Kids

Such a Miranda

By Anonymous - 26/12/2022 00:00

Today, I realised that when I was pregnant I had loads of friends, because pregnancy is cute and awesome and empowering, until the baby actually arrived. Then so-called friends don’t want to visit anymore because babies are loud, sticky, poop everywhere, and get in the way of brunch and shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 620

A heartwarming Christmas story

By Fatslobmom - 24/12/2022 12:00

Today, my husband confessed to having an affair, resulting in us loudly arguing. Our 8 year-old daughter asks what was going on. My husband told her, “If you don’t want a divorce when you grow up, a word of advice: eat your fruits and vegetables so you don’t become a fat slob who gets cheated on!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 867

You deserved it 396

A touching Christmas tale

By Anonymous - 24/12/2022 00:00

Today, I brought my girlfriend back to my place, but my abusive, homeless dad, who I haven’t spoken to in a year, had broken in to have sex with some woman in my front room, before both passing out on heroin. My girlfriend saw my dad's penis and drug stuff, and left me to clean him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 825

You deserved it 263

The mask slips

By Anonymous - 23/12/2022 12:00

Today, my boyfriend is always telling me I haven’t met his real mother yet, even though I’ve known her a year. However, when I happened to disagree with her today, she started screaming and hitting like a psycho. He had to wrestle her out the door. I get it now; I’ve now met his “real” mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 145

Use it wisely

By armywife980 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, after teaching my 4 year-old son about the concept of "Stranger Danger," we had gone to a park full of people. When I walked up to him to tell him we had to leave, he ran, screaming, "Stranger! Don't touch me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 440

You deserved it 7 942

Oldest trick in the book

By Anonymous - 22/12/2022 15:00

Today, I have to admit I sometimes snoop in my daughter's room, but she must have realised this because she has started laying booby traps for me. I'm currently in the ER getting fishing hooks removed from my hand after she taped them to a mousetrap and left the mousetrap inside her desk drawer. I deserve it but, FML

I agree, your life sucks 253

You deserved it 2 252

Unresolved issues

By Anonymous - 21/12/2022 15:00

Today, I wanted to spend some time with my daughter, since I work all the time and hardly ever get time off. She wanted to play Minecraft, so played it with her. Have you ever been killed over and over in a video game by an 8 year-old? I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 306

There's gold to be mined

By ChristmasIsRuined - 20/12/2022 00:00

Today, I found out that my husband has been seeing another woman and my 16 year-old daughter once caught them while I was at work. She didn’t tell me about it because she was enjoying all the hush gifts, shoes, purses, and the payments for her BMW X3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 169

Middleschoolers these days…

By Anonymous - 19/12/2022 00:00

Today, my son told me he wants to be a cop or enter the military when he grows up. Why? "Cops get paid to kill useless members of society" and "Only the military can stop communism." FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 304

A cautionary tale

By Anonymous - 17/12/2022 03:00 - Canada - Exeter

Today, my parents still think they can control me. I’m 27, married, and have a son. Even after all the abuse and trauma over the years, they still think that everything is fine. That they did their “best”. Why do they think this is right, and think they should have any right to my son or even see him? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 155

Domestic

By Anonymous - 16/12/2022 15:00

Today, my mom tried to ground me, even though I moved into my own flat to escape her. I told her 'my flat, my rules' so she tried to confiscate my Xbox because 'she’s the boss of me.' The look on her face as the cops took her away was worth the shouting match we’ll have when she makes bail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 921

You deserved it 182

Better feel like shit than dead

By SirEnigM0nk - 15/12/2022 18:00 - United States - Parkville

Today, while preparing to celebrate my daughter's second birthday, we all discovered we got a present: COVID. We're all vaccinated, but still feel like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 397

Gender bender

By Anonymous - 14/12/2022 15:00 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, on my first day as a middle school substitute teacher, the class I was in had blue passes for boys and red passes for girls. The kid in the front row raised a number two for the bathroom, so I handed her a red pass, only for him to brush his hair back and say, "I'm a boy." The whole class laughed and called him "Babe". FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 299

Dumbass

By ParentingFail - 13/12/2022 15:00

Today, my 18 year-old son threatened to sue a store because they refused to give him a senior discount, at which point he trashed the store in a blind rage, and got banned for life. That would make more sense if he was actually a senior, not a senior in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 389

Pure class

By fiddlercrab - 11/12/2022 12:00

Today, I spent time with some of my extended family. To give you an idea of their pedigree, I overheard a daughter ask her mom, "Why did you name me Chanté?" The mom, "After the wine!" The daughter asked, "What wine?" and her mom replied, "You know, Chianti!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 165

Hang in there

By R Kelly's scapegoat - 10/12/2022 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was haunted by the knowledge that my father watched me slit my wrists without doing a damn thing or batting an eyelid, but when I took the steak knife to the breadboard to release my tension, he was so upset, he took the dog, drove to the east coast, and spent the night in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 725

Healthy parenting skills

By Ghost1986 - 10/12/2022 22:00 - Australia - Moonah

Today, my ex-wife tried to hit me up for money for a skip bin, because the kids' room was too messy. She then sent me a picture of the mess after I said no, then I retaliated by submitting a report to child services against her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 578

Follow up?

