The Top

We sell electrical wire by the foot, she may have a more handy family member at home that need it, but she did come back an hour later and got 50 feet... I think her computers in the middle of her backyard. :P. sad thing is, we deal with these kinds of requests ever day... Retail sucks!!

By Anonymous - 05/11/2014 19:52 - Australia - Hawthorn

Today, my mum yelled "Son of a bitch!" as I narrowly beat her at a game of Mario Kart. I jokingly yelled back "Hell yeah I am!" Now I'm grounded for two weeks, birthday included, all because my mum's a sore loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 180

You deserved it 10 239

By EpicMayonnaise - 26/08/2011 07:35 - United States

Today, I went to a club. The only guy who asked me to dance introduced himself as "Bird Dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 432

You deserved it 3 678

By Anonymous - 05/10/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, I was kicked out of class for having a coughing fit. Yesterday, I was kicked out of class for sleeping, a side effect of my cough suppressant. Three absents from this class and I automatically fail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 155

You deserved it 3 830

Pensu tells us more.

Pensu 12

Wednesday 6 October 2010 3:02

No, I wasn't forcing the cough; I've got bronchitis, I just get coughing fits that last for a while and can't control them.

Take the L

By slowrunner - 22/04/2009 13:20 - United States

Today, I was running the 100m sprint in a track meet. Me and another girl were tied for dead last. When we finished, she complained, "It's so embarrassing how slow I am today. I have shin splints. What happened to you?" I was actually running my hardest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 677

You deserved it 7 612

By riahta - 06/08/2010 06:45 - United States

Today, I was playing a math game with a 4th grade boy (I'm a college graduate). I cheated during the entire game, and still lost 7 of the 9 rounds we played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 047

You deserved it 46 541

WTF are you doing?

By Anonymous - 13/03/2011 03:09 - United States

Today, while at the bakery section of my local supermarket, I heard the beat of what I assumed was a song playing. I really got into it, and bobbed my head and danced a little. After getting some strange looks, I realized the "beat" was a machine mixing frosting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 940

You deserved it 41 681

By nevasurprised - 10/01/2012 14:50 - Germany

Today, I fell asleep in class. I'm the teacher; I've already given students detention for falling asleep in class this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 854

You deserved it 42 858

By davidh5012 - 27/11/2011 21:41 - United States

Today, my dad had his "sixteen years overdue" vasectomy. I'm fifteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 541

You deserved it 2 901

By OCDrunk - 23/11/2011 06:40 - Australia

Today, when drunk, I became OCD about everything and spent 3 hours making sure that the books on my shelves were straight. I thought that being drunk was supposed to be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 027

You deserved it 9 923

By Anonymous - 20/11/2011 17:10 - United States

Today, I learned that my roommate, the one in charge of the cooking, never washes her hands beforehand. According to her, it boosts her immune system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 585

You deserved it 4 215

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 17:01 - Netherlands

Today, my wife and I went shopping for new glasses at a local store, but we didn't really get to actually buying one. On our way back, she warned me that my glasses of choice should in no way be 'those big arty ones'. When I asked her why not, she told me that I 'look gay enough already'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 783

You deserved it 6 370

By lollymay13 - 11/10/2011 15:22 - Ireland

Today, after a week of searching, I found my escaped snake. In my umbrella, outside, after opening it over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 593

You deserved it 8 290

lollymay13 tells us more.

lollymay13 6

Friday 28 October 2011 12:46

Just so you all know, I am not afraid of my pet snake. The FML was a mixture of a) the snake had been in an obvious hiding place, a dark enclosed space, all along. And b) because anything that falls on your bloody head outside is going to give you a fright! He is healthy and happy, he didn't die, and has not escaped since! :) And as for all the St.Patrick comments.... 'driving the snakes out of Ireland' was a metaphor for the Catholics driving all of the Pagans out of Ireland. Of course there are real snakes here.... actually pagans too. Well there ya go! lol :) x

By Anonymous - 26/07/2013 14:26 - United States - Campbellsville

Today, I was at a pool party with some friends. We decided to play chicken and I was on the shoulders of the guy I like. Right as we started playing, for some unearthly reason my body decided to let out a little pee. I thought he wouldn't notice since we were already wet. He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 579

You deserved it 18 781

By scrotumscratcher - 25/07/2013 05:20 - United States - Wausau

Today, I walked into an elderly man's room in the hospital I work to give him his food. After he struggled to sit up, I noticed his hand move down towards his crotch. He looked me straight in the eye and said, "I have to do this to my scrotum because it gets sweaty and sticks to my leg." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 319

You deserved it 4 922

iamabamf tells us more.

iamabamf 17

Friday 26 July 2013 18:57

After reading all of your comments, I'd just like to verify that I'm only 15. I've been working at the hospital for about two weeks now. I did help him sit up, with the help of another CNA. I certainly laughed it off, but I didn't actually think this was going to be posted! :)

By jared77 - 02/08/2011 16:26 - United States

Today, my mom decided to give me a bloodcurdlingly graphic sex talk. On a plane. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 797

You deserved it 2 884

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 991

You deserved it 9 603

By hero to zero - 04/07/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 157

You deserved it 15 198

By Anonymous - 11/07/2015 05:03 - United States - Denver

Today, I found a picture of myself on the "People of Walmart" site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 704

You deserved it 18 080

By BerkeleyBiker - 19/04/2011 08:23 - United States

Today, while enjoying a nice dinner out, I observed a homeless man giggling hysterically to himself while wiping boogers on my bike seat and handlebars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 377

You deserved it 3 737

By _Tater_Tot_ - 03/04/2015 16:39 - United States - Anniston

Today, my mom let me know that I'll have to spend my entire tax return on replacing my car brakes. The reason I need new brakes is because almost every single time she uses the car, she floors the gas while the parking brake is still on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 406

You deserved it 2 700

_Tater_Tot_ tells us more.

_Tater_Tot_ 20

Saturday 4 April 2015 3:41

To answer some responses Im a girl and I don't put the parking brake on, my mom happens to somehow put it on whilst driving and she does not notice the light on the dashboard :/