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By pissedoff - 28/06/2016 11:53 - United States - Benton

Today, my morning started off by stepping in my dog's piss by the door. Then, stepping in my husband's piss by the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 894

You deserved it 1 354

Dumpster diving

By rummaging - 18/05/2016 13:46 - United States - Bloomington

Today, my boyfriend found the box of photos I've been saving for my daughter. He was convinced I was pining over her father and emptied the box into the dumpster behind our apartment. I'm still not done digging through the garbage to find the photos from the day my daughter was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 041

You deserved it 1 308

By Anonymous - 13/08/2018 18:30

Today, I was in school when a guy grabbed my breast, so I swore at him and shoved him away. I got detention and he walked away unpunished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 875

You deserved it 244

By Anonymous - 27/03/2016 04:46 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating after she read some of my messages I sent to an old female friend. Apparently I'm very flirty with her. I showed her the same kind of messages that I sent to my guy friends as well. Now I'm apparently gay and cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 843

You deserved it 2 753

For what occasion

By Single Sally - 01/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Brandon

Today, my boyfriend of five years finally gave me a ring. Oh no, not an engagement ring. He gave me a ring "to apologize for sleeping with his married coworker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 539

You deserved it 187

By bald baby - 02/12/2018 05:00

Today, despite my protests and warnings, my mother-in-law decided to chemically straighten my bi-racial daughter’s very curly hair. Hours later, not only is her scalp is raw and red, her hair is stringy completely fried and coming out in huge noticeable clumps. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 4 052

You deserved it 349

By Anonymous - 04/01/2016 15:14 - United States - Dalton

Today, this beautiful girl that I've known for a long time told me that she just can't date me anymore because I remind her too much of her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 441

You deserved it 1 915

Side dick

By Joanna - 27/12/2018 18:00

Spicy

Today, during sex I said my side dick's name instead of my boyfriend. He isn't speaking to me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 13 018

Heavy Drilling

By Anonymous - 14/02/2017 04:34 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Spicy

Today, I found out firsthand how a civilised conversation about renewable energy can turn into a long debate about whether or not you can have sex with an oil drill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 351

You deserved it 667

deathtojesus tells us more.

deathtojesus 20

Tuesday 14 February 2017 1:12

In all honestly, as the author of this FML I have no ******* idea

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 13:34 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, I accidentally farted while on my flight home. It was silent but so deadly that several people were visibly distressed. The overweight guy sitting next to me got a bunch of dirty glares. I was too ashamed to own up to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 704

You deserved it 7 237

Another Tinder Swindler

By stormblade27 - 28/01/2019 02:00

Today, my friend told me to try dating apps, saying, “What's the worst that could happen?” I just finished paying some girl $100 to not send a dick pic to all my Facebook friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 7 457

By ICallBullshxt - 18/03/2017 20:00

Today, I added my boss to the "ew" list on Skype. I then realized it sends her a notification. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 049

You deserved it 6 811

By pizzagurl - 09/05/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 207

You deserved it 274 596

Weird assumption

By Anonymous - 12/10/2015 14:29 - United Kingdom - Hassocks

Spicy

Today, my best friend told me how his batshit insane girlfriend keeps questioning his sexuality and thinks we're screwing behind her back. He's so desperate for a relationship that he's decided to stop hanging out with me. Goodbye seven years of friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 551

You deserved it 1 817

By Anonymous - 05/06/2019 16:00

Today, my boyfriend saw me without make-up for the first time we've been dating for two years. He freaked because he didn't know who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 2 682

Bad timing

By Her - 05/12/2016 17:01 - Canada - Montréal

Spicy

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 months told me he doesn't know how he feels about me because he's not excited when we meet and doesn't miss me when we don't text for a while. He decided to tell me this while we were laying in bed right after having sex for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 237

You deserved it 1 231

By Unlucky gal - 12/06/2017 04:00

Today, I broke my mug, windshield wiper, shower curtain, and foot, all in six hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 901

You deserved it 288

By sick and lonely - 27/08/2016 03:19 - United States - Rockford

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I had a fever from a stomach virus. I was shivering with cold sweats while she explained there was nothing wrong with our relationship, but she would regret not giving her cheating ex a second chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 336

You deserved it 1 154

Pug gets taste of his own medicine!

By FML Approved - 25/10/2017 03:00

The little guy kinda had it coming.

