Your everyday life stories

Kel - 28/03/2018 23:43

Today, I was eating chips and when I popped what I thought was a crumb that fell on the bed into my mouth, turns out it was my boyfriend's gross toenail. FML

Anonymous - 28/03/2018 23:35

Today I dislocated my finger to the right and the doctor who treated me in hospital relocated it so vigorously he ended up dislocating it over to the left instead. My poor finger feels like it’s gonna drop off FML

Couchless - 28/03/2018 10:52 - United States

Today, I complimented my co-worker on his glasses and have been giving him compliments every shift to help him boost his self confidence. He finally responded, telling me although he appreciates the compliments, he doesn't want to get with me, I'm not his type. FML

Legsofjello - 28/03/2018 16:35

Today, my legs still feel like I ran a marathon. I was in so much pain I had to miss work yesterday. Why? I put in laminate flooring in my bedroom 5 days ago. I guess going to the gym 5 days a week doesn't prepare you for one day of hard labor. FML

Anonymous - 28/03/2018 15:35

Today, my father sent me $100 out of the blue. This might have been a nice gesture had he not recently tried to steal $1400 from me by claiming me as a dependent on his taxes, even though I haven't lived with my parents since I was 14. That wasn't the first time he's stolen money from me. FML

spoonploon - 28/03/2018 11:10

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I didn't like him talking to his ex behind my back... then got back with her. FML

now with more sores! - 28/03/2018 04:26

Today, I woke up to a severely painful cockroach bite on my lip. Guess that could happen if you apply cake batter scented lip balm, in efforts to treat an already bad cold sore. FML

AriKoZum - 27/03/2018 21:57 - United States - Boston

Today, while visiting my mother, I found out I was adopted. I'm 32. FML.

- 28/03/2018 02:44

Today, I was in a statewide concert and competition, and the lead of my section was gone, without any warning. I had to play the part given to the school's star sax player, having only seen it five minutes before. The stakes? Not much, other than the professional music professors at WWU judging me. FML

Anon - 27/03/2018 20:44 - United Kingdom - Mansfield

Today, I finally received a long awaited interview for medical school. Not only was I struck down with a bad case of diarrhoea, I was also sick 8 times on the two-hour long train journey. I guess I was a delight to interview, when I came in reeking of sick, with my face a nasty shade of pale. FML

Rah - 27/03/2018 16:03 - Nigeria

Today, while introducing myself at a meeting facilitated by my non-profit, I couldn’t remember the name of the project I’m currently working on and being paid out of... in front of our donors. FML

- 27/03/2018 15:02

Today, I accidentally called the cops on my cat. I came home at night to find light showing through the window from my TV (which my cat somehow turned on) then she poked her head through the curtain and I thought the movement was a home intruder looking out as my car pulled into the driveway. FML

thefriendnobodylikes - 27/03/2018 05:45 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I woke up to a series of Snaps of my closest group of friends having a night out without me. I would buy the “it happened spontaneously, we didn’t have time to tell you,” if I weren’t the only one who lives within walking distance of the bar. FML

- 27/03/2018 05:30

Today, I found out that there is a mouse stuck in my vent and I can't get to him. Good news? My cat keeps waking me up to let me know he is there. At least she wants to help. FML

Anonymous - 26/03/2018 20:42 - Canada

Today, after giving up on the IT department in my company offering me a job, I quit to pursue another job and moved back in a with my parents. The manager called me not too long after to casually offer me a job. I already signed a contract to another company and ended my lease on my apartment. FML

"Boyufd" - 27/03/2018 02:35

Today, my female best friend told me she was in love with me. Wanting to remain loyal to my current girlfriend, I turned her down gently. Later son guy asked her out, and she accepted it. A few hours later, my current girlfriend dumped me for another guy. Oh the irony. FML

nik - 27/03/2018 02:29

Today, the day after my brother's cat bit my hand, I woke up to find my hand swollen to almost 3 times its normal size. My husband laughs every time he sees it. FML

maliono - 26/03/2018 15:18 - United States

Today, during an essay test, I accidentally wrote Eli Manning instead of Eli Whitney. One is a quarterback, the other invented the cotton gin. My professor won't stop making fun of me. FML