By Anonymous - 10/12/2022 03:00

Today, against my better judgement, I gave in and let my daughter go to the family Christmas party, due to the fact that the sister I cut contact with caught COVID and said she wouldn't be there. Guess who turned up? FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 230

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 09/12/2022 18:00

Today, I’ve been abroad for three years, but flew home to visit. My parents had a surprise: my baby sister, who they kept secret from me so they could film my reaction. She’s so cute but they’re upset that I’m angry at them. Sorry, but sane people don’t keep a baby a fucking secret from its sibling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 674

You deserved it 199

More details please

By Grandma has no filter - 08/12/2022 15:00 - United States

Today, I listened to my grandma monologue about how if my uncle was born first, my mother (and consequently, I) would not exist. I then got to listen to her rant about what a terror he was. Let's just say I learned and heard some things I'd rather have not known. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 134

Life is unfair

By Anonymous - 06/12/2022 15:00 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, my son, who is on the autism spectrum, was given a detention at school because he called another child fat in response to being called a "fat Indian curry muncher". The other child got away with it because he started crying. Oh and afterwards he called my son dumb for getting detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 057

You deserved it 168

DELETE! DELETE!

By Mandi - 05/12/2022 16:00

Today, I accidentally called my boss and left a voicemail as I was yelling to my kid, "I NEED TOILET PAPER TO WIPE MY BUTT! WHERE IS ALL THE TOILET PAPER?!" Followed by me yelling something like, "STOP WATCHING ME WIPE MY BUTT!" immediately after my kid walked in with baby wipes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 941

Backflip

By Cramped - 04/12/2022 15:00 - United States

Today, my parents made several changes to my office space without my knowledge. Among these changes, they put a suitcase under the desk. I don't know how they fit it down there, but I do know I have no room to move my legs. I also know that if I put my feet ON the suitcase, I fall backwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 145

Gaslighting

By Anonymous - 04/12/2022 08:00 - Australia

Today, I'm not going to our family Christmas party due to events last year that caused me to cut off contact with one of my sisters. My entire family is now making me out to be the villain to my 8 year-old, and trying to manipulate my decision with guilt trips. They have reduced me to tears 12 days in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 153

Groucho Marx fan

By cody4prez - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, my dad told my mom to hurry up or they'd miss the start of their concert. She said, "I'm coming, I'm coming…" and without thinking, I blurted out, "That's what she said." They're super religious, and I'm now grounded till January. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 937

You deserved it 5 304

Noise complaint

By TeaTimeAbyss - 03/12/2022 16:00

Today, without any form of notice, my landlord started working on the upstairs windows at 6:30am. I have an at-home appointment at 8:30 for my autistic son that I can't move or postpone without notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 127

Trickster

By OFukd - 03/12/2022 08:00 - United States

Today, my after-school community center received a complaint from an upset parent and they’re threatening to “sue” for traumatizing their child. Apparently, someone replaced all the books in the Little Free Library with the Kama Sutra and pornography books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099

You deserved it 174

Parent brain

By Jen - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was watching "Caillou". It was a Christmas special for preschoolers. I was quite enjoying myself, when it hit me that my kid had been in bed for an hour. I forget what adult TV is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 389

You deserved it 6 640

My body hates me

By spaceylaceyjane - 02/12/2022 05:00 - United States - Ridgeland

Today, and after always saying that I didn't want kids and realizing that I actually do, I’ve started having the worst periods every 14 days like clockwork. Looks like the Universe doesn’t want me to have them either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 191

TMI Mom

By Why - 30/11/2022 17:00 - United States

Today, I had the pleasure of listening to my mom tell me about how her and my dad's weight loss has helped them get more into it when they're being intimate. Suddenly I wish my parents were fat again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 295

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my mother started dating a man who insists people call him 'Panda'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 703

You deserved it 3 259

Today, I worked up the courage to ask my crush out for coffee after work. She agreed and I confidently said, "Alright, it's a date!" She replied, "Haha, a date with you? I'm just going for the free coffee!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 689

You deserved it 4 395

Today, I forbade a student in the writing seminar I instructed from continuing to present his disturbing poems about demons. He responded to this by convincing nearly every other student in the seminar to write and read out loud several of his poems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 020

You deserved it 8 629

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 218

You deserved it 56 686

Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 859

You deserved it 10 601

Today, my manager bailed on me during the afternoon rush; swamped and distracted, I cut off the pad of my thumb in a cheese slicer. Some clinic hours later I returned, hungry and sick with blood loss, to sign WC papers. Manager's only words: "You're staying late to cover your long break, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 902

You deserved it 3 047