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 170

By Noname - 16/03/2009 17:29 - United States

Today, I found an old dress in my house laying around. I decided to dye it green to wear it out on St. Patrick's day. Turns out it was my grandmother's wedding dress that my sister was planning to wear for her wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 257

You deserved it 179 921

By Anonymous - 05/01/2018 19:00

Today, I got my period during my dance solo. My costume was white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 598

You deserved it 427

By Anonymous - 19/01/2018 15:00

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but when I took out the ring it flew out of the box and disappeared. She's been crying for 3 hours and I'm down 2 grand. I still don't know what her answer is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 713

You deserved it 553

By Anonymous - 25/06/2016 09:02 - United States - Allen

Today, I got screamed and honked at by a driver who felt I was in the way of his turn. I was on foot, and on the sidewalk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 935

You deserved it 950

"Friend"

By BarCrush - 22/02/2018 19:00

Today, and for the past two months, I've been going to the bar with my friends quite regularly because I have a massive crush on the cute bartender. Being quite shy, I asked my friend if he could be my wingman so I could finally talk to her properly. He took her home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 826

You deserved it 983

The price of sin

By Anonymous - 30/05/2016 16:35 - United States - Houston

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have some alone time under the stars. Things were getting hot and heavy in my truck bed and clothes went everywhere. After getting dressed, I felt pain. Little did I know that I threw my underwear in an ant pile. I got bit down south, a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 841

You deserved it 3 893

Classy guy.

By This_girll - 20/07/2018 19:30 - United States - Ridgewood

Today, my boyfriend of a year went to a wedding. He didn't invite me, he took his ex instead. I saw it all on Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 627

You deserved it 392

Bye, loser

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 00:56 - United States - Oceanside

Today, my husband's ex-girlfriend is getting a restraining order on him. Turns out, for the past 2 years of our marriage, he has been trying to contact her and ditching work to stalk her. To top it all off, he told me not to come to court with him because he doesn't want her to see he downgraded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 755

You deserved it 2 232

Babe, I am your father.

By no, oh god no - 08/09/2018 14:30

Today, it was only as my boyfriend met my dad for the first time that I realised how alike they are. Same opinions, same dress sense, same moustache and beard, same height and body shape, similar jobs and cars, and they support the same rugby team. They got on like a house on fire as soon as they met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 807

You deserved it 742

By Anonymous - 26/09/2018 16:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I finally sought help for my alcoholism. They told me they wouldn't help me until I'd stopped drinking. Um... what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 274

You deserved it 397

By Devlynfly - 25/02/2016 04:32 - Canada - London

Today, while working as a hostess, one of my tattoos on my leg was showing. It's not uncommon for guests to comment on tattoos as we're high end and I'm one of two staff members with visible tattoos. What is uncommon is an elderly lady hiking up my skirt for a better view. I flashed everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 607

You deserved it 2 263

Devlynfly tells us more.

Devlynfly 11

Thursday 25 February 2016 15:30

OP here! Thanks for all the comments and concerns. To make this shorter I've already answered specific questions directly. She was a really nice lady and thought my hand tattoos (flowers,) were nice and just wanted to see the rest of the hidden one she noticed. After she realized just how far up my leg it went, and how high my skirt had been pulled she did back away. I could be mad at her but really I just see it as a funny story to tell, no harm was meant and she meant it as a compliment in her own way. She did tip me, and it helped my business at least since other customers felt bad for me and over tipped me. ;) Keep the jokes coming, I think they're all great!

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Today, my best friend and I came home from Japan. Her boyfriend and I have been having an affair before I left so I decided not to tell him she was coming with me. We just got off the plane and got a bite to eat, he was waiting for me so he could propose, my best friend was standing next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 560

You deserved it 226 228

Today, I went to Uni. I woke up at six and got to the station as the train was leaving. I was congratulating myself on my brilliant skill when, as we passed the carpark, I saw I had left my headlights on. It later cost more for the lead to jump start my car than it would have to drive to Uni myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 640

You deserved it 6 954

Today, at work one of my co-worker was oddly nice to me; and my boss, who usually always says hi to me, didn't look or speak to me. Later that day I found out that I was going to be fired, not because my boss told me but because my picture was missing from the wall of employees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 878

You deserved it 2 055

Today, after 25 years, I quit drinking. It wasn’t worth it. My life and everyone around me still sucked. So I started up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 312

You deserved it 679

Today, I took my girlfriend to a restaurant we both like. By the end of the date, we were fighting and she angrily broke up with me. To make things worse, I got food poisoning. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 315

You deserved it 309

Today, I finally beat the song "Through the Fire and Flames" on Guitar Hero 3. I then realized that it was the biggest accomplishment I've ever made in my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 362

You deserved it 37 563