Your everyday life stories

- 06/04/2018 14:45

Today, my brother and I played a game of Mortal Kombat X together after 3 months of not seeing each other. When I won the first round, he decided that a reasonable reaction would be to pick up and throw my new TV down the stairs in a rage. FML

Anonymous - 06/04/2018 06:50

Today, I wore a dress to help feel pretty while on my period and feeling insecure. I sneezed so hard my tampon shot out. FML.

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Anonymous - 05/04/2018 23:47 - United States - Lake Villa

Today, while waiting for my connecting flight, I was stuck in the bathroom with horrible cramps. I thought I needed to go to the hospital. I missed my flight, but I didn’t miss my period. FML.

Anonymous - 06/04/2018 06:41

Today, I had a dream a used condom was stuck to my shirt during class. Turns out it wasn’t a dream. FML.

ding-dong-cutter - 06/04/2018 00:21

Today, whilst I was still in bed, someone rang the doorbell. I had no clothes on so I rushed around my room, and the hallway to get dressed, cutting my shoulder against the edge of a shelf in the process. After swearing about the pain, I opened the door, and no one was there. FML

"Sarah Yake" - 05/04/2018 21:48

Today, after rubbing my back down with Bengay and thoroughly washing my hands, I decided to try to rub one out to distract me from my back pain. It worked, alright. Now I am preoccupied with the cold/burning/tingling pain in my dick. FML.

"Cherynn Halgryn" - 05/04/2018 20:20

Today my mother disowned me. Not for cause a major problem or cause yet another riot in the family, but because of the fact that I got a job that I wanted. She wanted me to stay with her. Now she refuses to speak to me. FML

"BadLuckBeauty92" - 05/04/2018 18:50

Today, I blasted multiple loud farts outside thinking no one would hear or smell them as it was pretty windy. A girl from my class walked by me mid-fart and looked me straight in the eyes. She told the whole class. FML

Seymour - 05/04/2018 17:47

Today, I reread the auto-reply appointment confirmation email from my new therapist three times because it included the line "I look forward to meeting you" and I wanted to make myself feel like someone was excited to see me. FML

Anna - 05/04/2018 14:10

Today, I went and visited my family. I was once told by them that I wasn't smart enough to graduate high school. Since then I got a degree in teaching, have five years industry experience and just got into a Masters degree in a non-related field. All they could ask me was when I was having kids.. FML

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Welp This Sucks - 05/04/2018 09:43

Today, my bf and I were having sex, and as he was coming he slipped out. He went right into my asshole, first time I ever tried anal and it was accidental. The worse pain of my life and it still hurts, I can’t even sit properly. FML

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Rodrick - 05/04/2018 07:36

Today, after being kicked out of my parents house because they don’t approve of my girlfriend, I moved in with her. Within one week I learned she cheated on me with 2 different people multiple times. I also lost my job and am now stuck living with this bitch until I can get my life together.. FML

Anonymous - 05/04/2018 01:23

Today, I tried making a homemade fleshlight with cornstarch. Today, I also found out I am allergic to corn starch. On the plus side, I am the biggest I've ever been. FML

DeniedByDocks - 04/04/2018 11:13 - United States - Auburn

Today, I was on a double date with my best friend and these two girls. After dinner, we went back to their place. My date asked me if I wanted to go outside with her to the dock. Once sitting outside, I tried to kiss her, but she pulled away and said, "Sorry, I am actually just the wing girl". FML

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Damn robe - 04/04/2018 12:55 - Canada - Ajax

Today, the doorbell rang when I got out of the shower. Since it’s my birthday and I was expecting family, I answered it in a robe. When I opened the door, my crush was there with a card. We chatted for a bit until he asked if I was happy to see him. I then saw my boner poking through my robe. FML.

