Insulting Love Rare and inventive insult - FML

Rare and inventive insult

fuck you - - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Anonymous - 09/08/2013 14:54 - France

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

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Nice dude

ThroatSlasher - 17/08/2015 19:20 - United Kingdom - Grimsby

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML

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He's a keeper

mariana - 08/02/2014 00:18 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

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(._. ) - 06/08/2013 20:35 - United States - Alburnett

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd have to ask his dad if it was OK. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "Come on, Dad" and "But why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML

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nameless - 12/07/2009 06:45 - United States

Today, I asked the girl I am in love with out on a date. She asked me for my name. FML

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bertiebeth - 02/08/2014 05:35 - Australia - Padstow

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML

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MysticSoup - 21/04/2019 22:00 - United States - Carthage

Today, I asked my doctor out on a date. He had his nurse turn me down. FML

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Honesty is the best policy

Anonymous - 19/06/2020 02:00

Today, I finally went on a date with a girl I've been talking to for 2 years. She is my dream girl, picture perfect and I love her with all my heart. So I asked her, half jokingly, if I was her dream guy. Her reply? "Don't ask me something you don't want to hear the answer of." FML

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-insert clever nickname here- - 29/04/2012 23:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

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Never again

Catsfordays - 20/08/2015 06:02 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML

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nonsensical 26

Monday 27 April 2015 0:30

"Not if I eat them first!!" Yeah, no, that'd be weird nevermind.

spamhands1 18

Monday 27 April 2015 0:24

That is not nice, your better off without him

extremeEDITION 3

Monday 27 April 2015 8:31

I would of told him if that is the case I'll help serve them and if he wanted them chopped now or later. you dodged a bullet honey! sometimes dreams are nightmares in a beautiful mirage

alyssacornett 15

Monday 27 April 2015 8:31

sounds like a dickhole

alliegraywords 13

Monday 27 April 2015 8:57

Charming.

siggy_mcsigx 22

Monday 27 April 2015 11:07

Chase a real man, not an ideal figment

abNormal62 23

Monday 27 April 2015 11:40

Should have fed them to him

ZoroMiHawk 25

Monday 27 April 2015 12:42

Call his bluff

Vegetarian27 24

Monday 27 April 2015 14:02

That can be arranged.

wildmonkey 16

Monday 27 April 2015 14:40

Sounds dreamy...

noodleboix 10

Monday 27 April 2015 16:03

Jeez, a simple "no" would've sufficed. What an ass

SplineMan 4

Monday 27 April 2015 16:21

"OK, I'm waiting. I've got all night."

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my roommate of seven weeks decided to kick me out. He blames me for the stains on his expensive white leather couch, even after a prof cleaner determined it was red wine. I don't drink red wine. He does. FML

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Today, my one-year-old son threw up on the man sitting next to us on a plane. I felt bad and apologized profusely. When I tried to give him money for dry cleaning, he slapped me. FML

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Today, I responded to an argument with my girlfriend by only using comebacks she'd used in previous arguments. I'm single now. FML

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Today, my 7 year-old brother asked me what "horny" meant whilst in the car with my parents. When I wouldn't tell him what it meant he screamed, "I'm getting horny!" at the top of his lungs, and told my parents that I told him to say it. FML

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Today, I went to the bagel shop down the street for breakfast, the same one I've been going to for over 6 months now. At the counter the same lil' cook guy who's served me over those same 6 months, looks at me and says, "Yes, Ms?". I'm a guy. FML

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Today, I really had to pee at work and rushed to the urinal. I unzipped but couldn't find the hole in the front of my boxers and ended up pissing my pants. I had put my boxers on backwards. FML

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