

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Today, after a full year of absolutely zero social interaction, I realized that I don’t miss it. At all. FML

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Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML

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