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onymus - 04/04/2018 19:00

Today, my girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me because she's feeling "emotionally unstable". It could be that, but maybe it has more to do with the fact her ex-boyfriend contacted her a week ago. FML

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Anonymous - 04/04/2018 15:54

Today, I saw a guy smiling and randomly waving at me on the highway. I smiled back, waved at him, and then realized he was masturbating with the other hand. FML

2kidsin - 04/04/2018 02:16

Today, I found pictures of my cousin in my husband's "jack-off" file on his phone. I've seen my sister and her best friend in there too. This time I'm done.. FML

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- 03/04/2018 15:22

Today, I tried to cuddle with my boyfriend. He pushed me out of the way and cuddled the dog instead. FML.

- 03/04/2018 15:13

Today, I came to the realization that I have seen my boyfriend's roommate shirtless more times than I have seen my own boyfriend shirtless. They've lived together for two months. We've been dating two years. FML.

Sad Girl - 03/04/2018 06:26

Today, was the first day in a week where I had a spare moment to myself. Laid back in bed, put on some porn, got my vibrator going. All was great. Then my mom walked into the room. FML

- 03/04/2018 01:33

Today, I had a long conversation with my therapist about my anxiety and constant fear of rejection. I then went home to darling husband and got to use my new coping techniques as my darling rejected my advances for the third month straight. FML

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- 03/04/2018 06:09 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend of 10 years, who broke up with me because he "didn't want to get married or have kids" within 18 months after we separated, had a child and married a woman with the same name as me. FML.

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Gross - 02/04/2018 18:08 - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, I saw a woman walk out of the grocery store restroom without washing her hands. Two minutes later, I saw her picking up and putting down apples in the produce aisle. FML

Firevajay - 02/04/2018 20:43

Today, the antibiotics for my urinary tract infection gave me a vaginal yeast infection. I also started my period today. I feel like I'm on fire. FML

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"Timothy Phillips" - 02/04/2018 12:35 - United States - Rexburg

Today, I had company over and I sat my phone on my couch when I got up to use the restroom. I come back and everyone is laughing because my dog unlocked my phone and my nude was the last thing pulled up. FML

shart - 02/04/2018 12:48 - United States - Chicopee

Today, my future FIL asked why I had so little food on my plate. I jokingly told him I was on a diet trying to get skinny again. He scoffed at me and said, “Yeah. That’ll never happen.” Not only did it ruin Easter, but also my engagement. FML.

itchymomma - 02/04/2018 09:29 - United States - Springfield

Today, I have seasonal allergies, a head cold, PMS, and am on steroids for the worst case of poison ivy I've ever had in my life. FML

EKYchba - 02/04/2018 11:17

Today, I talked my girlfriend of 1 year into kissing her best friend over FaceTime while they were drunk. I keep trying to talk to her, but she tells me she likes girl and isn't sure about our relationship. Damn it. FML

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Stuck at home - 02/04/2018 10:05

Today, after telling my mom I had a really high chance of landing my dream internship at a national lab, she decided to scream, cry, and throw the mail at my dad's face while he was sleeping. FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, as a 6 ft 8 woman, I never get much attention from men, until today when a guy who was 7 ft 1 approached me at the bar with the chat up line, "Hey little lady, you look about my size, can I buy you a drink?" It worked. I'm such a stereotype, we’re going on a date tomorrow. FML

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Today, I called up my ex girlfriend to ask her if I could come round hers to get my pyjamas back. She replied: "I'm keeping them just in case..." - "In case of what?" - "In case I want to dress up like an asshole". FML

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Today, I found out that I get to spend the next two weeks at my grandparents' house, which smells like cat litter, while the rest of my family takes a cruise through the Caribbean. They can't afford to take a ninth person. FML

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Today, I was with my friend and her entire family at a restaurant. While we were eating, her brother who is really cute asked what "brown sauce" is. I said thats probably 'penis' sauce. I'd meant to say 'peanut sauce' but the damage was done. The entire family just stared. FML

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Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

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Today, I finally left a one-star review for my doctor’s office. I mentioned my doctor was epic, but called them out on their poor billing practices. I got a call saying my awesome doctor actually owns the clinic. My next appointment is going to be so awkward. FML

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