- 26/03/2018 21:16

Today, after not being able to get into work a few times due to being snowed in, I got fired. For not being able to get in. FML

"Lee Carkery" - 26/03/2018 19:08 - Ireland

Today, I went to the college I'll be attending at the end of the year with an application that has to be in by the end of Easter. Turns out that the college is closed for Easter holidays. FML.

mimi - 26/03/2018 10:34 - United States - Edmond

Today, I had to poop in public. I thought I found a deserted restroom, but then two girls walked in mid-poop and heard the resulting splash. When I came out, they laughed and took pictures of me. FML

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Ms No Luck - 26/03/2018 16:24

Today, I start a new round of antibiotics for two weeks. Two months ago, I just finished antibiotics for a severe case of strep. Now I get them because my ex gave me chlamydia, claiming it on underwear and sex toys. My stomach hasn't fully healed from that first dose yet. FML

"Chadoubled" - 26/03/2018 15:39

Today, I woke up after a long, 8 hour night of sleep, realizing I had forgotten to take my whitening strips off my teeth. Now my teeth are so sensitive and I am in so much pain, I can't even eat the "famous" company breakfast that only happens once a year. FML

nosleep - 26/03/2018 05:49 - United States - Chester

Today, and like every other day, I haven’t gotten sleep at night because I share a room with my brother. He stays up all night, every night, playing video games and my parents don’t say anything to him. He’s 22. FML

Mack - 26/03/2018 11:10

Today, my parents once again commented on me getting a boyfriend or to be careful with the boys because they think I’ve actually seen, met up with or kissed a guy since primary school. I have done none of the above and doubt I will soon, sadly. FML

Elianas001 - 26/03/2018 05:50

Today, I went on my school trip of 6 days at Disney. I already wasn’t too happy to go, but it definitely didn’t help that my roommate dropped her luggage on my foot twice, on the first day, breaking my foot. This will be fun. FML

- 26/03/2018 03:54

Today, I came home after several months of studying in another city just to find out my mom is on vacation with her new boyfriend. I have no food and the heater does not work. I have been sick for days and my mom knew about it. She promised to take care of me. FML

- 26/03/2018 03:41

Today, the girl I was texting from tinder asked me for a pic. after I did, she responded with "your pic made me sad". I know I'm not much to look at but that utterly destroyed me. FML

- 26/03/2018 09:27 - Australia - Perth

Today, it's the 4th day with barely any contact with my partner. Not only that, but he cancelled on my cousin's wedding to pick up his ex girlfriend from the airport. She's staying with him for 3 weeks. FML

Liz - 26/03/2018 02:13

Today, after a dry spell, preparations were being made. I showered, put on lingerie, shaved and even smeared my secretion behind my ears for the scents. Just when we finally got on, I leaned in for a kiss, but only our teeth met. I managed to knock out half his front tooth during foreplay. FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, it was my first day as a mailman. One of the houses got a bunch of cards, and the owner coincidentally opened the door as I arrived. So I said to the owner that someone in the house must really be popular. He replied, "She died this Tuesday." FML

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Today, I found out my partner is cheating on me with several women. I broke up with him but he won’t move out without legal action (he is staying in my apartment), so I’m literally stuck being around him. He’s been very toxic and petty since I found out. I just want this to end. FML

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Today, I bought an iTunes giftcard worth $50. I tried to scratch off the little silver thing covering the code with a pair of scissors. I scratched so much that it's now unreadable. FML

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Today, I missed an important phone call. It's been so long since someone has called me that I didn't recognize my own ringtone. FML

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Today, while teaching my high school class about astronomy, I showed them a picture of earth from space. One girl raised her hand, and asked me what the "white things" were. In other words, clouds. FML

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Today, my dad and I were shovelling snow off the roof. I told him I was going to jump off the roof. He told me to go ahead, so I did. He failed to tell me that the snow was packed and wouldn't break my fall. I now have an injured back. He didn't tell me because he didn't think I would actually do it. FML

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