Dogs Animals It hurts when I pee

It hurts when I pee

yomamma787 - 24/11/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, I was outside, peeing on a cactus. Then all of a sudden my dog jumped on my back, knocking me into the cactus. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Anonymous - 31/08/2014 17:51 - United States

Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML

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Shout the victory

dogpatch087 - 02/01/2020 03:00 - United States - Ventura

Today, while climbing a mountain, I got to the top and then put both of my arms up in a victory kind of way only to trip on a rock and fall into a cactus plant. FML

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Anon - 24/03/2012 02:42 - United States

Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML

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thanksdad - 16/03/2014 19:28 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML

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Username - 15/07/2011 19:51 - United States

Today, the plant on my windowsill fell and landed in my face while I was napping. It's a cactus. FML

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Anonymous - 29/02/2012 16:52 - United States

Today, I rescued a cactus from a lethal fall. It thanked me with a handful of spines. FML

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mraow123 - 30/05/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

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Broderick - 26/03/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I was hiking, and four miles away from my car and civilization, I tripped over a rock into a cactus. I used duct tape, which ripped all the hair off my arms and legs but ignored the spikes. FML

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Chandler - 16/09/2011 19:26 - United States

Today, in a desperate bid to avoid going to the doctor, my young son ran into and hid inside a cactus garden. I had to drag him out. FML

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Koko - 07/04/2016 16:07 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my dog was so happy to see me that he laid down on his back and started pissing like a fountain. He pissed on everything around him, including me. FML

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Brave_Sir_Robin 4

Tuesday 24 November 2009 20:04

What a prick.

Stumblebum30 5

Tuesday 24 November 2009 20:24

do you think the world is your toilet? dumb ass

JessicaGrewal 22

Tuesday 27 January 2015 2:23

First of all why would you pee on a cactus.

kittykat1501 31

Sunday 21 June 2015 6:37

My first thought: who pees on a cactus?

MangoLoco 22

Monday 16 November 2015 5:59

Your dick now can be advertised as "ribbed for her pleasure"

TheLynx_fml 20

Thursday 4 August 2016 9:58

I have several questions

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, on the first occasion I've seen my boss since her brief leave, I brought up how I got to hear all our customers' heartwarming plans for their moms on Mother's Day. Her mother just died. That's why she was on leave. FML

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Today, I have Covid, caught during a work trip I didn't want to go on, AND my apartment has flooded for the third time since Thanksgiving. My landlord seems to have no intention of fixing the issue. FML

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Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML

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Today, my girlfriend's dad offered me $100 to break up with his daughter. I eagerly replied "No", but my girlfriend grabbed the money and said, "Deal." FML

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Today, I live in a household of 3 people, with only one vehicle. My transmission blew right after working 16 straight hours. I had to walk 6 miles home, not to mention figure out work tomorrow. Now my oldest, who does not live with me, is pissed because it is an "inconvenience" for her. FML

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Today, a man on a bike was so preoccupied with making lewd comments about another girl's behind that he drove straight into mine. FML

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